The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The A did not get taken into custody yesterday. He's elected for a jury trial, signed up a public defender. I guess they are trying him as a felony. Who knows. I have given up asking and worrying about it. He showed up at my house last night after I had told him not to. I ignored his more than 15 messages. I gave him the papers he had sworn up and down I was hiding from him, he'd left them somewhere then swore they were somewhere else.
One of my housemates told him they didn't appreciate him barging in the house. I think one good thing for me is I have his tools and he needs them so he is not going to mess with me (I did not give him the key access). Another is he is in such a mess. He is supposed to move out of where he is this weekend. He has nowhere to go but his uncles. He kept leaving messages saying I should let him come live with me. I am not going to. In between the demands is the insistence I am the worst thing that ever happened to him.
He did look much much better when I saw him last night. I don't know if he got it together himself or the people were he is living helped him organize himself. He was clean, organized and looked presentable. I imagine he had a good shower (he does not have one where he is). His clothes looked ok. He had managed to fix a pair of glasses so he did not look crazy. He was subduec but also demanding.
I just gave him the papers, let him see the dog and then asked him to leave. I told him that he shouldjn't take the dog till his case is settled. He told my housemate he feels I have stolen the dog from him.
Well the good news is I have removed all the hooks and triggers. The bad news is that I am really squashed where I am and need to think long and hard where to go next. The good news is also that I think he will get serious jail time which would mean I get a long time away from him to regroup and move on. I need that. I have no idea when his trial is going to be but I would imagine the issue will be settled by the end of the year at the latest.
I felt relieved but scared after he had left. Relieved that I had stood my ground. I am scared none the less that he is going to persist with his demands, guilt trips and try to bring his chaos into my life.
I also got to trust msyelf more. I had the feeling he was hanging around somewhere outside. I was right after he eventually came to the house after 3 hours of calling. I am finally beginning to trust myself again.
Wow, I'm proud of you. You keep amazing me with your strength. California right? I think you're right about the jail time. The punishment system is a lot harsher in Cali than say NC! LOL You sound good and you stood your ground, good for you!
It's really too bad he wasn't taken into custody considering he doesn't really have anywhere to go, at least anywhere he wants to go it sounds like. There must have been some conditions of release, one of which is always a permanent address, wonder what he used........
My darling little A has been the model of recovery lately. We met with her attorney yesterday and her attitude is so different I have to wonder if my taking a stand kicked her into a mental growth spurt. She has gotten a second job, she has stopped by to visit with no alterier motives and a very pleasant disposition. I'm feeling so much more confident that she may be capable of having a life. She is willing and actually seemed a bit excited at getting a professional chemical dependency evaluation which is being done for defense purposes but will include following their reccomendations for treatment if they see fit. It is quite possible that her temper tantrums and inability to move forward have been a result of feeling stuck and not knowing how to make the first move.
I believed with all my heart that when I decided I had reached my level of pain from her and kicked her out that she would sink rather than swim. I am happy to say that she is proving me wrong.
My husband and I are getting along so much better, the bickering was torturous, I'm sure for both of us. Neither of us really knew the right thing to do but we were pretty sure we weren't doing it.
Her attorney saw a side of her that I thought had disappeared, there is a tiny place in me that is still saying, con con con..... It would be a bigger place in me except I'm not seeing or hearing the attitude. We do speak daily on the phone and I have seen her a couple times a week. Time will tell I suppose.
I only wish she could see the difference in herself which has really transpired not just as a result of having to move out but which also coincided with her bf going to jail. I believe he is being transferred to a rehab program in October and will still have quite a bit of his sentence to serve when he's done with that. I wish him the best but I wish it for him somewhere else. He's been a big pain in my butt. While at the lawyers I was able to read the charging documents and as I suspected 90% of what was in it related to him. I stayed really calm and was proud of myself but when he was arrested he was driving my car. She was borrowing it and we did have an agreement that no one else was to drive it. I told her I was probably as much dissapointed about that, the disrespect that I felt because it was my car that was searched, it was photographed along with my registration and insurance, all the jewelry they found in it, the drugs they found in the glove box. I work in the legal field, not that the police and many others aren't aware that my daughter has issues but it still felt very icky to see it.
She apologized and I let it go because we are so beyond that at this point. She will never drive my car again but that had been decided when I got it back. The passenger side visor was in the back seat, wires & all, there were cigarette holes in the suede door panels and the ceiling. This is a very rare sports car, albeit old and in need of some TLC, but mine and I have driven and loved this car for over 10 years.
At any rate, I didn't think I had much to say. Sometimes one thought just leads to another. I'm feeling very positive about her improvements. As a mother, the car and the crap will all be a thing someday. I want her to be happy and me & my husband to stay married and have a life as well. I think we are finally walking in the right direction.
