The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After all the A has put me through with vehicles, speeding tickets, trashing the truck and more he stil has a sense of entitlement. He'a asked me numerous times to fund a rental car for him (he is living in a rural area with no/limited public transit). I jsut tell him my credit is ruined and I have no money.
He now says the insurance company is going to pay for the damage to the truck. I imagine it will take a few weeks to fix. Really I would like the truck to be fixed and for him to go to jail so I could at least have access to it without him for a few weeks/months/whatever. At the same time dealing with him on any level is such torture. It would be easier in the long term for me to let go of the truck and move on. I will never be able to get a decent insurance rate on it unless I can get his name off the registration and even then I 'm not sure. I tried legally to get his name off the registration if he went to jail I could at leas tserve him (now I am sounding like carolina girl).
I used to find it amazingly triggering his sense of entitlement, his secrecy, his ignoring my needs. Now I do not I can stand back and look at the triggers andlet them go by. He goes to court on Tuesday and the case may be remanded again who knows. I doubt it though they tend to resolve those kind of cases pretty quickly.
The A is now talking about moving across the country. I have no idea how he will do it. I am certainly not going to fund it as I am absolutely up to ears in debt. I cannot even imagine how much the gas would cxost to move that far with a truck load. I do notice whatever he does has to be some grand gesture he can't do anything simple or straight forward. He can go stay with his uncle and regroup but he can't do that that would be too easy.
He is full of woe, irritation and rage. I am not being triggered by that either. I have let go of the need for him to see sense. He doesn't have any and he may never have it. I want to move on with my life without worrying about what he will do next.
The good news is he is not driving. i have no doubt whatever happens he will not be able to drive for a while but that hasn't stopped him in the past. The only thing that will stop him driving is jail. The other good news is that he can't bother me this weekend. He has no money and I am not giving him any. I move nearer and nearer to a place of no longer taking any responsibility for his life or his needs. I have enough to do to try to even imagine my own.
How are you doing? Are you taking care of yourself? Are you going to meetings and working on detachment and boundaries? Are you in touch with your HP and letting your A be in touch with his?
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Sounds like you are seeing a lot clearly....it does sound exhausting just to read about his life through your words. Good work with the boundaries and saying no. Make sure you are doing something nice for you this weekend! Love, Fifi
I know how exhausting they can be, and thats even when things are going real well for them, let alone if they are not, you keep putting everything into writing to these companies and keep photocopies documenting same, this means you can create a paper trail that protects you. Don't argue with these people on the phone, tell them you have kept copies, give them your number is you want and let them call you, I find I often wasted a lot of time and energy on the phone when a letter did a million things more for me, people cannot misrepresent you quite as much. I hope all goes well for you and know just what you are going through. Do something nice for yourself today, you deserve it.
You just do whatever you think is best for YOU! You have been doing so well lately, it's hard not to fall into that trap of rescuing them but it gets easier the more you say no. I think it's because they eventually realize that you will continue to say no so they start asking someone else! Just a theory. The I needs don't go away, they just go to someone else. What a relief that is!
