The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Life has been really rough this past week for me. As you most likely know by now, my dearest sister, Dee, was murdered by her husband of 26 years last Tuesday. I have spent the last week in Roanoke Va, struggling to get her life insurance to cover burial expenses, as her husband is listed as her beneficary on the polcies and of course they didn't want to release any funds on the polcies because he murdered her. The Lord came through once again and got them to approve of all burial cost and to adjust the polcies so that her eldest daughter will be the executor of the estate, which includes the life insurance. Of course there is always a catch to things such as this, and therefore while the funeral home agreed to provide its services pending the release of those funds, the cemetry required we pay for the plot in advance and then get remibursed by the insurance later. In any event, we were able to provide her with a very honorable funeral and burial. She is now buried at the foot of both my mother and fathers grave sites.
My sisters husband has made a full, detailed confusion. He is now charged with 1st degree premediated murder. He has been denied any bond, and the Commonwealth's Attorney has assured us that they will seek the maximum sentence of life in prison without the possibility of parole and will not settle for anything less in any plea burgain attempts by his attorney. However, the police crime scene analyist was completely a bloched investigation to say the least. They were suppose to determine if the crime scene matched his version of events and retrive all related evidence. Where this happened, in Vinton, Va, just outside of Roanoke, they had not had a murder in over 13 years. only 3 in the past 40 years. So, they didn't have the experience or training to do this sort of work and really made a mess of the crime scene themselves. First, they "assumed" that she was shot in the basement where her body was found. In actuality she was shot in the living room upstairs, and a massive blood stain in the carpet was thought to be "normal wear and tear in a high traffic area" so they walked through the blood and tracked it all over the house themselves. They were in the house for approx. 14 hours and didn't realize what they were doing! Then they left evidence all over the house, such as paper towels her husband had used to wipe blood off his hands in the trash can in the kitchen, and blood stained towels were left in the clothes dryer that he attempted to use to clean up the murder scene before being discovered. When this was pointed out to the police by phone, asking if this was not considered evidence, the reply we got was, "oh, we didn't think to look in those places." The crime scene status was lifted, and of course we had to enter the property to find insurance paperwork, etc, and while doing so discovered not only the above but that they had not retrived the bullet from a wall in the living room. They had stated they had a entry and exit wound to the head, had possession of the murder weapon, a .38 revolver, and yet had not even attempted to locate the slug for bullistics to confirm they had the actual murder weapon. When we pointed this out to them during our family interviews with the police, they put another crime scene seal on the house, and got another search warrant "to continue the investigation and collect all remining evidence". Yet, during the time the crime scene status was lifted, not less then 8 people had been in and out of the house, including myself, which by all standards would deem the crime scene as "contaminated". Heck, when a glass pipe was pointed out on the kitchen counter, that was obviously used by someone to smoke marijuana from, the police officer picked it up with his bare hands to examine it visually. His fingerprints were picked up by the crime scene team and his had smeared the users prints so bad that it could not be determined who else had held it!
I lost it. I called and blasted the chief of police and the leader of the crime scene team. I told them that if this was a real who done it case, or there was no confession, and this man had a real defense attorney, instead of a court appointed one, I could shead their case to pieces in a court room and I'm not even an attorney! I would have them explaining how they were in the house during that 14 hours, tracking blood all over the place and not even notice, how did they intend to prove they had the murder weapon, without so much as even attempting to locate the slug that killed my sister to match to this weapon, how could they provide proof that he tried to clean up, and conceal the crime when they left the evidence of this in the kitchen trash can and in the cloths dryer, and next I would be attempting to make it appear as indicated by such a poor crime scene investigation, that one of the officers was high on marijuana, which could be substaniated by his prints all over a glass pipe on the property that had marijuana residue in it!! And this is only the beginning of where they screwed up at every turn regarding the crime scene. Then there is the "professional biohazard clean up and decontamination" outfit that they used to transport my sisters body to the medical examiners office and clean the crime scene after their initatial crime scene investigation and before the second one. These two men are the very picture of "dumb and dumber" or "bevace and butt head". Instead of cleaning blood off the walls, the chemical they used and how they used it, only embedded the blood stains into the walls, and when they tried to wipe it off, only smeared it more on and into the white walls. Instead of sucking the blood out of the carpet, they actually, soaked it further into the carpet and into the matting under the carpet, now the carpet looks worse than it did before it was touched by them. No record or log was made of the condition of the body before it was moved, what other bruices, cuts, etc, it had, jewlery she was wearing, what clothing, the bodies position, etc. and they moved it to the medical examiners office for an atopcsy to determine the cause of death, in their work van, which was dirty, and full of vacums, carpet shampooer, floor buffer, buckets, mops, brooms, rakes, shovels that were contaminated with other disgusting crime scene and car accident death clean up waste!!! I screamed, "you moved her body in that filithy van?" and got a "yeah, but we put her in a body bag before we stuffed her in there" reply from them!!! One of them had shaved off all his facial hair, including his darn eye brows, his head was bald and waxed and he had this little curly goat tee hanging from his chin. He looked like a human croch! The other had needle tracks on both his arms, which screamed, "I'm a old heroin junkie" at any one looking at him!! When I blasted the cheif of police and leader of the crime scene investigation, I was so angry. "If body fluid from any other source these two clowns had contact with, was transferred to my sisters body, that could be used as a defense that someone else besides her husband was involved in her murder! The treatment of the body during its being picked up, bagged and transported by dumb and dumber could cause damages that were misleading to the medical examiner and hinder an accurate report of the bodies condition and cause of that condition in the atopscy! The mop that was used to clean up the blood in the basement was not rinsed out and rong out properly so a pool of blood less than a foot in dimeter was literally smeared all over a space of approximately 6 ft. x 10 ft. on the concrete basement floor! Which my brother and I had to clean up so my sisters son and daughter weren't exposed to that mess!
I have never in my life been so sad and angry at the same time. This whole experience from start to finish was so tragic and shockingly unbelievable for me. Yet, it was me that brought a bit of humor to the situation, in an effort to lighten the atmosphere of sorrow, loss and despair felt by everyone around me. I did this simply because in the absince of the humor, I would have been crying and screaming my heart out the whole time I was there among my extended family and those who loved and valued my sister so dearly.
I'm not on the other side of this situation either. There is still more sorrow, pain, loss, and anger to be felt, as I must return to Va. this next week for a few days to begin the process of cleaning out my sisters house, determining which organization to donate her clothing to, looking at gifts I gave to her for brithdays, Christmas, etc, in that process, helping the family determine who gets or wants what of the material world within the home that has my sisters life engrained on it, and disposing of the rest in a honorable manner...
This is not right, it is not fair, it sucks and it hurts. My sister was a good woman, a woman who loved this man for 26 years, who raised her children with Christian values, who would give of herself and would help any one she was able to, a woman that was so spirited, so alive, so full of Gods light. A sister that never closed her door to me, nor withdraw her love even when I was once not so lovable, who always gave me a word of encouragement when the rest of the world had lost hope at one time. She was my sister. In family, in life and in Christ.
It's hard to accept she is now gone. A beautiful piece of her lives in me.
Thanks for taking the time to let me share this with you and taking the time to read it.
John
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
OMG!!! I just read your post and my blood ran cold. How terrible for you and your family to have to not only deal with the death of your beloved sister,but to also have to cope with the knowledge that the Police are failing so terribly in their duty to bring the perpetrator to justice.
No consolation I know, but a few years ago my beloved daughter was raped by a newly released serial rapist. Too many Police bungles allowed this monster to go free when the court case found too many " legal technicalities" for a conviction. I was devasted and my daughter was inconsolable. The rapist was freed and went on to rape three more girls before finally being caught and convicted. I remember well the anger and frustration that both I and my family went through during this dark time. I can only thank God that five years on,my daughter is alive and safe.The mental scars of her ordeal,we are still dealing with as a family. I still get angry that another three girls had to suffer because of inadequate policing during the time when my daughter was needing them to be vigilant and efficient,and they failed her.
Of course,this in no way is anything like the distress you and your beloved family must be feeling. And there are no words I can say that will take away the pain and anger you must be feeling.
Please know (((((John)))) that I pray for you and your lovely family that you will find the strength to get through this tragedy. My heart goes out to you all.
(((((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS and MUCH LOVE))))))))))))))))))
I am horrified by what you have gone through. I can't believe how you maintained control. I would not have. There would have been expletives coming out of my mouth that would make a sailor blush. But some how, some way, you always manage to come out the other side. I can't imagine what you must go through when oing through her life and belongings, try to remember all the love, laughter, and joy you two shared. I had to go through my Mother's possesions and that's what kept me going. As long as you have you her children, look into their eyes and see your Dee. She will always be a part of you because she lives in your heart. I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Ah, the death of someone close to you is always so difficult, and the circumstances of this one are horrible. Your program can help you get what peace is possible through this - remember that you always have choices, even when dealing with awful things.
I pray for all who are concerned. I admire your program that allows you to put one foot infront of the other. Though it may not be easy, you still hold on to your sanity.
I am shocked and horrified by your loss and the issues you have had to deal with. I am so glad that you have such a solid program and rose to depend on. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I can understand that the tasks ahead of you are incredible. I hope you will let us all know how you are doing. I cannot imagine how you are managing and know that all the work you have done on yourself and your program will carry you through this nightmare. We are here if and when you need us, anytime, day or night.
((((((((((John)))))))))(((((((Rose)))))))) Having been through this type of tragedy I know that there are no words. I will be keeping you and yours in my thoughts and prayers. Hold on tight and remember to breathe. lilms
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Two things: 1. Recovery is a process, not an event.....and.... 2. You only get to go around once. Leave em laughing and make it worth your while
I am as angry as you are John over this incompetent cruel senseless disgusting mess. You are in my prayers. I understand your pain at losing your beloved sister, and please , can you try to focus on her sweetness to help yourself through. Bless you for caring so much . Remember, you are needed by many who support you and are in turn supported by you. God will hold you up and deal out the justice .
Very sorry about your loss. I do know that even if evidence was tampered, they should still have tested his hands (even if he washed them) for gun powder (from the bullet) and he would have immediatly been tested for that. That's usually alot of the proof they need. It shows the gun was in his hands and was set off in his hand. I know it's probably no comfort but once your sister is in the examiners office they take very good care of the body, they wash it and leave her with dignity. They are very caring with the bodies once they are there. (my friend is a mortician) I hope you will be great comfort to her children. I hate to say this, but I hope he lives with this every day of his pathetic life while he's locked up. Also, while he's in prison....other inmates despised men who kill woman, beat them or harm children and I could probably promise that if they find out what he did that he will be paid back. (my mother was a corrections officer and my father, two uncles, and cousin are in the Sheriffs Dept). He will get his, don't you worry about that. Sending angels your way. You know your sister has only left you in body and not in spirit. God Bless.
Truly sorry for the loss of your dear beloved sister.
It seems to magnify the pain when something like this is surrounded by such incompetence and callousness. Most of us could do better after watching an episode or two of CSI. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
You are in my thoughts.
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I was so sorry to hear of your loss. I hope you will find comfort knowing that the man is not at large. It is such a shame when something like this happens.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
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"If we do not change our direction, we are likely to end up where we are headed."
•:*¨¨*:•.•:* ♥¨*:•.•:*¨¨ *:• Ancient Chinese Proverb
John- I am so sorry about all the emotions you are experiencing and all the horrible events that you have had to deal with while trying to mourn and grieve over the loss of your sister. Keep that beautiful piece of your sister close to your heart and never let it go. That beautiful piece will get you through this with the help of God and your Family and Freinds. You and Rose are in my thoughts and prayers along with your family. - Kim
Dear John, I have absolutely no idea what anguish you must be experiencing loosing your sister this way! I am so very sorry that another woman should be loosing her life this way! I am so sorry that your family is going thru these awful things! That someone can take someone's life and have lived and had children with them seems so unbelievably cruel and more awful than anything I could think of! Just know that you and your's are in everyone's prayers and only God can give you some comfort and show you the way to let your sister's life live on thru the people she loved! I hate that women are killed this way by boyfriends, and husbands! It's getting very prevalent in today's society and the people who are in govt. should take steps to make sure that those who do these things never have a chance of parole! I also think that some kind of laws should be in place if a woman feels her life is in danger by someone she's previously been with in a relationship. I know by past experience that these cases are taken lightly and it's termed a "family " problem! I am so very sorry that the public servants are messing up the situtation so terribly and that it adds more pain to your sorrow. Please know that we here at MIP will be praying that the case comes to trial quickly and that all of your family will continue to have strength to get thru all the major and minor things you go thru in these situations. With much love and consolations, Jonibaloni21 in TX
So sorry that this horrible experience was made worse by the incompetence of the officers at the scene. I know you must be fearful that he might get a defense because of this. I hope that the confession sticks and he gets the sentence he deserves. I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister! I hope this will serve as a cautionary tale to those who are invovled in violent relationships. I'm sure your sister never ever imagined that her husband might take her life. We always think these things can't happen to us or someone we love. Thank you for sharing through your pain.
