The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been reading some literature concerning the diagnosis of alcoholism. One book in particular identifies it as a physiological disease.
My question is how do you know when someone is an alcoholic? One could say after the first DUI, or the second or the third... Or how about finding stashed bottles; drinking throughout the day. Yes, but I think those might be stages beyond when the disease first took hold. But how about the early stages, before the sinkhole opens up. What have been some of the experiences with those in this group?
I believe there is a connection of inheritance and /or environment initially. We as outsiders don't see the exact moment one becomes an alcoholic. Just as we cannot see the exact moment a smoker becomes addicted. Which cigarrette was it that clinched the addiction? There is a point when a drink becomes a physical need/craving. It has little to do with how long or how much someone has been drinking. It has more to do with the loss of control and the inability to "not drink".
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I know that the program has taught me that it doesn't matter if the person in my life is an admitted A or not. What matters is if someone else's drinking is effecting my life. It has. But the A's in my life have explained what their take on the disease is. And I have my own experience of what the disease has done to me. I am not an A.
It was so hard for me to believe that my ex had the same disease that my uncle had. My uncle obviously had a disease. He was sick and dying and still drinking. He slipped and fell into the tub, shattered his shoulder and the dr's said stop drinking for a couple weks so we can operate. He couldn't and so live the last 8 years of his life with a shattered shoulder, lost the use of his entire left arm. He lost his family, his job, his licence and by the end, when wet brain had set in, he was mostly catatonic. It was strange in that he could still answer the Wheel Of Fourtune puzzles but would stand for an hour in front of the sink not knowing how to do the dishes (something he always loved to do). The physical effects of Aism was obvious. The yellow skin and eyes, the swollen hands and feet, the missing teeth, the stench, the blood in the urine. His body finally shut down and bled out of every opening in his body. He couldn't stop drinking. He tried for our sake but that doesn't work. I think he believed he really could stop if he wanted to (which was what my mother and grandmother told him repeatedly) and so when he tried and failed he convinced himself that drinking himself to death was really his choice. It wasn't his choice. No one would do that to themselves. There was no fun in what happened to him. He was not "party-ing".
My ex ah has the very same disease. I really had a hard time believeing that philosphy. Here was my young, vital H and he would stop drinking and drugging. He would hold a job. But, when he started drinking he could not stop. No matter what the consequences. Losing me, the kids, the house, his job, his family, his friends. Didn't matter when he started using. That is the disease of Alcoholism. It is progressive. It is deadly. It goes into remission but will never go away. An A has to be vigliant about staying clean. An A has to be completly honest. And even then, the disease is always with them, waiting. Is it physical? I have seen it become a physical disease. My uncle could not live without alcohol. He would have literally died if he tried to quit towards the end. He was physically addicted at that point. Is it mental? My ex also has a couple mental illness. Which came first the mental illness or the Aism? Who knows. Not even the experts could tell me. Is it spiritual? Seems that the best treatment for the disease is finding a spiritual way to deal with it. Is it emotional? I know the A's in my life have the emotional maturity of children. That they deal with their emotions in very destructive ways. If they deal with them at all.
I am not sure what the very first signs are. I look at my kids to see if I can identify any signs. I don't know what I would do if I did. If I was able to see the Aism before it developped. Lock them up? Inform them as to what was to come? All I can do is keep the lines of communication open, give them as much info as appropriate for their age and be honest with them as to what Aism has done to me, them and their whole family. In the end I have to believe it is between then and their HP. Their life is theirs. While the are children and in my home I will raise them to the best of my ability. I don't know if I would ever have them tested to find out if they have the gene for Aism or for any of the mental or physical illness that run in the families. I am convinced that it is not what happens to you, it is how you choose to deal with it. I can arm them with all the tools I have to prepare them for whatever life holds and then I can be there and love them no matter what.
I found the attached online, and it is kind of the "standard" used for determination of whether or not one is an alcoholic (intended to be self-diagnosis). Hope that helps
Tom
Are You An Alcoholic?
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them as honestly as you can.
YES
NO
1. Do you lose time from work due to drinking?
2. Is drinking making your home life unhappy?
3. Do you drink because you are shy with other people?
4. Is drinking affecting your reputation?
5. Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?
6. Have you gotten into financial difficulties as a result of drinking?
7. Do you turn to lower companions and an inferior environment when drinking?
8. Does your drinking make you careless of your family's welfare?
9. Has your ambition decreased since drinking?
10. Do you crave a drink at a definite time of day?
11. Do you want a drink the next morning?
12. Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
13. Has your efficiency decreased since drinking?
14. Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business?
15. Do you drink to escape from worries or trouble?
16. Do you drink alone?
17. Have you ever had a complete loss of memory as a result of drinking?
18. Has your physician ever treated you for drinking?
19. Do you drink to build up your self-confidence?
20. Have you ever been to a hospital or institution on account of drinking?
If you have answered YES to any one of the questions, there is a definite warning that you may be an alcoholic.
If you have answered YES to any two, the chances are that you are an alcoholic.
If you have answered YES to three or more, you are definitely an alcoholic.
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Well by that test I'm screwed LOL I know I have definitely drank because of shyness and felt remorse the next morning on several occasions. I think anyone who has ever been drunk fails this test.
I took this from the DSM 4. This is for use by doctors and psychologists for diagnosis purposes. Alcoholism would fall under the dependence category. Many people abuse alcohol (anyone who drinks to get drunk) but Alcoholics are dependent.
The American Psychiatric Association has developed strict criteria for the clinical diagnosis of abuse and dependence. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual-IV (DSM-IV) defines abuse as:
A maladaptive pattern of substance use leading to clinically significant impairment or distress, as manifested by one (or more) of the following, occurring within a 12-month period:
recurrent substance use resulting in a failure to fulfill major role obligations at work, school, home (e.g., repeated absences or poor work performance related to substance use; substance-related absences, suspensions, or expulsions from school; neglect of children or household)
recurrent substance use in situations in which it is physically hazardous (e.g., driving an automobile or operating a machine when impaired by substance use)
recurrent substance-related legal problems (e.g., arrests for substance-related disorderly conduct)
continued substance use despite having persistent or recurrent social or interpersonal problems caused or exacerbated by the effects of the substance (e.g., arguments with spouse about consequences of intoxication, physical fights)
The symptoms have never met the criteria for Substance Dependence for this class of substances.
[DSM-IV, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, ed. 4. Washington DC: American Psychiatric Association (AMA). 1994.]
Most often, abuse is diagnosed in individuals who recently began using alcohol. Over time, abuse may progress to dependence. However, some alcohol users abuse alcohol for long periods without developing dependence.
Dependence is suspected when alcohol use is accompanied by signs of the following:
A maladaptive pattern of substance use, leading to clinically significant impairment or distress, as manifested by three (or more) of the following, occurring at any time in the same 12-month period:
tolerance, as defined by either of the following: a need for markedly increased amounts of the substance to achieve intoxication or desired effect markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount of substance
withdrawal, as manifested by either of the following: the characteristic withdrawal syndrome for the substance the same (or a closely related) substance is taken to relieve or avoid withdrawal symptoms
the substance is often taken in larger amounts or over a longer period than was intended
there is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control substance use
a great deal of time is spent in activities to obtain the substance, use the substance, or recover from its effects
important social, occupational or recreational activities are given up or reduced because of substance use
the substance use is continued despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent physical or psychological problem that is likely to have been caused or exacerbated by the substance (e.g., continued drinking despite recognition that an ulcer was made worse by alcohol consumption)
[DSM-IV, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, ed. 4. Washington DC: American Psychiatric Association (AMA). 1994.]
I agree with all the above and add my personal experience. I am not talking about college kids or 20 something singles but ..... Anyone at age 30 something with spouse & baby who drinks to point of excess whether they were capapable of making the decision or not and trys to drive home & gets sick or pulls over, falls asleep both requiring cops to call for him to be driven home in the middle of the night from some obscure street in a major city 30 miles away doesn't have the cababilities to tell themselves enough is enough. If you can't do that, it will progress slowly and shock you that he is an A. Maybe once, a mistake but if you keep looking back and see this just once a year, they are not cabable to put any brakes on - coping, stuffing emotions, self medicating as the stresses of life build, I am not sure.
That was 22 years ago and it has slowly became a serious physical health & family illness. My teens knew a couple years before I came out of denial because he is a highly functioning A but yet it is impossible to know as his tolerance has always been super high and continues to grow with the super slow additions to quanity over so many years.
I see hereditary and environmental impact plus he has always had a sweet tooth for candy. I read somewhere, that a child with high craving for sweets can be a potential A. I try to disbelieve that as we have one child who always craves sugar.
Just my two cents
ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
My AH has described the progressive nature of alcoholism in this way:
If you were to drop a frog in a pan of boiling water, it would jump out. But, if you put a frog in a pan of tepid water and slowly turn up the heat, it will stay in the water until it boils to death.
It is hard to pinpoint when the water gets too hot when it heats up slowly.
I would like to add that Canadianguys post is correct however, it should say "at days at a time". Because anyone could feel half of that their first time drinking. Cause gawd knows if I drink the day after is horrible and effects everything I do but then I don't drink again for years. That's why I don't drink. An alcoholic would not want to feel horrible so they drink again and then it snowballs. Know what I mean?
Alcoholics themselves often use the model of 3 stages of alcoholism - early, middle, and late. This description is from the Betty Ford Center:
"Alcoholism is a disease. It is inevitably progressive, and it is exquisitely predictable, based on these symptoms:
Early Stage: Preoccupation with alcohol, sneaking drinks, gulping drinks, increasing tolerance to alcohol, guilty feelings about increased drinking, refusal to talk about ones drinking and the beginning of memory blanks are early symptoms of alcoholism. Because of increasing tolerance, the person may rarely appear to be drunk. This stage may continue for a prolonged period of time.
Middle Stage: Identifiable symptoms of this stage are beginning loss of control (drinking more and for longer periods than intended), expressed feelings of remorse and repeated unsuccessful attempts to cut down or quit. Important social, occupational or recreational activities are given up or reduced due to drinking. Alcohol-centered behaviors, characterized by legal problems (DUIS), job loss, hospitalizations and family disruptions occur in a progressive pattern. Minor to major alcohol withdrawal syndromes are a part of this stage of the disease. Rationalization becomes the way of explaining all the consequences of drinking that accumulate during this stage. In spite of adverse consequences, drinking continues.
Late Stage: The physical signs of alcoholism mark this stage. These include organic brain changes characterized by ethical deterioration and impaired judgment. There is loss of abstract thinking, memory and the ability to concentrate. Alcohol-related liver disease, heart disease and an increased incidence of mouth and esophageal cancers may have developed by this late stage. Severe forms of withdrawal (DTs) are frequent occurrences in the chronic alcoholic after long years of heavy consumption. In addition to this morbidity, the mortality rate is 5 percent of the U.S. population, exceeded only by heart disease, stroke and cancer.
These symptoms occur on a continuum, some slower, some more rapidly, but inevitably in this sequence."
As others have pointed out, though, whether they are, aren't, or might be is essentially irrelevant to your participation in Alanon: if you have been affected by, or concerned about, their drinking, it's very likely alanon can help YOU, regardless of what happens with THEM.
This doesn't describe alcoholism but it explains what happens and why it's a disease versus a choice.
Hope it helps, Maria
Hello:
Have we met before? If not let me tell you a little about myself. I don't share myself with just anyone. I pick only a chosen few who will appreciate me, and then, only if the timing is perfect. I have chosen you. For people like you are very special to me because it is your kind who are perceptive to my many talents. You'll be very anxious to know me better, and as soon as we touch, the physical attraction between us soars. We'll continue our encounter, with me leading you down a path of pure physical exhilaration, and you'll beg for more.
At first our attraction will be purely physical, but you must realize that this is a very important phase of our relationship. Be confident that it will grow into something much deeper. I am. As we get to know each other better, you'll learn to come to me with your problems: For not only will I help you with them, but I will also take away their deep pain. I'll give you the best that I have, and I'll be patient. I'll know, in time, that you will give yourself totally to me.
When you are with me, you'll feel warm and secure. I will ease your mind, soothe away your troubles, and fill your soul with pleasure. With me, you'll feel as if you can conquer the world: As if you have a special key to happiness. You'll enjoy living again. I'll be the answer to your unspoken prayers. You'll soon wonder how you ever lived without me.
As our relationship grows, you'll start to exclude others from your life . . . but that's okay, you know that I can give you all you need. I'll be your lover, best friend, and confidant. I will always be available when you need me. This I will prove to you time and time again, and you'll realize that you don't need others -- when you have someone like me, all others seem inadequate.
So we'll see more and more of each other and decide that it is really impractical not to live together, so we'll make that move. Our life together will encompass many beautiful experiences. We'll do it all together: Swim in the ocean, picnic on the beach, fly kites; and whenever you feel the urge, we'll make love. Our relationship will be devoid of fights or arguments. I'll give myself totally to you, knowing that I'll receive the same in return.
You'll soon realize that you've dedicated your life to me. It will happen before you know it. I sort of take you by surprise, and you'll wonder if maybe you should take some time alone, away from me. After all, people say everyone needs some time alone, even if they are in love. And face it, you are irrestibly in love with me. So you vow to take some time alone, even though you really don't want to.
You'll start to spend the day in solitary adventure, doing something you've always wanted to do, after a few hours though, you'll find that you're not really enjoying yourself, and realize that you miss me more than you ever thought you could. You'll feel a terrible empty void without me and think about coming back home. It makes you a little angry that you didn't keep the promise to yourself, but you rationalize that you don't have to come back home, but rather you just want to. The whole way home you tell yourself that if you really want to spend the day alone, you could -- you just don't want to.
When you walk through that door, it will fill my heart with pleasure -- for I'd been hoping that you wouldn't spend the whole day without me. You'll come running to me, and I'll take you in my arms and hold you so tightly that it becomes a bit painful, but you won't mind. Though you won't see my face as I embrace you, I'll have a very satisfied smile. For it's the moment I have been waiting for. I've got you right where I want you. You now have no choice. You cannot live without me and I'll love it!!!
It's precisely at this point that you cease to be my lover and become my victim. You see, my ultimate goal is to murder you, and I have begun to do just that. But my methods are slow. I can do it slowly because you won't be able to leave me even though you know that I am killing you. That's the joy of it; the beauty of it! You will make a choice to die, and you'll let me do it.
Do you recognize me yet? You should . . . for you see, this relationship has already taken place between you and I. We are intimately acquainted, and now, I am patiently waiting for you to come back to me. I will follow you and wait for you wherever you go. I can wait forever -- for you see, I am your drug of choice -- alcohol (or whatever other addiction).
Source: Unknown
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I recall at one of my face to face meetings the topic was Alcoholism as a disease and the shares were similar to what I read here. I recall having a hard time understanding this as well because most if not all the As I have known are functioning or were. I could only add that it surely must be a disease because I can not imagine anyone choosing to lose their wife and child by simply not drinking. That to me was proof enough (just as Maria shared) that it had to be a powerful disease and not just a choice.
I agree w/ serendipity, I know that I am/ was affected by anothers drinking so I made the choice to help myself. The more time I had spent wondering the how and what of this disease the less I was able to focus on what I could change and that was me.
