The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello everyone! I finally got registered after 3 days of reading everyone's posts. I am so glad to be here. It's so comforting knowing I'm not alone and there are other people dealing with what I am too. I finally feel like I'm headed in the right direction. Ready for my book?! I am living with my AH. We've been together for a total of 8 yrs. I knew he was an A when we married, but silly me I thought I could change him, or he would change on his own - ya right. Now that I've read more about Al-anon and got some tips I am teaching myself to detach. Oh how hard it is, but I'm getting better. It's so much nicer. Over the years I've learned not to argue with him. That's been a real helper. He's not violent, and we don't have children. That's a plus, but I'm sooooo lonely most of the time. I have never been to a ftf meeting. I have to admit I'm a little scared to go. I'm shy and don't like to talk about it with other people. I guess that's why it's so much better here. I'm braver here. I have a rule of no alcohol in the house. But I do know he hides it. I have driven myself crazy before trying to find it and pour it down the sink. That just makes it worse. So I hadn't done that in a long time. Then the other day I noticed he was drunk by 9:00am and passed out like always. So I knew it was here somewhere, and of course I found the vodka and beer and poured it out. Then the next two days were even worse. He got himself very drunk and stayed that way. Today he was actually lucid, I guess you could call it that. I could actually talk to him and it was him talking, not the alcohol. It was nice, and it lasted for an hour before he went out and drank some more shots from the liquor store. He came back and it passed out again. He, He, He.... anyways we don't have a car, and we work separate shifts so we don't see eachother often. I think it's easier that way. And, I have my own checking account, thank God. I'm just glad there's someone to talk to about all this. I'm really trying to separate myself from it all. I'm trying to make me happy, and I'm contemplating how to leave. I've thought about leaving before, but now it's different. I have to think about me. I'm not getting any younger, and I want to have a loving sober husband and children and be happy. I can't remember the last time we were happy. Anyway, sorry for the long post, hope I wasn't too boring. I'm just so happy to talk about it and listen and get more info to learn how to deal with this horrible disease. Thank you all so much. CJ
Welcome to this group. You can certainly share as much as you want here. Some of us share every day, others share as and when issues arise.
Recovery in alanon is never boring. I am also very shy and have a hard time opeing up to people. At the same time this place has been a lifeline forme on many levels.
I've been here over 2 years and have tosay my life is far far more manageable these days. I attribute a llot of that to the wonderful people on this board.
Thanks for sharing. If you have read the posts, I'm sure you realize that you are certainly not alone in this. You keep taking care of yourself and let him take care of himself. The longer you work at this, the better it gets!
Glad you came in and shared with us. You don't ever have to apologize for sharing... as that is much of what makes us healthy. It was the same for me when I got here... I was worried about what other people might think of me, making a long share or just telling them about my Awife. Soon, I learned that what other people think of me is none of my business and that I had isolated myself to such a point that I was extremely lonely and depressed. Anyhow, my first share was honestly pages long.... but I had to get it out of me, and the people here still welcomed me with open arms and warm hearts.
Your happiness is worth the healing and fellowship Al-Anon can provide! My situation is relatively similar to yours; but it is the behaviors of the ourselves and the A that tie us all together here. There is much love, hope, experience, strength, and compassion in these rooms, and all here for you... ya just gotta KEEP COMING BACK!
with love, cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
I relate. I have not attended many face to face meetings. Lots is from my disabilities.
One thing that helps so much is to detach totally from the A's illness. It is not our problem. We learn not to monitor them, we call it keeping our own inventory, not theirs. We have NO control over their disease, so what makes us get involved at all?
I sure don't. I want nothing to do with it. Pouring it out is like throwing money away. They will just buy more. Plus it is only hurting you. Taking your energy away when you could be reading or going for a walk, playing with the dog, painting, talking to someone on the phone, shopping....
When we concentrate on their stuff we are robbing ourselves for nothing.
You have made some great progress though. Good for you big time. When they talk when they are using, it isn't them anyway it is the disease.
So for me, all I did was love him. Gave the disease no thought. He was totally on his own with that. When his disease saw I would not play, it took him a way. Made him feel so guilty becuz I was happy, did not yell, minded my own business. He could not make me look bad anymore. A's do not like to be naughty alone.
Thank you all so much for the warm welcome. I will be coming back, because this is the only thing that's keeping me focused, and motivated. :) Thank you. CJ
