The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i responded to my own topic so i wasnt sure if those of you who responded to my first post would get this. some one please let me know the proper way to respond to replies and i will do it the right way! thanks. anyway here is what i said{ well when i found all these responses today i have to tell you i just wanted to cry. FINALLY, i was able to let it all out and FINALLY get some feed back. thank you so much for all your comments and sharing and advice..... i will try and keep all this is mind i have a feeling that this place may help me more than the face to face meetings (i am going to keep going to the two that i have been to) but here i can have the time to say what i feel without the kids hearing the crap and not having to worry about getting home to them, and i love writing~ i can get all the emotions out without being interrupted or forgetting what else i wanted to say. so with this here and the f2f meetings i think i can get through these bumps (i am feeling a little optimistic today) ;) at the same time i think i might have messed up a little- he decided to take the group therapy off today to spend it with the kids, and to fix the van rotors, throw away some things that needed to go to the dump, and all that stuff, which was great . i got some time to myself, he took the girls with him for like an hour and i picked up his alcoholics anonymous book ( i NEEEED to get the alanon books) i read the chapter to wives, and in it i read that if i feel resentment it could be the worse thing and it might want to make him start again. if he didnt get it from me he would get it from the kids, i am their advocate but i guess he could feel their wanting him too. i didnt have to tell him. well it is what it is they say, and i cant control what happens on his end it what im getting. i can only try and be supportive and keep things in check here for me andthe kids. oh i hope i can do it!!!! its gonna be a long hard road but i think its worth the chance to see if these kids can have the normal family they deserve. i will just be getting older and grayer faster in this life than i expected but its all for the kids so i will sacrifice me and take care of their needs first. what ever is left at the end of the day if i have energy i will use for ok i am rambling BUT AGAIN THANK YOU ALL I LOOK FORWARD TO TALKING SOME MORE!!!!! i finally memorized the serenity prayer it keeps popping up in my head and thats a good thing
So glad you found us. This program is a lifesaver. And I know what you mean about this board. It's nice to be able to finish a thought and write all you need to say at once.
Keep coming back.
PS- You can just reply to your own post. We will find it.
-- Edited by Jen at 15:35, 2007-08-23
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Hello again frazled , I absolutley hate that chapter to the wives in AA big book , you are NOT powerful enough to make anyone drink or STOP . I love the big book of AA but that chapter infuriates me . :) You can support his efforts by working your own program. If your husb chooses to drink again it will have nothing to do with you . have that tatooed on your eye lids hehe. Please keep going to your f2f meetings they are very important sometimes we need people with skin on em ya know ? Again this site is awsome but u would miss so much if you only came here , your meetings will become more important as u relax and start to trust the group , and remember they cannot help you unless u let them know whats going on in your life take a chance and let them in so you can get out .
So glad you found us. So much to learn, so little time (smile). I don't want to bust your enthusiasm but just wanted to let you know that in time you will realize that you don't need to sacrifice yourself for either your husband or your children. In fact, when Mom is happy, everyone is happy
Keep coming and keep posting, yours in recovery, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
i just have to thank God for alanon!! i am new to all of this and have only been to two meetings but i have read everything in the packets when i began and i had my husband pick me up the one day at a time in alanon book when he went to his last meeting. i wanted to go to the meeting for myself. that is the dilemma i have now. his parents/sister watched our two girls so we could go at out meetings. same place same time. this past sunday they werent around and if they got back in time they would watch the kids. but they didnt, and my husband said for me to go and he would stay with the girls. i said no you are the one in recovery. you go. someone offered him beer that day, knowing full well he was quitting and he told me about it. it was great that he can be honest with me and also that he refused. so i said if you had taken the drink i might feel like i needed to go but youre the one in recovery so go. i have a feeling that his family wont be available today either. he says maybe i can go to two meetings a week and he will go to four. we have been spending one day a week for the family time. my thing is, if aa is doing so well to keep him sober, am i being interfering with his recovery by taking the two days myself? i think it might be a little early in his recovery for me to go ahead and be selfish. yeah im worrying i guess "let go and let GOD" so maybe i should just go do my meeting and see how that works out. maybe just once a week and he can do the 5 days. its all working out so well! this situation here was just turmoil and when i left it was to struggle and raise the kids on my own. such a miracle has happened since we have our aa and alanon. we dont fight. we talk. really talk. there is no tension. maybe a little but it is normal family stuff not alcoholic related. instead of animosity, we share time together. i am in his bed at night. i havent been there for more than two years, and guess what? we READ. together. he reads his and i read mine and i never ever thought we would be at that point. I believe MIRACLEs hAppen! by the grace of God it has happened here and its like a blessing in disquise (his alcoholism) we are living a better life than i ever thought was possible for us. the alanon way of life and philosophy will always be my way! in all areas of life it can be applied . when i read the one day at a time book, i dont only reflect it on my alcoholic husband, there are other situations in my life i think of and it is wonderful. so much peace and understanding i would have never known if it was not for alanon! and this is just the beginning!
cry. FINALLY, i was able to let it all out and FINALLY get some feed back. thank you so much for all your comments and sharing and advice..... i will try and keep all this is mind i have a feeling that this place may help me more than the face to face meetings (i am going to keep going to the two that i have been to) but here i can have the time to say what i feel without the kids hearing the crap and not having to worry about getting home to them, and i love writing~ i can get all the emotions out without being interrupted or forgetting what else i wanted to say. so with this here and the f2f meetings i think i can get through these bumps (i am feeling a little optimistic today) ;) at the same time i think i might have messed up a little- he decided to take the group therapy off today to spend it with the kids, and to fix the van rotors, throw away some things that needed to go to the dump, and all that stuff, which was great . i got some time to myself, he took the girls with him for like an hour and i picked up his alcoholics anonymous book ( i NEEEED to get the alanon books) i read the chapter to wives, and in it i read that if i feel resentment it could be the worse thing and it might want to make him start again. if he didnt get it from me he would get it from the kids, i am their advocate but i guess he could feel their wanting him too. i didnt have to tell him. well it is what it is they say, and i cant control what happens on his end it what im getting. i can only try and be supportive and keep things in check here for me andthe kids. oh i hope i can do it!!!! its gonna be a long hard road but i think its worth the chance to see if these kids can have the normal family they deserve. i will just be getting older and grayer faster in this life than i expected but its all for the kids so i will sacrifice me and take care of their needs first. what ever is left at the end of the day if i have energy i will use for ok i am rambling BUT AGAIN THANK YOU ALL I LOOK FORWARD TO TALKING SOME MORE!!!!! i finally memorized the serenity prayer it keeps popping up in my head and thats a good thing 
