Hey girl,
I know where you're at with this and it sucks. Here are some things I have learned that have helped me. First, I try not to think too far into the future. I had a really hard time at first with thinking about never again being with him. When I allowed the possibility of us getting together again under specific circumstances it made it easier. Now after a year I know those circumstances won't happen and even if they did I don't think I could ever be with him again. Total 180 in perspective.

Same is true with the kids, you are not the one they will resent. They are much more observant and aware than you think. I try really hard not to badmouth my A in front of them (takes jaws of steel sometimes) but they form their own conclusions when he doesn't do what he says he will or show up for weeks or months at a time.

Another thing about him latching onto the GF, my A is the same way. They hate themselves so much they can't stand to be alone. I know that when my A gets out of prison he will find some poor sweet thing to latch onto that will take care of him or try anyway LOL. That used to hurt me but now I know that he is sick and like a child needing someone to take care of him. When I first left, I felt that way for a long time, I couldn't be alone, had to find a man, searched for any attention, and then one day I stopped and because of that I have gotten better. They can't see that about themselves, they don't have the insight.

Your thing is you have to let go of the delusion of who you want him to be, you have all these expectations of how a "NORMAL" person would behave and he's not normal. You have to let go of the expectations. That was really hard for me I thought why can't I expect someone to act like everyone else? But you just can't. I realized that most of my resentment and anger was tied into him not being who I expected and wanted him to be, him not doing what I wanted him to do and it was easier for me to let go. I gained a sort of acceptance of this is who he is, he is not who I want him to be but he has a god given right to be whatever and whoever he wants whether I like it or not.

I finally came to the conclusion that if I have no expectations of him or always expect him to behave like an addict then I am not disappointed when he does. You know this is him now, the only thing keeping you tied up here are your expectations of him being a good father, a good friend, a good man. Expect instead that he will latch onto his GF because of his massive insecurity, he will abandon you and the children for her or for drugs or for whatever reason you want to come up with and when that is what's expected, anything else is just a bonus. It's like relying on an A to pay child support or any other joint bill, if you expect it or rely on it you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

As for his court threats just let that roll off you like water on a duck's back. You know he doesn't have a leg to stand on so like the penguins in Madagascar say just smile and wave, smile and wave. And be thinking in your head (not out loud of course) YA WHATEVER we'll see how THAT turns out. Maybe even a little visual of the court hearing and him being pounded by all the evidence. As long as the outside looks nice it doesn't really matter what you're thinking on the inside.

The very best thing that happened for me was him going to jail and not talking to him for extended periods of time. I bet that would help you too, because they just have a way of pushing your buttons and being charming and persuasive too. You can do this but 99% of what you need to do is work on your thoughts and feelings about the situation, only you can control how you think and feel and most important react. No reaction is a great tool to use.