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Help....I am so overwhelmed by my life.....it is just me....no A anymore (other than the shell shock I feel in the aftermath of him which is very real and present). BUt I try and work at 3 different locations...long hard days...then come home to take care of two kids...the house is a mess, lawn unmowed, dishes and laundry pile, billls pile, squeezed in a day are multiple drs appointments to manage my cancer care, then lrgal forms with divorce problems, not to mention 3 meals a day for the kids. I feel like it is humanly impossible to do all I have to alone. What do I prioritize? What do I do? What do I let slip? I try and count my blessings and I feel so guilty for breaking like this because my life is filled with joy and blessings.....but so often I feel like there is no escape raft...no way out...no exit....and I feel like Im gonna explode and my kids feel it too and then I get down on myself even more for involving them in my emotional distress. I do small things for myself each day...a run, a sit in a coffee shop, a visit with a friend, tea and a good book.....but it doesn't make a dent in the stress.
I hate complaining because I feel like this life is so wonderful, but single parenting/homekeeping/working is just too much today. And it is getting the better of me. Hand my self over to HP? Who says, its just gonna be like this for awhile girl...hold on.
So sad and tired with so much to do still tonight.....i thank god at least there isn't a drunk on my couch tonight....and no one will come home and yell at me.
You ended that with two gratitudes...good girl. Just a suggestion? The slogans work wonders for me when I get that stressed out. Focusing on one and following thru works tons for me. "How important is it?", "Turn it over", "This too will pass", "Just for today", and my favorite..."Don't react". I have the slogans pretty well attached to my negative feelings so that when they try to take over an appropriate slogan kicks in. HP is ALWAYS here so guidance and compassion are in everything. When I get stressed prioritizing may help me put all the things I think I am responsible for in alphabetical or numerical or timely order but what I really maybe needing to do is take some of that stuff I am feeling so responsible for and asking for help on it or seeing if I can let it go completely.
I think single parenting is in a way a great sign of strength, courage and self confidence. I also think at times that it is an invitation to go get H E L P!!
Keep coming back here for a time out. (((((hugs)))))
Thanks Jerry.....just what I needed to hear. How important is it? always centers me again. A question tho....."Don't react..." That one is tougher for me to grasp....can you explain that slogan a tiny bit? Thanks, Fifi
Arg, Fifi, just reading your post I can feel how tired you are. It's like a weight bearing down. And I think you are right when you wonder if you can do it all.
I was so used to this bleak, doomed feeling in my life with my A, that even though he's been gone for over two months, the negative thoughts were habit. It took another Alanon to point this out to me that I'm not living with HIS active disease anymore, only my own, and over that I have control. I'm having to change my very thinking about things, and I tell you it is helping to reframe my thoughts in a more positive manner. I want peace, comfort financially, joyful things, pleasurable experiences. So that's what I am refocusing my thinking on. It's just as true as the blatant negativity I was living with :D .
Doesn't mean I don't have obstacles to overcome, serious ones. But I find how I *look* at the obstacles means everything.
What I'm seeing in myself is that I have very, very little faith in myself. Well, I do know how to fix that . . . keeping my own word to myself works like a charm. Speaking with kindness to myself, pretending I have a loving friend in my head that is giving me a hand, keeping me going.
I've let myself down over and over, and I'll get into these frenzies of activity, like I'm trying to make it up to myself. But that doesn't work either. It's very, very scary for me to sit back and let stuff go. And hard to do. But it's not making too much difference :) and I'm getting a little more of a "break" from the overwhelming amount of work I feel I must get done.
I don't know if any of this helps. I'm over here hoeing the row next to you ((waving))
I raise my three alone and it can be overwhelmig at times. I found an outlet in my church. It gives me an hour a week alone and it keeps me focused positively. Ask friends to help with the kids. Me and a few of my friends watch each others kids here and there when we need a break for a few hours. I don't know how old your kids are but I know I did so much and stayed afloat by the grace of God and I can now look back and say 'dang, I was a good mom through all that mess" lol Try not to be supermom. One huge tip is "get a crock pot" you can put anything in it and let it cook itself. Layout the kids clothes at night. Buy easy breakfast things for them to eat. Lunches don't have to be a gourmet meal either. Buy shoes that you don't have to tie. Get the kids on the house cleaning, you'd be surprised what kids like to do. Leave cleaning the house to Sunday afternoons and dishes every other day if you HAVE to.
I mow the grass whenever I can get to it. It's usually twice a month. I'm the type of person though I like to be on the move. It's hard for me to sit at home and just lay around and watch tv so the house is usually cleaned daily here and there.
Focus on those kids because before you know it they will be gone and adults. The housework, the laundry can all be done in time. Let them help. Kids love to do laundry! Good luck.
How old are the kids? They can be part of the solution. I found mine were better helpers if I took them one on one, to keep the bickering down. When they were old enough to be home for school alone when I had to work, they had a chore a day to do while I was at work, along with cleaning up after themselves - no dirty dishes, pop cans all over, etc. I found nothing was more discouraging than to come home for work tired and find the house a disaster area.
For me, a cluttered messy house makes me uncomfortable, so I always made sure certain things were done. Dishes washed, papers and junk picked up, garbage taken out. Dust can be half an inch thick, that's OK, as long as the place is neat. I'd shove all the mess somewhere I couldn't see it and close the door.
Some things are important and need to be done, no matter how you feel about them - getting the power bill paid, for instance. They are first priority. Some things just need to be done because that's what you need to feel comfortable - for me it is picking up mess. They can be next priority. Some things don't really matter to you at all, but the outside world cares about them - for me that would be the lawn. Those can go waaaaaay down the list. The emotional things that matter - spending time with your kids, getting some fresh air and excercise, can be built in to doing what needs to be done.
Also single mom, 3 kids and working and you're right it's DAMN hard!! I have been putting my 3 to work. It usually involves a lot of yelling. They are all at home with the oldest right now. I have been having problems with the middle child misbehaving and no matter how much I spank she continues. Not really sure what to do about that right now she does bad things knowing they're bad and doesn't care about the punishment. Sneaks out while I'm sleeping and eats junk food, soda, whatever. Spilled a bottle of nail polish on her bedroom floor last night. Consistently breaks the rules. Everyone else is in line but she is way way out! My kids do the work when I'm at work or very shortly after I get home if not. I yell a lot but it gets done. They are capable of making small meals for themselves and I don't really prepare a "dinner" because no one eats the same things. We are moving hopefully this weekend and so that has been extra stress on me. Have you applied for daycare assistance? I get that and it helps a lot because they are not messing up the house all day while I'm at work. Just a few suggestions. We all have a vision of what it is to be a good mom and sometimes we just have to lower our standards as long as everyone eats and they are healthy and fairly happy you're doing your job!
