The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm having one of those days when I feel that no sooner do I get finished putting out one fire another one pops up. Its been that way for the last three weeks. There is no time to get exhausted and quit because if I quit I'd be surrendering to creditors and idiots who could care less about how much my little place means to me. I know quite a few here on the board are going through the same kind of turmoil... it sucks!!! It down right Sucks!!!
Also, I think AH is having a "dry drunk" spell, but I'm not sure. Not sure if I quite understand dry drunkeness, but the old behaviors are popping up here and there he's just not drinking/using (to my knowledge anyway). So he's been a real treat to be around.
All b**%$#@! aside, HP has shown some wonderful grace and mercy to us and provided us a way to pay our debts off, but nothing short of AH's hard work and my patience. He's not happy about all the side work that he's doing is going right to bills, but I think he understands that this is his responsibility just as much as mine. My issues... well, I have slipped some especially with all the "attitude" around my house its been difficult to stay detached. I'm working on putting my own emotional fires out and placing things where they belong and who they belong with. It's a fight and one that feels like a fight to the very end.
Today I feel like taking a break from this fight and let someone else deal with it, but that is just not possible. Running from the fight will not benefit me one bit so for everyone who feels like giving up the good fight today, I'm right there with ya, but I'll keep keepin on because that's just who I am and that is just how it has to be. It's neither good nor bad, it just is....
Wishing each of you renewed energy, peace, and hope today. Hugs, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
I know for me the recovery from debt will be a 3 yesr long affair. I find some solace in debtors anonymous. A friend is helping me with the negotiation with creditors. We need lots of moral support there.
My attitude goes up and down. I am sorry it is such a long hard haul for you. I am also sorry that your A does not really seem to appreciate the burden he's put on you. i spoke to the A last week and the only thing he could think of in regards to being a burden is to "run". He has run and will continue to run for ever I guess. Last time he ran he ended up homeless and that about wiped me out This time its differnt I am no longer taking on responsibility that isn't mine.
Oh dear twinmom - I am so understanding what you are going through. Lucky for me, I was able to wash my hands of it (and praying it doesn't bite me in the butt later). I am separated from my AH and his bills are his. Mine are mine. I was able to get my phone number changed and the nasty collection calls have stopped for me. But they still call my office looking for him and we just say there is no one there by that name. They even called my parents and they said they didn't know anyone by that name. So that tells me they are getting desparate and are calling all numbers that were ever associated a/my AH. Nightmare. His irresponsibilites are reaching into other peoples lives that have nothing to do w/his finances. It is sickening.
Try to find some time for yourself to detach and destress each day. It is very important for your own sanity. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers every day.
I'm sincerely with you Twinmom! Keepin on keepin on, it is what it is. Until it changes, or I change, inevitably it WILL change. We can count on that. It is even a positive, hopeful thing. I'm learning to call it faith. In "whatever".
You're better than me. Dh has debt and when he moved out I changed the phone number and forwarded his address. lmao Does that count as letting go??? You're doing great.
I gotcha loud and clear on the debtors chasing someone down. Frig they are STILL calling here almost every day for my ex, STILL sending mail every month. I write "return to sender, MOVED" on the mail and drop it in the box. I have told them on the phone to stop calling for him here. They just don't quit. I don't think I should have to go to the bother of changing my phone # and notifying everyone in kingdom come just because he is a deadbeat so I don't change it. The calls are all from automated service now, which is frustrating because they don't seem to have any control over it because I have told them to take my number out and why but it still continues. Nasty. He hasn't lived here since January, 2006!! Geez take a hint.
At least your AH and you are getting it taken care of, slowly, surely. It WILL stop, things WILL calm down. Applause to both of you for dealing with it and not running away. It is the harder path, but definitely the better one.
Don't let it get you down. Remember that you need to pay your bills, but that you need balance too. Life is not just paying bills. Try to find a little bit to go have some fun once in a while or life just won't seem worth living. fifty or sixty bucks for a night at the movies and a bite to eat won't put the bills that far behind, and the payback for your relationship will be ten fold! We need to take care of our responsibilities, but we all need a little fun too!
