The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just wanted new ones like me to know and thanks to all of you who have been here for awhile, one thing I found that helped me drag myself out of the hopeless dark, back to some glimmer of hope again.
I have been avoiding things, can't get to sleep, if sleep have nighmares that wake me, nap days to avoid, depressed, lethargic etc. Then started getting down on myself for making these unhealthy choices..............
What helped me find a little hope, then a little more hope was letting myself sleep more today and feel the grief, avoidance, depression.
Now rested I searched on the forum for "avoidance", then "depression" and then "sleepy" (tried "lethargic" first but the computer gave me legal posts (:
Hope started to grow when I realised I wasn't the only one who felt like that and I learned some new approaches to counteract these hopeless feelings. It made a really big impression on me when I read these old posts of folks in their beginnings here, feeling like I do but I see their posts of the last few days and they are more confident, knowledgeable and have so much more serenity. If that isn't a big dose of hope so I wanted to share this with other new folks like me and thank many of you that are supporting me now. Love you MIP folks!
ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
yes... those dark days are etched into my memory, now as a tool i use to keep my mind focused on where i am going, and living One Day (moment, minute, second, hour) at a Time. when i first came to program, the miracle i needed came from sharing with my loving family group and this loving family. i needed to get all the bad gunkie out of my head, onto the paper, into the words; let go, let go, let go.
for me, it was a lot of special people who read my posts, and responded back with what Higher Power needed me to know.
I am worth happiness. Expectation leads to resentment. I didn't cause it, can't cure it, definately can't control it. the serenity prayer~~~got me through many dark patches of my path Accept the things I cannot Change. -I cannot change it... what else can I logically do, besides accept? -the alternative is insanity Courage, to change the things I can. -If I don't change, I stay the same... depressed, anxious, irritable, discontent ACK! NO THANKS! Wisdom to know the difference. -my wisdom came in the form of my sponsor, my reading materials, and a host of people like Deb, Luna, Jerry, RTex, Diva, K (and Piper's Kitty), Ally, Tiger, and all the rest. Newbies and Old-Times alike; in humility and humbleness everyone here that shared on the board has given me an opportunity to learn and grow. All I had to do was:
1. Keep coming back 2. Go to meetings 3. Keep coming back some more 4. Go to more meetings 5. Keep coming back
I'm glad you are here... your post is quite inspiring! Hope is good and there for us all!
with love and peace, cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
I have been avoiding things, can't get to sleep, if sleep have nighmares that wake me, nap days to avoid, depressed, lethargic etc. Then started getting down on myself for making these unhealthy choices..............
This is me.
And it does give me hope that there is light at the end of this dark tunnel.
Another page out of my recovery journey. So it is the similarities and not the differences that keep us all together progressing in recovery. One of the things that help the hopelessness become a non-issue was being taught by my sponsor that I had to practice the balance of recovery that was looking at and being grateful for the good in life and not just the dark stuff. At first I couldn't find good stuff yet continued to look for it cause reality is and was that EVERYTHING is not ALWAYS bad!! There is no such thing is my life as everything and always. There was good and I learned to find it and celebrate it from the small stuff that happened to the miracles that I had missed because I was hiding myself so well. I know how to celebrate the good stuff and do rather than enter that dark, murky, sick, empty, depressing world of hopelessness. Haven't been there for a while.
The nightmares were about fear and victimization and the unconscious awareness and acceptance that things would always (there's that word again) come out hurt for me and that I would always be less than. I learned that nightmares were the pictures my subconscious presented as metaphors for my negative thoughts and feelings. THEY WERE NOT REAL!! I suffered nightmares for over 40 years and they always ended up with me being caught by some ogre and beat and almost killed. The ogre was the disease of addiction as my mind saw it and it was killing my spirit. In my nightmares I was chased, caught, beat-up, shot and left for dead. I always lost in my nightmares until I got into this wonderful program of recovery. Then I started to fight back and the tide turned. I started to win many of the horrible confrontations that I fought back in (it was important to dream myself fighting back for my life and sanity) and then there were no more nightmares. I started to have very nice dreams. I am sure it is because of my changed awareness and attitudes that come from how this program has taught me to look at the picture of my life with a new set of eyes.
Progress not perfection. With continued belief and practice in this spiritual program the other stuff, depression (anger turned inward), lethargy (one physical sign of being tired and worn out; theres more) avoidance (not a sin, a tool to stay away from that which is making me ill and things beyond my control), guilt, shame and blame (holding myself to closely to standards and expectations that are not valid in the condition I am suffering from), and a multitude of other symptom that reveal that I have been suffering from the disease of enabling and codependency.
I was taught to not exascerbate the problem. Feeling bad was enough...feeling worse was not required. I stay in the program, listen, learn, practice, keep coming back with an open mind, gratefully stay within reach of my HP and my sponsor, reach out for help always, plus keep myself open to all suggestions and the opportunity to freely give away what I have learned and been given freely is the promise of progress. Perfection is not a promise; therefore it is not an issue with me or a future opportunity to either quit the program or apply for sainthood.
The condition is temporary. The slogan, "This too will pass" tells me so and the slogans are "always right".
Thanks for the share. I like how it caused more prositive sharing from other members. Al-Anon is sooooo cool!
