The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I moved quite a bit of stuff last night and am absolutely exhausted. I have so many obstacles this weekend. In addition the people where the A are are agitating they want their money. I have to stand back and let him deal with it. Of course he has no money!!!!
I'm back to feeling overwhelmed. What's new is giving up on the A being any help at all. He has not been for months, why even think of him being anything that can add to my life.
Meresie..I haven't caught up on all the reading here but just wanted to offer hugs to you. You sound so tired and frustrated. It does exhaust us, doesn't it? I'm hoping you can keep the focus a lot on yourself.
Hey Mary, I've been following along and SO GLAD you got your pup with you now. My border collie just had 8 puppies two and a half weeks ago, so give me your address if you like puppy breath and . . . :D :D
I so relate with "giving up". I waited so long for my A to be what I thought he SHOULD be, or perhaps what he WAS before he relapsed on meth. I know it was me that just didn't want to face the fact that he was "gone" for now, and wasn't "there" anymore. When you are right there with them, it's not so easy to see the decline as it is for other observers. It takes what it takes to finally let go, in our own time, at our own pace.
I hope you can get some rest very soon, that glass of iced tea and a quiet evening with the dog in the yard . . .
You are doing great. Obstacles are just there for all of us, and we can turn them into stepping stones to get through :) Kim
ODAT comes in handy in these situations..... Take things one day at a time..... if that's too much, then: Take Things one hour at a time..... if that's too much, then: Take Things one minute at a time.... if that's too much, then: Take Things one second at a time..... heck, we can ALL handle one second!! :)
Take care Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Just sending you lots of (((((Hugs)))) and support. Sometimes it's easier to think of it as "letting go" of an idea, than it is to say "giving up."
Letting go is something we choose to do, giving up is more out of frustrations....which I know this is frustrating But if you look at it as your choice, then you get to keep some of the power -- that is something you control -- so try saying "I choose to let go of the idea that my A is going be helping me with this."
I don't know if this helps you any, but I'm really into empowering myself and this is one way I do it
Mary, when I am tired I always get sad and depressed. Mostly becuz I know there is so much to do before I can rest.
Geez Mary look at all that is on your plate!!! Moving is horribly stressful. I know you appreciate you will have your critters with you,and that you will be living a more "Mary" life, however it does take that footwork to get there.
geez Mary I am so amazed by your MIRACLE!! Look where you were when we met, look where you are NOW. Geez you worked the program and cont to. Your coming here for support and to vent shows what a great Al Anoner you are.
Mary when you first left messages all we heard was A this and A that. Most all of us do that!! BUT I saw you learn and listen and grope to get out of the pit. You also were very wise. You made sure every step was when you were ready.
Also it is hard to really get the concept that leaving the A in their own mess is better than helping them. I too did like you. Had to make sure I did everything I could think of to see if it helped before I let go of the rock. Then we will always know we did our very best. We see for ourselves,nope we cannot do anything.
Of course you are sad. It is temporary I will remind you. It is hard to lose that person we love. And it is even weirder when ya see that same body but now it is a stranger inside. Our loved one is gone and if you are like me, you will mourn him a long time. Plus here you are starting towards a new home again. I really know how much you need your animal family. It will be so good for you. Hope you get your other dog too.
Also mary that is a HUGE responsibility to take on the critters, and it is SO good for you. You are a giver and they need you. They will come around in about a week or two. You have so much love and caring to give them. Nothing feels better than family. fur feather whatever....(c:
A trick my gpa taught my mother and she me is, when you get super tired doing one thing, put it down and change jobs. Carry for awhile, sit and rest. Then pack some, then sit a bit. time will go by no matter what. I made myself sick moving out here to the bunkhouse.
Don't do that to your self... I invite you to not do that to yourself.
Please send your new address, please!
It is true we learn when things are tough, when we run into walls. You are giving your A a gift Mary. He now has to learn to figure it all out. Just like you have been.
It is as simple as if we catch a baby every time when it is learning to walk, it will never walk. same as riding a bike, flying a kite, riding a horse...
they have to find their own feet, their own strengths. they have to figure out when to let go when to pull in.
anyway, You and your fur kids are in my heart and prayers. So proud of you.
Yes, you are 100% correct...obstacles, obstacles everywhere...and guess what? You're overcoming them one by one. The one good thing about this exhaustion is that it's exhaustion from moving forward, not backward, and not staying in the same place. That kind of exhaustion hurts, because you can't make it go away. This you can, because you know you are tired from a job well done, for yourself and for your family (yes, the doggies!). Be proud of yourself - courage is being afraid but doing it anyway. You are very courageous - now get some sleep!!! Take care, Marion
-- Edited by mhgal at 18:15, 2007-08-17
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Vocatus atque non vocatus, Deus aderit ("Bidden or not bidden, God is present") - Erasmus
For every hill I've tried to climb, For every stone that bruised my feet, For all the blood and sweat and grime, For blinding storms and burning heat, My heart sings but a grateful song These are the things that made me strong!
For all the heartache and the tears, For all the anguish and the pain, For gloomy days and fruitless years, And for the hopes that lived in vain, I do give thanks, for now I know These were the things that helped me grow!
'Tis not the softer things in life Which stimulate man's will to strive; But bleak adversity and strife Do most to keep man's will alive. O'er rose-strewn paths the weaklings creep, But brave hearts dare to climb the steep
~author unknown
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I am new here and new in my own path to recovery, but still wanted to pass along some good thoughts. It takes great courage to do what you are doing. I know its exhausting, and certainly hope that you can take some time to simply be, if not get a nap in! At the very least, play with your puppy and remind yourself that you're making your life better by making choices!
Speaking of naps, you'll get to nap with your dogs! Nothing like sleeping with your pets. Some of the best naps I've taken are with my part time house goose Lila, but only when she wears a diaper :D .
I'm so glad for you Mary. Just had to chime in again :)
But if you look at it as your choice, then you get to keep some of the power -- that is something you control -- so try saying "I choose to let go of the idea that my A is going be helping me with this." 
