The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
First I had a message on my machine. I didn't get the job in Indy. The liason was willing to talk about it. She said, "We didn't feel it was a good fit." I didn't feel like a complete douche bag. I felt sad. But I reminded myself of something Dr Welker, chair of education dept, Witt U said to us: "At a certain point, it's on them. You've given it everything you've got. You've laid it all out there. You've put all your cards out on the table. No matter what happens at that point, if they don't accept you for who you are, and don't hire you for what you have, they're the crazy ones. Not you."
Then, I called Dad. Bill due. Dad goes nuts. You're paying, he said. As I'm trying to sift through the screaming, yelling and insanity, I finally get to the matter: There was a hefty financial refund the university issued you. You saved it. Use it. Keep me out of it. He calls me back, 1 minute later. Why did you call me, any way? Dad, the grand total of the bill is $500.00. You're no dead beat, or dead ass broke. You can pay the bill. You can do this. I know you. I know your game End of call.
Call mom. See above. Add blame. Add shame. Add defending Dad. Finally, I say, Mom, I've been on this phone for 15 or 20 minutes. I've had it. I called to ask you if you were gonna pay the bill. This refund was from the state, to me. If you don't want to pay, or you won't, say it. That's what I'm hearing. I've had it. I'm not some little girl. I'm not you're little girl. Add name calling. End of call.
I go to the bank tomorrow. Bill is $500. For once I will have fully paid my own way. Up until this point, I have used (my) money to start cobbling together--extremely slowly--my own place. I have a coffee maker now. There was a special. For $60., purchase a microwave, and get a coffee maker, and a george foreman free. It is a small george foreman. No grilling parties--except for parties of 1.
My mom wants me to send out announcements about my graduation. I'm still at the point of inviting my parents to the ceremony because it's the decent thing to do.
Thats a lot on your plate. I can empathise with starting over. Tiny tiny things. I long for my coffee maker to be set up. I long for a place with my pets. I long for the yard I will have. I long to have a home I can call my own. I will live in a tiny tiny space in order to have my pets. That's worth it for me. Home begins with me.
I never had one with the A that's for sure.
I can also understand the financial misfit, match, arguments. I've argued with the A about money for all infinity. He has only his way that's it. Only his needs count. I am tired of that. I am bone bone bone tired of it.
I can no longer live with that. I know it. I will go to great lenghts not to live like that again.
"In the final analysis, it is between you and (your) God; it has never been between you and other people." ~M.Theresa
I am glad that you can find kindness and decency, in light of the anguish that they've admninistered. Money comes and goes, bills are paid, some take time; regardless, expecting irrational people to act rationally is a bit irrational.
With love, always, cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
My 2 cents worth, take it or leave it....just my little ol' opinion here:
You ARE a grown up now, like it or not. You are EXTREMELY fortunate to have been able to attend college, whether it was at your own expense, your parents', grants, inheritance, whatever. You are incredibly lucky to have that. Many do not have that opportunity. Me for one. I got myself pregnant in the 12th grade and got married. I was able to graduate from high school w/my classmates (almost honor roll too) but a college degree was out of the question. Whether or not it was even in my cards before I got pregnant is still up for debate. My parents couldn't afford to pay for it (I am the 3rd child of 4). We had always been told to save 1/2 of our paychecks from our part time jobs (yes, that is plural - I worked 2 jobs as soon as I turned 16) to put towards tuition. I was finally able to get a student loan to pay for a 9 month administrative program when my son was 1. And it took me 11 years to pay that loan off. But with that certificate I was able to get a job (high stress, low pay), which lead to the current one I have now (decent pay, little stress).
Now about the job that you didn't get......look at it positively. If they didn't think it was the right fit, it probably wasn't. And if they had given you that job anyways, you would have ended up going to work every day, dreading it and wishing you had another job but now can't find time for interviews b/c you are always at work. And that also means that maybe you passed up the "Right Job" simply b/c you settled for an ok job just to get started on making money. Trust me on this one, job hunting sucks. Interviews can be brutal....but PATIENCE is such a huge key to finding that right job. It is out there and you will find it and be happy with it. I wish you the best of luck on that.
As far as your parents go, well all I can say is they are parents. My parents drive me freakin' crazy sometimes. I don't understand why they do or say the things they say. I am 33 years old and have been self sufficient since I was 19 years old and they still think they can tell me how to live my life, how to spend my money, how to raise me kids. It really is funny if you can muster up the energy to look for the humor in it all. I believe my parents have the best of intentions most of the time but it can come across as being selfish or self centered or just plain bizarre. Heck, my sister (36 years old) just had to sit through 2 different one hour lectures on 2 separate days from our parents b/c they didn't think she was pulling her weight on the farm (they board a horse for her). I had to laugh at that even though she was infuriated b/c they treated her like she was 12 years old. Ooopsss, I have gotten side tracked here....sorry. I guess I just want to say that you have to take your parents for what they are b/c they are your parents. You can't trade them in but you can choose to ignore them and end phone conversations/visits. And you know why you can do this? BECAUSE YOU ARE A GROWN UP NOW AND IT IS YOUR RIGHT TO BE ABLE TO WALK AWAY WHEN YOU HAVE HAD ENOUGH.
Now for that apartment of yours: Congrats. Make it your own personal safe haven from the world and all the annoying people in it. When you are in your own place, no matter how big or small, you can do whatever you want, wear whatever you want, say whatever you want, act any way you want, be a slob or a neat freak, whatever you want b/c IT IS YOUR SPACE and no one can bother you there unless you allow it. Take pride in it no matter how long it takes to accummulate all the junk that eventually will fill it up with. With each new purchase, big or small, you are getting something to help make your haven special for you. Have fun and have patience.
So there it is, my 2 cents worth or whatever it is worth. Take what you like and leave the rest. Just remember that you are a remarkable lady and look at all that you have manage to accomplish already. WOW! Aint it great? :)
Thanks for the encouragement and e/s/h y'all. The bill, in toto, turned out to be less than $300. Something I can definately handle. I also went to a f2f last night and talked with a long timer--her daughter and long term partner just had their first child, and understandably are very nervous about their financial future. She reassured me that she did not envy their position, and remembered clearly the position she and her husband were in as newly weds, just starting out. She also pointed out that by doing it in bits and pieces--like the job searching y'all have encouraged me to do, ODAAT,--makes the sticker shock alot less. However, she concurred with some of you, there's no easy way to "be independent." Ty y'all.
Something I can definately handle. I also went to a f2f last night and talked with a long timer--her daughter and long term partner just had their first child, and understandably are very nervous about their financial future. She reassured me that she did not envy their position, and remembered clearly the position she and her husband were in as newly weds, just starting out. She also pointed out that by doing it in bits and pieces--like the job searching y'all have encouraged me to do, ODAAT,--makes the sticker shock alot less. However, she concurred with some of you, there's no easy way to "be independent."