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Good question. I am still startled by something I just learned at my alanon mtg today. I can recognize incoherant and black out for my AH in the middle of the night. But I was told that there are many black outs during the day, we might not even be aware of........which would explain alot of forgetting or maybe why they seem deluded??
No answers but just adding to your question as I want to know if this is all part of the insanity we live in.
ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
This is just my opinion but yes it has to be someone elses fault if not they would have to take responsibility for thier own behavior. Just remember that your not that powerful to make anyone drink , or stop. Ever notice that when an alcoholic is ready to drink they pick a fight , over anything so stupid it boggles the mind , unfortuantley i used to bite all the time then they have someone to blame . In our literature it says to not assague his guilt by arguing with him . made sence to me . A friend of mine told her husb one nite that you and I both know that I am not the reason u drink and she walked away . He never blamed her again . he knew it was usless she simply wasn't buying it anymore .
Some actually do until the blaming doesn't work anymore and then they blame to keep others away from them and they can turn inside and hide. Ever try facing the truth about yourself regarding something you were doing that caused others pain and discomfort? Did you automatically step up and own what you were doing and take responsibility for your choices and behaviors? I didn't until I got into Al-Anon and started working the program as suggested. Owning my part in the whole mess was very very difficult until I learned the freedom of doing so. Alcoholics are not blind, deaf and insensitive for real. They know eventually and then they go get help or get worse. It's a progressive disease.
It's easier for them to believe when they are drunk - hey, another reason to drink! I think in some of those hung over mornings they face the reality of what they are doing, to themselves and to those they love. Who wants to face that, though? You walk in the door and give them tea when they wanted coffee, or coffee when they wanted tea, and they can turn thankfully to the realization that it's all YOUR fault. If only you understood them better.....
I'm going with genuinely deluded. If I think he's doing this intentionally, I would not try so hard to be understanding and sympathetic. That doesn't mean I condone or excuse - I just keep trying to remember that he's sick, and the symptoms are his behaviors. That also doesn't mean I'm Little Mary Sunshine, but to his face, I work very hard to remain in control of my emotions. On the inside, I am using a whole bunch of words I never learned in Catholic school. I find that if I can just not let my mind or my heart buy into what he's saying or doing, a little bit of time and distance work wonders in taking the initial sting out of the encounter. I think he really does mean what he is saying, at least for that moment in time. Five minutes later, he'll act as though he never said it at all. Cunning disease!
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Vocatus atque non vocatus, Deus aderit ("Bidden or not bidden, God is present") - Erasmus
Oh I hated that!! My favorite was the catching them drinking and then they would lie right in your face while they blow alcohol ON you! Or.....finding about 20 hidden vodka bottles and them saying "those aren't mine"...then who's are they? Our 7 yr olds? Or he would say "oh those are old". That crap is what started me not loving my husband anymore. Who do you think you are lying to me and making me doubt my sanity????? Why not just tell the truth? I would have been less mad. I better stop before I get going... hahahaha Back to the question, I know they are VERY aware of it.
Only thing I can add is that the word "denial" itself implies something is "known" but denied :) .
And so true, it's good for us to remember how hard it is for US to accept responsibility for our own shortcomings. A lot the reasons we continue to 'do the things we do' is deeply buried, and we "don't know" consciously, but still are very resistant to changing because we don't WANT to.
I think the drinking and using fuzzes the brain more, and makes it's contribution, but it's the same process we all share whether an active A or not.
