The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It is my best friend's daughter who died, it was my mom who was the adult in charge, and it was my 2 little ones in the water with her. I am taking it all very hard today. The investagation continues which is horrifing in itself. A social worker came and talked to me and the kids. The first time I actually listened to my 8 year old's story. My 4 year old can't verbalize any of it really. I think she just doesn't know the words to put to this kind of thing. She understands "died" because granpa "died" and went to heaven to be with God. She knows her friend is never comming back and she sobs at night with no words. My 8 year old is still being very factual about it all and I don't know what to say to her. We are in grief councling.
Because of the investagation they said my mom is not to have any unsupervised contact with the kids. This is a nightmare. Whenever my A abandonded the kids and me my mom always stepped up and took up the slack. It is just beginning to hit me that I am now completly on my own with these kids. I have my best friend but she has a baby and husband and she is incredible but she has her own life. So, there is no one to just drop the kids to,especially my little one. My older ones have friends and places to go but my little one has just me now. And they've lost their grandma. I mean, my mom is so bad off with all this. She is focused on her A as usual and the kids are taking a backseat. And my ex made a brief appearence here, talked to the kids, took them for ice cream and called for 2 days in a row then yesterday, nothing. He hates me so very much. Which confuses me and maybe it shouldn't but in the light of this situation it seems that all else could be put aside. After all, hasn't this served to make us all realize how precious life is and friendship and children? He actually thought I was making this all up as a way to get him over here to my house. He called my best friend to see if I was lying. Who would lie about something as awful as the death of a child? We were friends, he and I,and that's all we were for the last few months of our relationship. I guess it really doesn't matter as it is what it is. Still hurts, just not as bad as it did as it (he) is in perspective now.
Still unsure of what to do with the anger at the unfairness of this situation. In an instant I lost my best friend's daughter, my mother and my children's innocence about death. I want to place blame also. I want to be mad. But I know that it will not change any of it and that the pain will still be there underneath it and I will still have to deal with the fallout of this. I will still have to grieve the lost of an incredible little child. And our lives will never be the same.
What a nightmare. I couldn't imagine. So many could of's, should of's, would of's. Things are as they are now. Nothing else can be done. There is no sense in punishing anyone over and over and over again. It's not going to change anything. It's time to work on the healing. The only thing I can tell you is that you can raise your children all by yourself. I am living proof. Sometimes it's not easy but you get through it. Thank God you still have your children because as you see they can be gone in the blink of an eye. God Bless that sweet little girl who passed away. I am so sorry for that loss :( I just could not imagine. ^i^
My prayers are reaching out to you, your friend, and your children for healing. HP will be close to you all and hopefully bind you all tighter as a family. Out of tradgedy there is the other side of it; which you guys are still moving through. So glad you all are doing grief counseling it can be so beneficial to you and the kids. This will all get worked out some way. The investigation will eventually be over and the social worker might at least give you guys some good resources and a plan on how to make things better. Hopefully you have a good social worker that will give you some community resources in place of what you are losing to help you out.
Wishing you some peace today, Twinmom~
__________________
"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Dear serendipity - I am so very sorry that you and your family and friends are going through such a horrible nightmare. I think of you every day and keep you in my prayers. I can't even imagine the hell you all must be going through. Keep your focus on you and your kids and healing. I am glad that you are taking them to see a grief counselor. That is so important for them right now. Peace to you all.
I am so sorry, and you all have been in my prayers, I wish I could offer more... You are all in my thoughts today.
With faith you have inside of you the strength you need... and all the support we can offer. As TM said... the investigation is temporary, it will pass. Hang in there, you are a wonderful person and Mom and you can make it to the other side of this.
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I come from an incredibly enmeshed family. Its taken years and years and years to beome unemeshed. for me a geographic was also in there. Grief was a huge part of the unemeshement for me. There are less times now when I long for that family. I can understand the sense of betrayal an A. they simply can't cope with anything. I see that now a lot with theA's mother and with himself. they ahve to suffuse themselves in denial. I know that is not a solace but I comfort myself with knowing they are "ill" and incapable. Theri response has nothign to do wtih my worth. You deserve everything right now so please take this room and post often. I find enormous relief in doing that. I find enormous help and great solace and comfort in this room.
