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Hi all, First time I've started a topic, so here goes:
The A exbf (now friend), who lived with me until a month ago, moved back to the house we used to live in together, about 3 minutes down the road from me. Problem is, between the alcoholism and the as-yet undiagnosed mental illness (feel strongly that he's bi-polar), he is, in essence, terrorizing the neighborhood.
The neighbors have called the police, because he's wandering around in the middle of the night shining a flashlight in people's windows. A mutual friend who lives down the street from him lost her fiancee last week. He is going to her house regularly, taking flowers and videotapes and telling her that Dave (her deceased fiancee) told him to bring her these things. I've been receiving calls from her and from other neighbors filling me in on his bizarre behavior and asking me what to do. Don't they understand that if I had any idea about what to do I would have done it?
The president of the civic association called me about an hour ago to tell me that he called the fire department (he's also called the police on several occasions, for a variety of things) to tell them that there was a chlorine leak in the water substation at the neighborhood park, causing the fire department to show up, along with the county, the water company, and the police - couldn't find anything wrong. She asked me if I thought that sitting down and talking with him rationally would help, because they need to resolve this situation. DO I THINK TALKING WITH HIM WOULD HELP!?! Yeah, great idea. Why didn't I think of that...talk to an alcoholic manic-depressive and tell him to stop. Wow, what a freakin' medical breakthrough!
I don't know how else to tell these people that I am as impotent as they are. I mean, if people are calling the police on him for trespassing, peeping, whatever, why haven't the police gone to talk to him about it? Is there anything I can say to make them understand that I am not nor can I be responsible for what he does?
Thanks! Marion
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Vocatus atque non vocatus, Deus aderit ("Bidden or not bidden, God is present") - Erasmus
First, I'm sure you told them as clearly as you could that you've let him go because of these behaviors. Whether they understand or accept this or not, well, you can't control THAT. But maybe they'll stop coming to you as the resident expert on your bipolar A.
It seems "natural" that they would be calling you. They don't know him, and since you do, maybe you have a bag of tricks. They can hope anyway. Unfortunately, he is becoming a problem for a lot of people and eventually he will cross the line and get hospitalized or tossed in jail. Then perhaps he can get the treatment he needs.
In a different but similar way :D my neighbor recently asked me why I didn't "do something" about my A a long time ago. That's what people think from the outside looking in. It's irritating to educate them one at a time as they call, but eventually the A will get picked up for one thing or another.
I know I've spent too much time feeling humiliation for my own A's acts. I hope you are able to put this in perspective for yourself :).
"DO I THINK TALKING WITH HIM WOULD HELP!?! Yeah, great idea. Why didn't I think of that...talk to an alcoholic manic-depressive and tell him to stop. Wow, what a freakin' medical breakthrough!"
"...why haven't the police gone to talk to him about it? Is there anything I can say to make them understand that I am not nor can I be responsible for what he does?"
Marion, you will excuse me please if I did get a bit of a chuckle from what I have quoted from your post. Sorry. Seriously though, I know it is a bad situation, and I suggest you tell anyone who asks exactly what you have told us above. Of course you are not responsible for him. Tell 'em so in no uncertain terms. I know you can do it. "Piss off!" usually gets the message across!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
With caring and concern,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Well, with a drama update, the civic association chick just called to tell me that the woman he's been bothering is swearing out a warrant on charges of harrassment and is getting a restraining order on him. He will also be charged with filing a false report regarding the chlorine smell. He's not at home, so they asked me where he might be. Told them I have no idea. Hopefully his travels will not lead him here. I'm suspecting that when they do pick him up, he will have been drinking, so maybe a DUI charge as well. I'll be expecting a phone call. Maybe this is the wake-up call people need to realize that he needs help. I hope this will be the beginning of some treatment for him. This is breaking my heart to watch. It's like someone else has taken control of him and the man I know isn't there anymore.
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Vocatus atque non vocatus, Deus aderit ("Bidden or not bidden, God is present") - Erasmus
Wow. How sad. Is it possible that from his addiction that he has "mush brain"? My friend started to act out in odd behavior for about a year before she passed away. Her brain was shutting down. IT was so saturated with alcohol. I can't believe they are trying to get you involved. My gosh, there is a reason WHY you are not with him. I wish you peace. :)
The A I was invovled with had major mental health issues as well as his own health issues as well as his alcoholism. I do understand the position. Three/four months ago I left the A he's been on the periphery since. Now he looks likely to go to jail. I feel relief at that. I will no longer thing everytime I hear of a carcrash is it him?
I'm trying hard to separate myself from his messes. I think its pretty hard. I feel like its like looking at a train wreck personally.
Keep positng and keep getting as much support as you can.
I really hope he gets the help he needs. Hopefully they will realize that how bad off he is and send him to a long term treatment facility for both his mental illness and aism. As for what to tell the neighbors, tell them just like you told us. Like Diva, I had to chuckle. Sometimes that slightly sarcastic, humorous approach is the best.
Love and blessings to you.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
