The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
(i'm sorry i haven't replied to advice in my last thread but i am very thankful for it!) my boyfriend (clean & sober 21 years) just went into the ER on Tuesday with severe chest pain and trouble breathing, a CAT scan showed he has a blood clot in his lung. he's been in the ICU since then, they're trying to get his oxygen levels up and using heparin and coumadin to thin his blood and keep further clots from forming. last night the nurse said specifically his blood test results of "thickened blood" are normal for someone who's smoked all his life. he's 41, been smoking since age 13 or 14.
he said he has NO trouble wanting to quit! said it's been the worst pain imaginable and no way can he ever go through it again. he asked me to throw out the cigarettes before he comes home, of course i'm doing that. BUT! i asked him, how does a recovered alcoholic/addict quit smoking? and what does he need from me? he said "smack me in the head when i want to smoke" and we laughed. but i know, seriously, he has to do this himself. i also know he is a BIG mean bear when he's without cigs. being in the hospital for 6 or 7 days, he should be past his "jitters" he said.
what can i do, more important i guess is, what can't i do? without getting all codependently entangled with him?
__________________
To know the darkness is to love the light, to welcome dawn and fear the coming night.
Having spent the summer in the hospital with my mom I sympathize with what you two are going through. Scarey when it comes to our health. I am a reformed smoker - quit over 25 years ago. Nasty habit that you can undo. I took a class. Needed help and support. You really can't do much except tell him go for it. An addiction is an addiction. Smoking however is very physically and emotionally addictive. This is not your responsibility. Stay clear. He has to do the work. AND he can quit!
I'm also a former smoker, and, actually, I didn't find it all that hard to quit. I felt lousy, as if I had the flu, for about a week, and then it was mostly a question of forming new habits.
There is a lot of help out there, from support groups to nicotine gum - he's a big boy, he knows how to find it. The only thing that would be your job here, as I see it, is, if you smoke yourself, no longer do it in front of him - in fact, good opportunity to quit yourself!
Ooooh Sadako, this sounds scary!! No question he must quit, but how to do it?
Years ago, I had this filthy habit. Smoked nearly two packs a day. I was young and very stupid, you see. One day I watched a documentary on tv about all the reasons to quit, and one was that the chronic bronchitis, which I had, would kill you. That was enough for me. I lay the package of cigs down on a table in the living room, and resolved to quit. Having that pack of cigs there to look at kept me from panicing about have none close by. For the first four days, it was as if I had lost my best friend. I think it takes about that amount of time to break the nicotine addiction. The rest is psychological. I was quite a mess for about a month, as I recall. I really wanted one, and the package on the table was still here giving me comfort knowing I was not "alone." LOL!! Let's see...*counting on fingers and toes*...that was in 1984. Never again have I had a desire to smoke. I am one of these rabid reformed smokers who abhors the very idea.
Why tell you this? Well, for one reason I am still proud that I did it, and for another, one can do it "cold turkey". All the gum, patches, hypnotism, etc in the world are crutches, some of which only serve to retain the nicotine in our systems. Not a good idea. JMHO.
I hope he will be successful in quiting. It is a whole new life of smells and tastes, and the biggest step in the direction of good health a person can take. OK so it is his choice, none of your business, and you cannot make him do it. Yada, yada, yada. But you can sure as heck give him moral support, and he will appreciate your concern.
Diva
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
