The material presented
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Today was a good day with my A. We are expecting my son, his wife and our grandbaby tonight and he helped me get things ready. It was a pleasent day with my A helping me but I noticed I can't do anything right. Surprize,, You name it, potatoes, sauce, houseclean. I didn't say to much as he was helping me and he was drinking a little. Later that night he was going to visit his friend and asked me if I wanted to go. I said no because I need to go shopping for towels and stuff. He didn't come home until 2:30 am, drunk. I asked him where was he and he said Dwane's.... NOT> I know better than to argue with a drunk. I think he was gambling. I think all along I have thought of divorce and tonight has pushed me to the edge. I will wait for my son to leave this weekend and tell him. I am scared. I can't take it anymore, I am going to tell him we are going to sell the house and split our assets and go our merry way. If he wants to drink and gamble his hard earned money away, so be it but I don't want to be around for it. Any suggestions? HELP
Active addiction is never an easy thing to live with... and we all have to decide when enough is enough.
More than that .... enough of what. My wife and I seperated almost a year ago. I knew I could not live in the same house with that chaos effecting myself and our son. Now a year later... I am also hitting another enough is enough moment.
If you are confident that the decission is what you need to be healthy and safe, you will find the courage to see that through.
A well thought out decission is like a shield from accusations, and hatred and guilt. Has been for me anyway. When I am on the fence.... I fall off at the first wave of resistance.
Just wanted to share that, and that you are in my thoughts and prayers this day.
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Rtexas sure hit it right on. It's been exactly two months that my A has been gone from the home. It is so hard to live with an active drinker or user. Yet when I'd had ENOUGH, the decision was "easy", so to speak. I had all the resolve I needed.
Please enjoy your kids and grandbaby to the hilt this weekend! From previous posts you speak of a close relationship with God. Mine has gone from zero to sixy five through this ordeal.
Hi weggie , one of the statements I hated the most was to my question of How will I know when it's time ?? didn't matter what the decission was I wanted some sign of when was the right time . My sponsors reply was always the same . YOU will know !!!! sheeeeeeesh drove me crazy. I have experienced many YOU 'l know moments since , its tht calm that comes over you when a decission is right for YOU . period. I have learned to listen to my body when making decissions now , if I make the decission and I am calm it is what right for me . If I have made the decission but am still lettting it roll around in m y head a few days later , trying to mke it work out the way I want it too . i'ts my will . I am trying to force a solution and that never works . Idle threats don't work either , ultimatums just as usless . So consider if you can l ive with the outcome before speaking with your husb. I hope u are attending al anon meetings for yourself , you need support . good luck Louise YOU WILL KNOW WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT TO LEAVE OR IT'S OKAY TO STAY.
All I know from experience is getting away from them helps restore your sanity, I do know that however........something about being married feels like they are bonded to us. I for one am getting the divorce for my own piece of mind. I've been over the edge so many times and I always let it continue. I am getting off of my butt and just going to do it, just as simple as that. God give us the serenity. I'm there for ya girl whatever you choose to do. I can completly understand! ((BIG HUGS)) When the pathetic times out weigh the good....it's time to go.
Lots of good esh here. For me, my AHsober left but hasn't filed. I aske myself how long can I wait around for him to bomb me. When and how will I know? I just keep putting my ear to the ground to listen to the only one that matters and that is my HP. For right now, I choose to stay somedays and chose to leave somedays and this is only in my mind.
The program taught me that peace of mind and spirit and soul came best by not reacting. I learned that and my bestest(?) slogan is "Don't React!!" I learned to slow down and not make decisions when I was angry because the anger consumed me and I never ever make good decisions when anger consumes me. My sponsor then taught me (his name was Don T), went there was even a smidgin of doubt...don't make a hasty decision and my next best slogan became, "When in doubt...Don't!! I don't like feeling anger. I know that when I get angry, the thing or person I am angry at owns me mind, body, spirit and emotions and that is never appealing to this self centered self. Then I learned that the opposite of anger is acceptance and that feels tons better and I calm down and get into the now and then grab my Higher Powers hand and mosey on.
Anger for me is like a nuclear "Weggie". Every thing down low gets yanked up under my chin and it hurts like mad. Then I get to go crazy and that is worse. And then I get to make really irrational, reactive decisions...even worser!!
Letting go and letting God is another slogan that really helps if I work it.
