The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
last night the A had to have the truck towed because it finally came to a halt. He may or may not be able to get it repaired. It seems like it will be out of action for a long long time. Of course then he demanded that I come forth with a credit card to get him a rental card. I refused. I do not have any more credit. Moreover I'm done helping him drive. He's been a reckless driver for the past 7 years. Nothing but nothing has stopped him from that. All day yesterday he was dealing with filing forms about his speeding tickets and his impending court case. I do not need that burden anymore. I am not going to pick up that stone that will drag me down to drowning. He can find his own way around the getting a rental car.
This may mean that I have to hire and pay someone to help me move next week. I'll deal with that if it happens. That would be cheap in comparison to living with theA. I have to sit tight now and bide my time to get my few belongings out of where the A is staying and the dogs. I can't rush it. I know it will all unfold as and when it is supposed to happen.
I am startting to work on the next thing for me. I want to have year end goals and start to be out of chaos and crisis and into productiveness and to get more ftf support in meetings. I think I can do that as and when I'm moved and have my dogs and have a routine down. I do firmly believe once the A gets the drift I am not going to bankroll him anymore he'll go off and find someone else to have chaos with. I never thought I would be at that point where I saw him going off with someone else as a positive for me but it is really. I know he loves the dogs and will want to see them and I have nothing against that but I'm not going to be in chaos night an day 24/7 anymore.
(((((dogs and Mary with ice tea in the back yard)))))))
You are inspiring to me. Year end goals? Wow. What a great idea. I need to do that myself.
Keep up your stiff upper lip with the demands and drama that is sure to come. My A was able to break me down just by his sheer persistence. Actually, it was ME who chose to give in just to shut him up . . . but when I hit my bottom with the situation and stopped backing down, my A just got more persistent and eventually spiralled out of control. Not because of anything I did, it was just inevitable. I hope for your A's sake he has a remnant of sanity in him so he can save himself. He's the only one who truly can.
I am right there with you in the whole thinking that my AH finding another woman to be with would be a positive thing for me. I find I think that all of the time. I am so tired of him trying to keep me involved with him. It is exhausting. The attempt at flirting w/me, the sexual comments....all of it can go towards someone else. Of course I wouldn't wish him on anyone else .... unless of course he has already been with that person and they are involved in the same sick drug scene he is involved in. Then I would say they deserved each other. But of course I am getting way ahead of myself here. LOL. Guess I am just wishing my pain in the butt problem off on someone else.
As I posted earlier your resolve sounds so healthy and focused on you. It is amazing how quickly the A plumets when we "take our hands" off of them and their business. It took my AH 3 weeks to hit and crash at rock bottom. Once I started doing the next right thing for me and really enjoying my life right were I was the A started spinning out of control and hit the wall. Its the best thing that could have ever happened to him. Yes there has been pain and heart ache for all of us, and we are still putting the pieces back together, but the puzzle has changed, so the pieces no longer fit where they used to, if that makes sense. It is so refreshing to hear you put yourself and your serenity first. Keep it up girl, don't falter, your HP and Alanon are your strength. You are a strong one Maresie and those goals will come into fruition. Keep looking up.
Peace to you and those doggies, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Didn't you say you were not talking with him anymore?? Speaking with him on a daily basis is keeping him hanging on....you might be sending him mixed signals and that's probably why he's asking you for help. You are always available to him it sounds like. You may not be there financially (besides the place you paid for him) but you are there emotionally. It just sounds confusing. I wish you strength. ^i^
Well I have yet to get my belongings and my dogs so of course I have to be in contact with him. I can't do this on anyone's elses timetable. I have to do it on my resources. If I had resources I would not be in this position in the first place. But then when I did have resources, whatever they were they were never never never enough for him.
