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My best friend's 4 year old daughter died last night. She was with my daughters and my mom swimming at a camp. She drown. She was the most incredible little girl and I don't understand. My girls don't understand. This is sensless and there can be no point or lesson in this. I don't know if my mother will ever recover from this. And I really can't believe that My best friend will ever survive this. I honestly do not know what to do or say or how to deal and cope and help my kids deal. My 4 year old found her and my 8 year old feel sit's her fault. I can't imagine the hate and anger her family must have towards me and my family and how she must be blaming herself as I am blaming myself. This is a nightmare and any ESH, prayers and love will be greatly apperciated and needed.
We always want an answer why, sometimes there just isn't any. My heart breaks for you and your friend. I am and have been praying for you -- you know you can call any time, day or night.
Oh jeez, Serendipity . . . I am so sorry this happened to all of you. This is the worst thing that could have happened . . . don't assume the family will angrily hold this against you, this is your best friend. If you are able to be with her, just hold her and cry with her, I've heard grieving parents say this helps more than any words or deeds. Your poor mother . . . if you can, just hold her too. And your girls. This stuff just happens, and all we can do is cry with each other until time eases the pain a little.
Let it have you hugging those girls of yours, telling them you love them over and over, telling them they saw a terrible thing, and it's OK to feel sad.
I hope you'll come here and tell us how YOU are doing regarding this . . . this is NOTHING to hold inside and go through "alone". You, your girls, mom and your friend's family are in my thoughts and prayers as well.
We so want someone to blame. The truth is, it was an accident. When these tragedies happen it is so hard to just simply say it was an accident and leave it at that. We want more, we want something or someone to blame, we want a reason and there just isn't any good answers.
Everyone will get through this in their own way. I empathize with the Mother. I have been there myself. The pain is so extreme you think you will just die, but you don't. You live through it somehow. You learn to live with it, little by little.
I'm sure your friend doesn't hate you, for what? Be there for her the best you can and just let her talk, cry whatever. Just listen. The thing I found most unsettling is that people didn't want to hear me talk about my daughter, they felt uncomfortable, but I so needed to hold on to her memory. The worst thing to do is to avoid discussion with her, and anyone involved.
I was lucky enough to have a wonderful sister-in-law that took me to the gravesite time and time again and held me while I was on the ground sobbing. She helped me get through my first Christmas by decorating the grave. We even had battery operated Christmas lights :) She would come with donuts and coffee just to sit with me and allow me to talk and cry. After a few weeks she convinced me to get myself together and go to lunch, eventually even a aerobics class. She ever so slowly helped me get my life back and I will be forever grateful to her. It' will be OK again sweetie. It will be different, but OK.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
What we go thru with our A's doesn't even compare to loosing a child. Prayers go out to you, and you must understand it will be right in time. Just be there for your friend. Hugs and prayers for you. Weggie
Serendipity, I am so sorry. That is a heavy thing. I hope these many responses will help you through.
I once witnessed a small child's drowning as well. He was with his grandparents at the time, and his mother blamed them, of course. We need to blame someone at first. I hope with time love and understanding will prevail. The memory will stay, but the pain should lessen with time. Bless your daughters. They really do need help with this I'm sure.
Oh dear Lady I feel so much empathy for you all. you deal one day at a time. Maybe one hour at a time at first. It is no ones fault, no one did anything on purpose.
No matter what happens, we have to have faith, it will be ok. Maybe just ok. Losing a child has to be the worst. I hope your mother and you will not blame yourselves.
Your friend will go thru all kinds of horrible ups and downs. Give her time. Let her know you are there for her, do for her what you would need yourself.
She may back off, she may hang on tight.Maybe both. Take things as they come.
OH I wish I could make it better.
Your babies just had a horrible hard lesson.Sadly lost their innocense very young. Mine lost theres at four and five when their daddy died.
Let them talk,make sure they know to tell ya things even if they feel it does not make sense. When my kids lost daddy, they were afraid if I died too, no one could find them...
death is very hard for all of us. But the Bible talks of a resurrection,so please have hope. As far as why, if you believe the Bible nothing bad comes from the creator. Read Job.
Maybe that will help you to have faith.
You might want to do something with your kids special for the lost one. Like gather flowers and write something to her or about her, whatever, take them to the water,river or whatever and throw them in for her. And visit your place whenever you need to.
I put eds ashes in a nice creek. the kids and I sang to him.
I have been thinking about you all morning, and I feel so deeply sad about this situation. I can't even imagine losing a child, and I can't imagine being the one to lose someone else's child on my watch either. Both are unimaginable. I will be saying prayers for you and your mom, your friend and your kids. I'll also be holding my kids extra tight for a while and giving them extra love! I'm so very very sorry!
You are right Seren...there is no point or lesson in this kind of senseless tragedy. No one can convince me otherwise. I will keep all concerned in my thoughts and prayers. I am so very sorry.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
This brings much sadness to my heart as I have 2 young granddaughters and often think about something happening to them while with me. Everyone is right. It was an accident and none of us know what we will have to endure in this lifetime. Please take care of your mother, children and your best friend. It is no one's fault.
OMG - I AM SO SORRY!!! I JUST DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY BUT THAT I AM SO SORRY FOR Y'ALL'S TRAGIC LOSS. YOU ARE IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS DAILY - ALL OF YOU.
Am so sorry to hear this. Will be keeping all concerned in my thoughts and prayers. If possible I would see if you could get your little ones into some form of therapy. There are brief therapies for people who have witnessed tragedies.
Take care of yourself my friend
lilms
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Two things: 1. Recovery is a process, not an event.....and.... 2. You only get to go around once. Leave em laughing and make it worth your while
(((((((((((serendipity))))))))))))))) so sorry to hear of this tradgedy which is of course no ones fault. under such circumstances we do look for ppl to blame, usually ourself or those closes to us. you are best friends no doubt you have laughed and cried together over the years thats what best friends are for. how sad for your little girls and your mum too. NO one is to blame im sure your friend knows that....... and if ever you two needed a friend its now. im praying for you all
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