The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The A ran into my son and his friend in town, and asked them to come cut wood with him to make a little cash. These 20 yr old boys were thrilled, as the A told them he could make $500 in a single day. They waited for him at his place until they got bored and drifted over to a new friend's home. In the meantime, the A got the car keys from them to "check" something (the car is in the A's name), and now refuses to return the car. It was a set up, easy to do to a couple of 20 yr olds.
This little car was my son and friend's transportation. The A bought it this last winter, and has verbally given my son permission to drive it when he came up, by his own word to the kid. At least I can say I didn't get involved in that one.
This is the same car the A tried to hijack from me a month ago while I was gassing it up in town. He's managed to get his own truck out of impound, so he has the farm truck, his own truck, and his motorcycle, and now has "reclaimed" the car he promised my son he could use when he first got up here.
So my kid walks in the door at midnight last night, having walked 4 1/2 miles from town. It sounds like the boy had a nice time letting the A have it verbally at least :D . He told the A "you're NOTHING" and walked away, after it became clear the car wasn't coming back.
Surprisingly my Mother Bear didn't really come out with claws and teeth (well, it was after midnight and I was pooped!). I'm upset but not surprised. The A wouldn't have done something like this a year ago, so my son was caught off guard.
Since this car is in the A's name, there's nothing I can do. I do plan on calling the "boss" sheriff up here to notify him of this. It's just info at this point.
What this does is screw the boys over, in terms of getting jobs or getting around. We have MY car, which they can use. But still.
I just had to get this out. My mind, though fairly calm on this, is still trying to "solve the problem" and go back over and over what I SHOULD have done, I shouild have warned the boys to stay away from him, yada yada.
What a royal jerk he is. No big shock.
My "real" concern now is this success on the A's part will likely fuel his fire to try and find ways to get the rest of the power tools, etc, that he feels entitled to. Just like this little car, all was purchased with the farm money, which was provided by me. I think I'll call my lawyer too, and see what he has to say. If anything, we can push this lawsuit forward to get to the settlement faster, to get him the hell out of my hair and life period.
Luckily, none of the local sheriffs will cooperate with the A in making an appointment to come get the rest of his stuff. Well, that's what he gets for manipulating them. Once burned, twice shy.
By writing this, I'm turning it over to HP. Thanks again for listening :)
Sounds like he's just a busy little firebug, burning bridges all over the place - the sheriffs, your son, the list is probably a lot longer. I do feel for your son (and his friend) for the loss of his car, but more for the way he was treated. Used a manipulated by a grown man - how petty! It would have been different if he didn't have his own transportation already, but these are the actions of a little kid saying "Nyah, nyah, you can't touch me!"
And you'll also notice that he didn't try to come after you for the car - no, I think he is definitely learning to steer clear of you. He went after someone who is less prepared to defend himself. Not that your son can't take up for himself, but to have someone he once trusted (if he ever did trust your ex) behave toward him in such a childish way - that is just twisted! I hope the little POS car was worth the loss of his reputation, cuz I'm from a pretty small town, too, and word is bound to get around about what he did.
And about your concern that he will try to come and take the other items from your farm, well, if he does, he does - but honestly, I don't think he would have enough cojones to face down an adult, especially one who has already let him know that she's not going to cave in to his bullying!
Take care, Marion
-- Edited by mhgal at 13:21, 2007-08-02
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Vocatus atque non vocatus, Deus aderit ("Bidden or not bidden, God is present") - Erasmus
I was reading that handy dandy divorce site and it advised to spend the other party's money (ie get rid of their stuff, sell it off, etc) first then the joint stuff and then yours. Is there an injunction? I'd have a huge tool sale and use the proceeds to buy a car for the boys! Like he NEEDS another car with the truck and the motorcycle. Make sure you Take everything you can and make no concessions! Obviously he doesn't give a **** about how you or your family feels and is willing to do anything just to cause a problem. Don't do him any favors!!!
I have to agree with the "small town word gets around" aspect of this. You and your son don't have to go around badmouthing him for word of this to spread - it will. Things like this really do make a difference in a small town - unless the A is from there and has years of good will in the bank, something like this can hurt him badly.
God, Kim, they can sometimes be a real pain in the ass!! Who knows how they think???? I am sorry this has happened to son. Don't waste your time on the "shoulda dones." You can't change what happened. Clench your teeth, call him names, (to yourself, of course) and learn another lesson about dealing with an A. *sigh*
Love to ya,
Diva
-- Edited by Diva at 13:15, 2007-08-03
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Man I am still having such a hard time with this . . . I guess I am just so angry, I feel helpless to do something about this. I want to turn him in for his warrant SO BADLY, but I'm waiting until I'm not so obsessively pi$$ed off, and for more feedback.
I don't even know if one CAN turn someone in for a warrant. Maybe if he goes back to jail this stupid crap will stop!
