The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A new woman started at my office. She seemed really nice. She asked me to go to lunch, we went to a local spot. She kept talking incessantly. I would say something and there was no response. She would immediately pick up and keep talking again incessantly. I thought that it was because she was new, yadda, yadda, yadda. The next day, she asked me to lunch again. I said yes, thinking it would be different. What is the definition of insanity???? Before Alanon, I would have NEVER picked up on this behavior and would keep going to lunch with her. Now I have choices!!! I know she can't help it, but I am learning to do what is best for me and it feels wonderful! My daughter's daycare provider is always negative when I see her, so instead of sticking around to listen I tell her I have to go. Then, I received an e-mail from a colleague who is asking me questions about my job and it has nothing to do with his job. Instead of responding to his e-mail, I ignored it and thought about what was best for me to do and I change my focus. It is so weird how this is happening and the things I am seeing. I feel like I have found the escape hatch in a cave I've been living in for years! Woohoo, peace and serenity!!
Yup this is the very start of your freedom and peacefulness. Congrats. You will find new friends now that you have a new perspective on people and your surroundings. Good girl. Way to go!!
You know this makes me think about instincts we are supposedly born with, or "gut feelings". In many ways, what we learn in Alanon is to trust those gut feelings about people. There are complex notions like "detatchment" and "Danger, Will Robinson!!!" but in my life, I learned to crush them out of existance. Else I would have detested my own parents, and that is intolerable to a child. My sister and I were beaten by my father when we would not "go to him" or be affectionate with him. We were afraid of him, he was volatile and unpredictable.
I worked on a few psych units and some of the patients had severe character disorders, and were the hardest patients of all to take care of. They would threaten suicide if they didn't get red jello or a pass or a cigarette, some even made attempts on the unit. It was hard because there was an automatic Danger, Will Robinson! reaction to them we had to put aside for therapy's sake.
Then some wise older nurse said to me "It's natural and healthy to feel uncomfortable around people like this. They can't help how they are, but they can cause you damage."
Thankfully you don't run into such sickness on the job, but to recognize a sink hole when you see one is OK. We take care of ourselves and leave the rest to HP.
thank you for these posts they have help me quite a bit, and yes compared to last year, the people in my life are a vast improvement on what was there before, though I refuse to take inventories except of my ex-a, I'm not cured of that,
