Hi Family,

As a follow-up to the in-law situation (I'm Nobody's Convenience which I posted a few days ago) I informed them (nephew and this aunt) that I was turning over the aunt's banking, medication and general care to her nephew.  I suggested we meet at the bank today at which time, I turned over a black briefcase of paperwork to include "all" areas in which I took responsibility for her.

Everything was in order., I crossed all my t's and dotted all my i's regarding the efficiency in the organizaiton of the paperwork.  I explained that before we approached the teller to transfer, that I needed to review a few items with them both (nephew and aunt) so that when one checking book (the one I paid her bills with for 2 1/2 years) was cancelled, the other checking account paperwork forms)  could begin without me as I had another commitment to meet.  There was no time for small talk or chit chat.  I was quick, brief and removed.

The nephew suggested he put her two winter coats (which I brought-stored them in my home so she didn't have to (pay) store them) in his car before we began the transaction.  I told him I needed him with me and that was how I preferred it.  I chose not  to be alone with this aunt should she begin another rageaholic episode at me.

I then proceded to the teller who suggested that we could not close the account because there were still a couple outstanding checks in the account I held with her.  I then suggested the aunt and nephew open their account and transfer some of the monies in the orgiinal one just so the process and available accunt could begin for them.  Social Security and the Pension Company need to be notified as she has a direct deposit.  That is not my problem-they can notify, organzie and do the footwork here as I have done it when accounts needed to be changed two years agfo.

Once the teller agreed that their account paperwork could begin, I asked her if my presence was necesary.  She replied no and then I excused myself from the situation very  calmly and graciously.  I said my good bye to all and left.

I know it was quick, brief and short-lived.  My relationship is now one of business with them both (aunt and her nephew).  

I do believe she is early dementia, angry outburst and of course, the family is also accustomed to rescuing and fixing, regardless of behavior, one another that it is nauseating. Two and a half years of caring for this woman leaves me hurt and in pain as to how I was treated.

However, I look at the pattern through the years (34) of being married into this family and I just have to feel the reality of "freedom" right now.  The abuse, enmeshment, codependency and rescuing, fixing, no matter what their behavior is will be their  MO.  

This time (thank God) I have program.  Thank you Jesus for the ability to see the dysfunction, process it, and self-care.  

I am still hurt, but I have no regrets.  It is not my job to  "fix" them.  My job is to give them to my HP who fixes.  My responsibility is to self-care and cease partnership in dysfunciton.  After all, God gave me a gift to cherish and that is my serenity.  I gave my very best and now I choose to nurture myself and proclaim, "Job Well-Done!" 

I handled myself graciously, lovingly and healthily.  I feel sorry for them-but not too much and not too long.  I give them to my HP because this is about me, not them.  God is watching how I am going to handle this.  He gave me this awesome program, now I need to work it because I am worth it.

God Bless us all, Everyone!!
Nan