The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A's dad died a little over a week ago. It was a complicated relationship, but he still loved him a lot.
Both were diabetic, and his dad was also an alcoholic who would stop drinking for a year or two at a time, then start up again. Worked like a fiend through it all, though, and was in tremendous shape when my A worked for him.
He had a stroke about 5 years ago, lost some of both legs, etc. Somehow his death, which was earlier than anyone expected, really hit home with my A.
He decided on Wednesday, while drinking of course, that he was going to stop. The next morning he still was determined. He occasionally goes for a day when he gets sick enough, so the first day was no problem. By the second day he starts shaking, and sure enough, at 10:30 that morning, he came to me and said just stopping wasn't going to be enough. He was already thinking about stopping at the liquor store on his way back from work on Monday, and he knew he wouldn't even make it through the weekend. He needed help.
The good thing is he's arranged for some. He knows from past experience that working one on one with a counsellor works best for him, so he set up an appointment with an addictions specialist for next Friday. He's even considering a medical inpatient detox, something he always vetoed, and has set up an appointment with his doctor to get an evaluation before the counselling evaluation. He's been blowing off the doctor since he knew he wasn't going to do anything about his health issues, and I think partly because he didn't really want to know what was going on.
His plan is to have everything in place support-wise so when he does detox, he'll have a hope of not just starting back up again. He's never been so intentional before. The great thing is that I never said a word about detoxing with no support -- he came to that realization himself and actually decided to do something about it.
My job these next few days as I see it is to say NOTHING about what's coming up and to not hope too much. I know he could cancel the appointments and I have to be ready for that, although I can't lie and say I'm not hoping a little. It's his to handle and follow through with, though. If he wants to talk about anything, fine, but I won't bring anything up myself.
We're not supposed to orchestrate or control, but we ARE allowed to hope! I'll pray that things work out for you both. Maybe his father's passing was the "bottom" he had to hit. Let's hope so. Hope, yes, and take care of yourself. It sounds like you're doing that - keep it up!
Good for him that he thought of having the supports in place, especially considering the diabetes. I'm diabetic also, and because it's such a silent disease, you don't really believe how serious it is until you see its results, which he saw with his father. We diabetics often tend to avoid doctors when we haven't been doing what we're supposed to be doing. In a way, it's a little like alcoholism - we know what we have to do, we know the dangers, and we think we can handle it ourselves. In the meantime, we don't change what we're doing and hope it will go away. Maybe that's the disease, maybe it's human nature - probably both.
I will keep you both in my thoughts - many hugs to you!
Take care, Marion
__________________
Vocatus atque non vocatus, Deus aderit ("Bidden or not bidden, God is present") - Erasmus
I hope it all works out for him. I think it's really important for him to detox at a hospital. My A tried to detox at home and it didn't work. We just got him to the hospital in time before he had a seizure. I think it's the safest way. It's hard not to stay out of it. But keep taking it ODAT. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers tonight.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Yes, many need to have medical oversight, and if your A has health problems, even more reason to detox in a hospital or rehab.
A few times we had an alcoholic come to rehab, get accepted, and arrange for admission in the next day or two. We told them to go a head and drink "per usual" if the risk of seizures was high until admission.
I'd certainly be hoping up a storm. Your husband is making smart plans, and taking care of himself. That is fantastic!
