The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Here I am on a rainy Saturday afternoon! I had plans today to do some things, which have not happened for one reason or another, the lastest being the continued deluge of my area by rain. Not complaining...too much... as we have been in a drought for the last couple of years and have had a wonderful wet year this year! The grass in green, the rivers are full and the temperature has been mild for us. For those things I am grateful!
Decided to watch a movie this afternoon by the name of "Never Get Outta the Boat"....seemed an appropriate title, what with all the flooding our rivers have been doing!
The movie was about a "Sober House" that some young men with drug addictions are staying in to try to get sober. The movie is pretty graphic and for me anyway was quite motivating.
Not getting out of the boat came from a movie within the movie, I think it was Apacalypse Now, and was a reference to getting out of the boat along the banks of a river in the jungle and having bad things happen. The young man watching the movie likened that to basically not getting out of the "safe area" of the house they were staying in due to the temptations of drugs and other things in the world outside.
They showed a NA meeting in the movie that was very well done and authentic to a 12 step program meeting. At the end of the movie the young men that were still around, began to actually work the program and started to turn their lives around. And to have hope.
It was a powerful reminder to me of all the wonderful things that have happened within myself over the last 3 years that I have been in recovery. The drastic changes in my life. Perhaps drastic isn't the right word. Lets go with Dramatic! Because, with the exception of being single and living alone, the outter part of my life is not so different than it was before alanon. The dramatic part comes from the internal change. The change in the way I perceive my life. The way I have come to cherish the gift of just being alive. I have so many friends. I am healthy. I am able to support myself financially. I am not alone.
3 years ago I was married with two step sons. Had very few friends. Was miserable. Was not happy to be alive most days. Lived my life waiting. Waiting for things to get better, but had no clue as how to go about making my life get better. I truly did not know who I was, or what I wanted or needed, and I was so very, very sad and lonely.
Then my HP, whom I call God, stepped in and did for me what I could not do for myself. Changed my life. I am not sure if it was His will that my wife should end our marriage of 10 years. I don't know. And I don't have to know. What I do know, is He placed in front of me during this time a gift. He didn't force me to accept the gift, because I still have my free will of course, but He put the gift there at the moment when I was most likely to open it up and use it. Not just look in the box, see socks, and disgard it. That gift was the 12 step program of Al-Anon. Because I was willing to do anything at this time in my life to get better, to stop hurting so bad...to stop wanting to die and start wanting to live.. the timing was impeccable. His timing always is . It's our failure to recognize the gifts that keep us from receiving them.
Back to the boat analogy. My boat is truly beautiful. A wooden hulled, streamlined beauty with an engine powerful enought to propel me where ever I want to go...however fast or slow I choose. My hand is on the throttle. Some days I open it up and run wide open, somedays I just putter along. Somedays I turn the engine off, but I always keep it tied to the dock where I can find it. My boat can be small enought to go through a shallow stream or an ocean liner so I can carry all my wonderful program friends with me.
I christen my boat the good ship "Al-Anon" and I believe I will be staying in it for a long time to come!
Thanks for the continual hope that things can get better. I am in an unending cycle of torture right now, and in looking ahead I can only see it getting worse before it gets better. It is almost unbearable. I want a beautiful boat too!
Lou
__________________
Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
What a great post! You truly have come a long way. I remember when I first came to this board, how scared and afraid I was. You were one the first to make me feel right at home. That Alanon arc is pretty full these days. Hope you made room for all of us along with our pets. It is quite an amazing structure isn't it? Gifts come along in the most unexpected ways. That's what makes life exciting. One never knows.........
Glad you are getting the rain. But hope you won't flood. I'm a bit flood sensitive after the flood last November. As much as I love the rain, there's a part of me that always cringes when we get a downpour. Pipers loves the rain. The only cat I know who prefers to stay out in the rain. But I still love to sit and watch the rain w/hubby and Pipers. Mind you I don't like it when she jumps on me when she wet. Nothing like wet cat hair!
Much love and blessings to you and your family. Scratch the boys for me!
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
A beautiful,grounded,centered and full of faith post....thank you for sharing. Isn't it a beautiful thing to be in this boat, at the helm,all alone (no offense to those of you picturing an arc!). This boat is all for me and I will travel to the places I choose....guided by my HP....trusting all will be ok. I am so new here....only 7 months since my exA found AA and thus me finding alanon...but the changes are already profound. Not dramatic as you say with 3 years, but REAL. Thank you to all of you for helping me along...this MIP boat sure is a strong and sturdy one that I like to pull up all the time. Love, Fifi
There are days I feel like my row boat has run aground and there is no way to get it back in the water. Other days I am sailing smoothly on an ocean liner. Thank you for the post my friend. And get your hand off that throttle!!! (SenoraBob goes to the corner now and whines about the MIP bus being in pieces all over davey's yard.)
SenoraBob
-- Edited by bob6502 at 19:00, 2007-07-31
__________________
Higher Power doesn't always wrap presents in pretty paper.
Is it an ice cutter, crushing through the cold silence some days ? Is it a fishing vessel, instead of feeding us only one day, teaching us to feed ourselves one day at a time ? Is it a cargo vessel which I can some of my bagage on, to be carried away, lightening my load a bit ? Is it a life boat, where I can hop when the ship is sinking ? Is it a paddle boat, where I have to do some footwork to get some where ? Is it a rafting boat where I undulate along the rough river and through the rapids, yet I feel exilerated when I've actually made the effort to make the ride? Is it a sailboat, where I practice my serenity prayer, accepting if there is wind and if so from what direction, yet controlling the things I can, like hoisting the sail and catching the wind ? Is it a casino boat, where the payoff is greater than I imagine if I just trust the dealer ? Is it a tugboat, where when I'm broken and down, it helps me find my way back to port where I can make repairs....and amends. Maybe it's a research ship, where I can take a trip inside myself and see things nobody else ever has before ? Maybe it's a fireboat, where I can shoot a water canon spray of slogans and tools to calm my anger and resentments. Perhaps an airboat, which allows me to float above murky and weeded waters while propelling myself to my next destination.
It's time to pull this post to dock and tie it off.....
Bob
__________________
You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
as we have been in a drought for the last couple of years and have had a wonderful wet year this year! The grass in green, the rivers are full and the temperature has been mild for us. For those things I am grateful!
It is quite an amazing structure isn't it? Gifts come along in the most unexpected ways. That's what makes life exciting. One never knows.........
