"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

jrtjosey · ~*Service Worker*~

my boys' friends' Mom

debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Josey, Wow what a mess eh?

Ok I would set the boys down and tell them that she does indeed have a problem that makes it unsafe for them to go over there.

Sadly Josey you are probably the closest thing those kids have for a home. In doing that, however, the kids and you are put in danger.

Meth addicts are psychotic, have no guilt, and are driven to be destructive. For those kids of hers to be at your house, sets you up for her and her meth "friends" to get crazy and come over to your house.

She could tell her pals you won't allow her to bring her kids home, and bam! You and your kids, are in MAJOR trouble. They do not have any kind of a thinking process and maim and kill with out plan.

It is of course up to you. I am telling you in my experience, there is NEVER any being reasonable trying to help or talk to or having anything to do with a meth or any kind of white dope user.

I would not allow my kids to have anything to do with any of them. There are infinite scenerios that could, and more often than not, will happen. It is the nature of a meth user.

My sister-in-law is one. One day sweet as pie, the next trying to run me over with her car. For NO reason.

Anyway I hope my sharing helps. Her kids may be taken away from her anyway. We can hope for that.

much love to you and that poor family, debilyn

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha JM!!

Sounds like you already have workable solutions. I would consider them if I were in your position. Don't make it a big deal...when/if it becomes a deal then talk about it then. Sounds okay right? If they have their own beds in your place it might be that they already know more than you do?

Good share.

(((((hugs))))) smile

CJ · ~*Service Worker*~

((Josey))

Although we can definately give compassion, sympathy and love, I've found it a terrible play on my part to keep people from hitting their bottom. I cannot fix. I cannot control. In that hypothetical situation (for me, that is), I would attempt to be a good listener and neighbor to those children. As Jerry mentioned, I bet those kids have hid a lot of anger/shame and pain, and perhaps they may feel comfortable sharing in a safe environment (just like us). Higher Power has a funny way of bringing certain situations to a head a specific times....

with love,
cj

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

A part of the problem, as I see it, is that it IS a big deal! Being arrested for possession of meth and possible distribution is nothing you want your kids to casually "find out." I would sit them down, show them the newspaper, not in an "I told you so" mode, but so that they can read for themselves what their friends' mom was up to. Then I would carefully but firmly explain that they (your children) must not be in her house anymore. Her children should be welcome at your home as always.

No question it is a tough situation, but making "no big deal" out of it does not send the message you want your kids to receive. This is deadly serious stuff!!!

I wish you and yours the best. I am sorry your suspicions were confirmed...or, rather, were there to confirm...but protecting yours is of paramount inportance.

Best wishes as always,

Diva

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

Not knowing how old your kids are - I have a tough time knowing whether or not they can handle a sit-down talk about this.... I like the idea of "no overnights" there, obviously.... Sounds like you might be somewhat of a "safe haven" for her kids once in awhile...

Take care
Tom

Friendofyours · ~*Service Worker*~

Sounds like some good advice from everyone. These kids will be in my prayers. ^i^

jrtjosey · ~*Service Worker*~

thabnks all.... the boys are all between 13 and 16, so they do understand substance abuse. I had not thought of her coming down here flipping out so I will have a plan arranged wit the boys. Her boys have always sought out a place to stay when it gets ugly at home, so it is nothing new for them to crash somewhere else without even calling home. I talked to another Mom envoloved and she said the boys will always leave when Mom gets messed up. So their instincts are right.

I have decided to just lay out what I know from the criminal report in the paper and see where the conversation goes. I don't even want them up there during the day, but my house will be open to any child not wanting to go home, but with a diary to back it up now.

Josey

nursedebbiepink · Member

reading the post....my heart goes out to those poor kids. thank god they have a safe haven at your home. i'll bet those kids have shared some of their "stuff" with your children so it probobly won't be too much of a shock when you talk to them.

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

((((Josey))))

I think I would do what you have been doing, with the exception of explaining why they can no longer go to the meth lady's house. And that's all.
In fact, you don't really have to tell them she was arrested, just that suspicions have been confirmed of meth use. That's really all they need to know.
Even though you now know, I don't think I'd become the counselor to the (her) boys. That's where some trouble could start if they ever said to their Mom "Josey said....yadda yadda"

I probably would just continue to be a safe place as it has been and leave it at that.

Christy

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"