The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been reading this site for a while, but have never written anything here.
Part of the reason was because I was so depressed about my situation living with an active alcoholic. I felt hopeless and ashamed. Who would want to read about my sad story? I have made so many mistakes, but at least now I am trying to get back on my feet.
But then I found the courage to move out and I enrolled in college. I thought I would be happier but I am still really sad and depressed. Life is a huge struggle, it is really tough to juggle classes and work and I don't have enough to eat at times, but even this is better than what I lived with.
With my classes and work schedule I no longer have time to go to regular alanon meetings, so I have decided to make this site my home group.
I don't understand some changes though, I saw on the main page that this group is no longer registered with the WSO. Why is that? Has the group reregistered yet? I thought every alanon group had to be registered with WSO.
I also see the links gone that tells people how to donate money. Where are they now? Since this is my home group now, I would like to donate something to feel like I belong here and can post, but I don't know how now. Why were the links taken down? I don't have a credit card so can I send cash or a money order to the treasurer? Who is the treasurer?
I really hope this group can help me to understand why I am still so depressed and lonely. I thought once I moved out and got away from my alcoholic that life would be wonderful, it is NOT!
Thanks for listening. It is hard to make friends in college since I am so busy and don't have much time, and I feel different than other people, they seem so happy and cheerful. I have so much pain inside me I am afraid to talk about it and let it out and people will think there is something wrong with me. But, if I pretend everything is OK then I feel like a fraud. Has anyone else ever felt like this?
Is this a real alanon group with meetings and literature available? Is there a phone list I can call when I need to talk, I mean really talk like on the phone like I had in my regular real life meeting? I have a cell phone that is free after 9:00pm and on weekends if anyone wants to share the phone list with me so I have someone to talk to when I really feel down. Sometimes memories hit me and I want to talk to someone, and I know only someone in Alanon would understand.
I don't know the answers to your questions about official business, but I wanted to welcome you for your first post.
When I first starting coming to MIP, I also thought 'who'd want to read about my sorry situation with my A??' What I didn't realize at the time was I had no idea how my story would affect others. How could I know? But when I did, many came to me with understanding and support, some said telling my story was helpful to them as well. Who'da thunk it?
One of the first gifts of Alanon for me was the feeling that I'm not alone, and that my situation with my A was NOT unusual, exceptional, especially bizarre or something to be ashamed of. I needed to hear that, being a person who takes on shame too easily.
And I wholeheartedly understand another point you made . . . my A is out of the picture too, and NOPE, I still have all the same problems I did before :D Just don't have him around to focus on and 'not notice' how much I need to do for me.
MIP is my most available Alanon 'contact', as I am in a rural place, but I attend the AA meetings and I find the face to face is needed too. I go to one or two meetings a week, usually one, but I come here daily. I have a small farm and had to juggle my schedule of milking goats to get to the meeting and be able to blab afterward. They are a source of inspiration and energy, and plus I don't get out much and need the human contact of health-seeking people making their lives better.
I was also depressed and lonely. I knew WHY . . . I was isolated and refused to interact with anyone :D . I allowed it to get that way. But with some effort and faith I put myself out there a tiny bit at a time. I can truthfully say I am not lonely or depressed now. Baby steps are all you need to take. If someone told me (back then) I needed to go immerse myself in a group of other people I would have said "yeh, right!" and crawled back into my loft. Instead my Higher Power who I'll call God had other plans. Boy am I glad he did!!
I hope you find your way here to post and check in with us as often as you can. I like how active this board is, lots of stuff going on all the time.
Sounds great and then....you are human. Okay now I relate. Changes are never easy even when I instigate them. Changes bring more changes and different consequences than what I expected or use to have. Changes never killed me though sometimes I thought the process was killing me. What happened was I got into this miraculous program and started taking the suggestions and slogans to heart. I needed to follow because my self leadership was digging my own grave mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. I learned to listen to and watch other members changes and figured if I did what they were doing then the outcomes from my choices would change to something better than what I was getting then. I was right and broke free from being mired in my insanity while enjoying positive changes that others had passed down.
Suggestions were to get to as many meetings as I could in the first 90 days; sit down, listen, learn and practice. Always keep coming back. Learn the steps, traditions and slogans and look for a sponsor; someone with solid recovery and who would agree to help me as a sponsor. Don't feel hurt if they turn you down...keep looking for a good one and keep asking. Those were the early suggestions. More came later especially from my sponsor and positive change has continued to come my way.
One thing I learned? "Depression is anger turned inward" That one helped alot. Another thing I learned? When I learn to love and appreciate myself the lonliness goes away. I can now be alone and rarely ever feel lonely. I learned the power of patience and the frustration went away as promised. I memorized the "Just for Today" handout from the meeting and use it to plan my day and life.
There is soooo much to value in the Al-Anon Family Groups and I would suggest you stick around the group exclusively. Keep coming back and let the family group love you. Don't attempt that with someone outside of this spiritual program cause experience has shown that I have rarely picked the right people to depend on for love, compassion and understanding and who have an honestly spiritual bone in their body.
Find a power greater than your self as a priority!!
Keep coming back...Take ((((hugs)))) and give ((((hugs))))
One thing you might want to think about is that you don't have to go to just one place for help. Alanon can help with some aspects of your unhappiness, but won't do much good if, for instance, your depression is due to a chemical inbalance, and needs medication. Luckily, being a student means that you have access to some help - contact your student's union, and they can put you in the way of free or cheap counselling, medical help, whatever. This is not such a giant leap as it seems - if you try something and don't like it, you can always stop....
