The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When I woke up this morning (before the kids woke up) I laid in my bed and just looked at the ceiling. I thought of where my life was and where I am at now. Then I thought about some of you who are in the midst of the alcoholism and are confused. When I think back seven years ago and the hell I was in it feels like a bad nightmare. It feels unreal. That was NOT the way I thought my life would be. When I finally had enough and physically removed the ah from my life I finally found freedom about a year later. It's taken about a year to calm my anger, my hatefulness, my resentment not only for the alcoholism but people around me. (married for seven years) Now looking back I can see how pathetic I was (in my eyes). I did not know who I was. How could the disease take ME down?? Ohhhh it did! I was never physically violent until I lived with an alcoholic. I hit him, I hated him. I lashed out at everyone. I would fight so hard when he was around just to pretend to be normal that when I did get a break I was exhausted. I was living a lie. Looking back...I don't know where "I" was. I FINALLY feel like I am back. I am at peace. I haven't cried in a long time, I don't get angry. I would never let myself get back into that spot again. I am still married but I do not live with my alcoholic which is probably why I am healed or healing. It's seriously like I lived a bad BAD BAD dream and I am awake. So..............back to the point of thinking about some of you... I prayed that you would find yourself here one day. I don't wish that misery, nightmare on anyone. I stay around this board to keep grounded and to help (if I can) some of you to know there IS a light...but it's up to you. It feels so damn hard to see the light but it really is there. For me, removing the alcoholic completely from where I lived was my recovery. Then that's when I could focus on myself and my children. It's so easy to lose yourself while being with an A and not even know it. I thank Al-anon who reminds us to remember ourselves. Its easier said then done that's for sure but once that step was taken it seemed like I got stronger and stronger and well.......here I am. There is a way out. Love you guys.
Thanks for your post. Words of Wisdom. I would so love to be where you are right now. I know It's up to me to bring myself there. I need my time to accept some things in my life. Time to see where I want to go. And time to make my dreams come true IF I can...
You DO help people on the board with your replies, and I thank you for that. Al-Anon is a programme for life, wether you are healing, you will Never heal 100%, In my opinion.....
Very good share Friend. I hope you have forgiven yourself and look back on the past and know you were doing the best you knew how. The situation was very difficult.
I too am usually very mellow, don't get mad. But I thru things a couple times out of frustration.
But thank God we were blessed with Alanon and so many brothers and sisters that we could learn from, and realize we were not the only ones who "lost" it.
Really friend,who wouldn't go a bit nuts? We did not know at the time there were answers.
Sure is good being back to oatmeal, meaning no more of that awful drama eh?
