The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I find myself in the situation where my husband is fast approaching his year anniversery of sobriety. Me, on the other hand have spent the past year having a affair,smoking alot of weed, being angry at him and just not knowing what to do with myself. Where do I even start to recover? and where can I find the motorvation?
I'm glad you found us. I'm glad you were looking. For me, my motivation came from being desperate to have a better way of living, a realisation that I deserved better. And where to start....I began to acknowledge the truth of the situation I was in at the time. I stopped trying to fool myself and make excuses.
I have found the first year of sobriety with my husband very difficult, in the beginning, I felt left behind too, it seemed it was still all about him, and I was lost as to what my purpose in life was. Gradually I have had to ween myself off and out of his buisiness, and appreciate that sobriety is a freedom for me too, a time to descover what I am all about, I look at it now as a new beginning for me, and I embrace it, and remember how lucky I am, that my husband can stay sober.
I guess it's the "first things first" here deal. I have a problem making it to ftf meetings right now but I can be reading the lit and going online to gather what I need. I also need to start working the steps but really not sure how I really go about that. I' m open to suggestions.
Welcome to the MIP family. Here you will find great experience, strength, hope, wisdom, and humor (good for the ).
You have taken the first step in your recovery by coming here. I know that feeling of lonliness you feel during the first year of recovery. If you go back to one of my posts April 25, Am I ready for Sobriety? it was a reprint of a very wise, young lady. It was a blessing for me. I finally started to get it. (I'm slow learner! lol) Start to work your steps and then live the steps. Get to meetings. Find a sponsor. I know this sounds very overwhelming. But it will come. You can do this. I did. They don't call this board Miracles in Progress for nothing. Never, never, ever give up on your recovery.
A couple of things I have learned along the way: Your recovery has to be about you and for you, regardless if he chooses recovery or not. It's about taking back your life and living the life you so richly deserve. The other thing to keep in mind is that the dynamics of a sober relationship vs. an active one are very different.
Hubby has been sober for over a year now. It hasn't been a piece of cake for either of us. But we work hard at our relationships and our recoveries. I needed to change for me. He had to change for him, lest he end up dead. We have our routines that strengthen our relationship and our recoveries, such as reading aloud to each other from our daily meditation books. When we get the chance I go to open AA meetings with him. But we also keep a distance when it comes to our recoveries. If we want to talk about our meetings we do. But we don't ask each other what went on. I also tell him how much I love him and how proud I am of what he's done. The war they wage is ongoing, hard and one they never trully win. The moment they think they've one, is when they become vulnerable to relapse. I don't think I could do it. Give your hubby a hug for me, and tell him I said CONGRATS! It's awesome what he has done.
When it comes down to it, recovery for both parties is an incredibly selfish act. It has to be. For addicts it becomes a matter of life or death. Would you rather have him active and end up dead, in jail or institutionalized? For us, the damage can be just as great. Ever here the old saying that often codies end up sicker than their addict? It's true. I would rather have my A sober and living apart (if it came down to that) rather than dead. I would rather live my life healthy and happy than going back to the chaos that once was.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <--- the cat
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Welcome -you're in the right place. Sounds like you already made a step towards motivation and recovery by just posting. Recovery is a process and takes time - it just requires a willingness to learn and be open to healing yourself which sounds like you have. If it were me, I would recommend finding a face to face meeting to go to at least once a week, get the literature and start reading, post here when you need to work things out, get a sponser to help you through and start praying and mediating. You'll learn that taking care of yourself is the best reward - this is am amazing program and I have so much gratitude. it took me to me in the depths of emotional pain before I finally would go and admit to myself that perhaps I also had some issues. Good luck - please come back and keep us posted!
). 
I finally started to get it. (I'm slow learner! lol) Start to work your steps and then live the steps. Get to meetings. Find a sponsor. I know this sounds very overwhelming. But it will come. You can do this. I did. They don't call this board Miracles in Progress for nothing. Never, never, ever give up on your recovery.