We survived Saturday's dinner with my Brother-in-law.  It was --geeze I'm not sure what it was. 

Sat. my Ah was suppose to stop by to help with the weedeating around the house, he'd been saying that he was going to stop by for a month so I wasn't really banking on it only the odds were better since he knew his brother had invited the kids and I over for dinner.  He did show up and I just flat out told him I knew that his brother had asked if it were okay if we came and I told him how much it irked me cause he didn't need to be in my business and I didn't want to be in his (God knows if I know anything about what my A is doing my program flies out the window)  This kind of suprised my A but I didn't really care.

After talking a bit and the kids asking him to come with us he said he's coming too -- I'd already been praying, but put it in full gear then lol. 

At first it was a lot of fun, I've know this brother in law since I was 18 -- longer than his current 4th wife, which makes her mad.  But anyhow there was a ton of laughter about past horses that he owned, a TV stand incident and rattleSTEAK -- I thought, this isn't going to be so bad.  Until....you knew that was coming right?? lol  The Gin started to flow. 

Within a short time a good many things happened that I won't even bother to include here because I'm sure many of you could fill in these blank with similar experiences.  But I believe that this whole night was a God thing, a lesson for me. 

While my BIL's wife and I sat around she mentioned my daughters nail polish which was slate grey, how my BIL would never go for that, that he wouldn't go for red's and it had to be "clean" - pearled pink, light and on and on and on.  Then later my BIL said to my daughter how she aught to let his wife take that polish off and do it right.  Okay, now this really crawled all over me, see it's a control thing.  I've been there, my A use to do that to me too, it's one reason I don't bother to wear polish of any kind.  There is a line that gets crossed where what you do is no longer because you want to do it for your partner, to where it is because you are being told what to do by your partner.  My daughter kept looking at me, I just told her you wear what you like, it's all about what makes you feel good.  No one should ever tell you how you should look or appear. 

Then later when we FINALLY ate, my A who was also toasted by this time, is loudly talking with his brother over his plate and picks up a piece of silverware and holds it up to me.  He doesn't even look at me and is reaching across the table.  I almost took it.  But then I didn't, I just watched him, he leans over farther until it's about 5 inches from my face.  Finally I said do you want me to do something with that?  He now looks at me and say I was asking you to put this in the sink....hell no you weren't, been here and done this.  It's a control thing....holy cow I'm shaking just thinking about all of this.  It's not where I ever want to go again.  I remember how his dad use to shake his tea glass and the rattle of the ice would call his mother to refill his dad's glass, he never said a word to her.  That is exactly where I had ended up, it makes me sick.

So here is the part of the night I'm not proud of, before we left they encouraged us to take some of the ton of food that was left over, I made a plate for the kids and I and my BIL started to make a burger for my A....heheheh.... he says to my A Mustard?  my A replies no, don't ruin my burger....hehehee.....so I stand right beside my BIL and say, "Oh, did you put mayo on that?"  He says yes -- "oh, he hates mayo" my BIL replies well crap it's on there now, Mater?? (tomatoe)  "Yes, two slices, he loves that"  k-two slices ...heheheh.....  My Ah hates tomatoe and loves mayo.  I laughed my Arse off. 

I feel sorry for my SIL, she drinks like my BIL only she is in his control.  That night he actually said if he were set like he is now 10 yrs ago, he knew what he would do with me......hmmmm well, I guess that was a compliment?  That pissed his wife off and made my A act like I was his property -- so manly.  Disfunction, disfunction, disfunction.

My enlightenment is in how far I've come.  There was a day that I would have used the attention to piss my A off, just because I could.  There was a day that I would have been lifted up emotionally by my BIL comments (which I see today are so twisted)  and I see my sister in law sadly feeling like she isn't good enough because her husband projects that on her -- just as my A did to me. 

All I know is that I want more for my kids, I want them to know how to treat others and be treated by others...what is healthy and acceptable and what isn't.  This opened the door to many conversations with my kids. 

It was good that I went -- I never want to go back to that.  Thanks for letting me share.

Luna