The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had a thought today, while I was working out (something I recently started doing again and it feels good)! The thought was more of a realization and a question... Why is it so hard to take care of me?
My glasses have been "broken" for almost two weeks now (one of the nose pads broke off) and I keep saying I need to get them fixed but I don't do it)
I have something wrong with one of my toes and I keep saying that I'll go to the podiatrist (for the past 3 months).. and I don't do it.
If my hubby needs me to make him a lunch for the day (If he is in school and needs to bring his lunch) I will make both of us a nice lunch to take. HOWEVER - if he doesn't need a lunch - I wont' bother making myself one.
Why? If I had a child and her glasses were broke, I'd be sure to have them fixed within the day! I'd make her lunch every day - and it would be a special lunch, not just something slapped together. If there was something wrong with her foot, I'd find a good doctor and make sure she was taken care of.
But not for me. I don't readily do these things for myself. Quite sad when I think about it.
This week, I am commiting to take care of me. I'm going to make the podiatrist appointment and I am going to get my glasses fixed. I deserve it.
One day at a time, I pray for the strength and the courage to take care of myself - the way I deserve to be taken care of.
Anybody want to share their experience with this issue? How well do you take care of yourself? What helps you to remember to put yourself first?
This has been on my mind too . . . why have I not taken care of myself, pretty much forever.
One of my conclusions is that it just never occurred to me that there was anything to take care of. I ran around with broken glasses for weeks once, and all I remember feeling was anger at the dog for chewing one of the stems off. I had a "baby" tooth that didn't have an adult molar behind it, and it rotted from the inside out. I remember being put out over the pain, having to make a dentist appointment (and then explain why I didn't come in for a root canal a long time ago). My needs made me mad, impatient, or put out in some way. It was like I looked at myself as an annoying puppy who keeps piddling on the carpet.
OR, they simply didn't come up on the radar. I spent years overeating, got overweight, and finally lost the weight and stopped overeating. I even had several months of drinking alcohol every night to fall asleep (the racing thoughts kept me awake). In retrospect, that is how I responded to my own needs, but stuffing food on top of them or drinking to fall asleep. I was too cranked up emotionally, and thought it was because I was an idiot or weak. No, I am human and have needs! I just didn't even know it.
My parents set an excellent example of how to not bother meeting your needs appropriately :D . I came by it honestly. But here, all the self care stuff is beginning to make sense. Like making sure I have groceries, coffee beans roasted and ready for the morning cup, cleaning up the house as I go, thinking ahead instead of impulsively acting out. Why I myself am not a full blown alcoholic or morbidly obese is a complete mystery and a miracle, because I have it in me.
So one day at a time, I do my dishes because I like a clean kitchen, I stick to a routine with the farm stuff and don't blow anything off. I've got lots and lots of work to do, good work, on taking care of myself and meeting my needs in appropriate ways, but it's a good journey! And we're all on it together in good company :) .
Hi (((Positivelydee))) I love this topic, thank you. Pre-alcoholic husband I think I was pretty good at taking care of myself (I wonder sometimes if I should do another inventory around this to make sure I'm not in denial lol) I believe this was because I witnessed my Mum being very self-sacrificing and my Dad sytematically destroying her self-esteem. Even as a tiny child I knew this wasn't right, I remember having a 'bad feeling in my tummy' when my Dad disrespected my Mum. My Mum said she nearly fell through the floor when at 14yrs old I informed her that although she was a wife and mother, she was also a woman, with needs and desires of her own. She had every right to attempt to fulfill them. I think I rebelled very early at the repression and disrespect for women I saw in my family (not just immediate, extended also) and although today I understand the dynamics that created this situation, it doesn't make it right.
Lo & behold as my A's disease progressed my ability to take care of myself got lost in my preoccupation with him. I was too busy 'being distraught' or trying to keep everything ticking over to attend appointments or worse, I forgot them because I was stressed. I lost a great deal of my self-respect and when I looked back, I recognised that I no longer felt as worthy and that somehow others had become more important than myself. Part of this was a distraction, if I was caught up in someone-else's business I didn't have to deal with mine.
I was fortunate that I had at least known some self-worth, self-esteem and self-respect so when I went to Al-Anon I began to regain it with the love, support and ESH of others. By this time, my health problem had seriously deteriorated so it was imperative that I took care of myself.
I had to start simple and keep it simple for quite some time. Getting out of bed in the early days was always a good start! I had to make an effort to get some sort of routine; eat, take my medication, wash, dress, sleep etc. Then I started with the doctor, dentist, optician appointments. Today, I also have regular chiropractic, podiatry and Shiatsu. I have tried many 'alternative' therapies. I eat fresh food whenever possible, drink 1.5L water daily, I take certain health supplements as orthodox medicine is shockingly limited with regard to my condition and I choose to restrict the amount of pharmaceutical drugs in my system. In short I take responsibility for me.
I may choose to have salon treatments, lunch with a friend, sit in a field and read, watch a movie, colour in childrens books, blow bubbles or meditate. I try to listen to my body, identify my needs (physical, emotional & spiritual) and take some action.
In taking care of myself I've had to let my obsession & perfectionism go. (Not a bad thing lol!) My home is a mess as I have limited strength and energy and today I put what energy I do have into me, the housework will still be there later.
I do not always get it right but today I am so much better at it. For me it's not so much the 'doing' that is difficult, it's the 'maintaining'.
Another thing I found to be true is that when I am looking after myself, am as well & healthy as I can be, I have more to offer others. I do not have children of my own (therefore have more personal time) but I'd like to think I am setting a reasonable example for my nieces so they may aspire to be strong, healthy, independent women.
Al-Anon for me is not just about recovery, it's also about discovery. I'm enjoying the journey and will always be a 'work in progress'. I hope this helps. x Maria x
It's been said already and I have to agree self esteem is the key. When I came to Alanon my self esteem was very low and I was completely unaware of this. I somehow had it mixed up with confidence. I am a fairly confident person and try to be outgoing, and so just thought my self esteem was okay. Never really considered that it might not be. My family and friends know I would give or do anything I could to help them out. I was always happy to do this. However I now have learned that it is as important to look after myself. (I would spend whatever I had if my nephew needed sonething...but would always think twice before spending on myself).....
I started to wonder why this was. I felt it was necessary to always be cautious with money when it came to things I needed for myself. I realised this was unfair on myself. I was so used to making do that I treated myself in this way automatically.
I did a lot of self esteem improving exercises and benefitted greatly.
And now I am very conscious of self care. I keep my house tidy and try to treat myself as often as I can. I exercise and try not to eat junk food very often. I remind myself that I am worth it. I know I am , but it took me a long time to get to this point.
