The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am a new member to this group. There are no local meetings in which I can attend, apparently I live in the middle of nowhere. I am so very glad to have found this place.
My H has been struggling with alocholism and drug addiction for over 18 years, we have been married for only 6. He was recently arrested for possession and ended up being placed in a comprehensive outpatient rehabilitation program (it's called Drug Court) for the next two years. Felony First offenders in my state are given a second chance to earn their life back. He's been out for a week, he's been able to find employment (he lost his previous job), he gives me all the money to hold and we have been talking about our issues and concerns. I knew about the A, but not about the D. This aspect of it adds a very intense twist.
I feel like I have lost everything. I feel as though the life I "thought" I had was over. My trust in my H is completly gone but there is a thin thread that is connected that needs to see him through this process, regardless.
I've gone through the motions to protect my daughter and me. She and I have our house, a car and am able to pay the bills (with a little help from my family). I've been taking each moment one at a time. I hope that as time goes on I'll be able to plan ahead, but right now it is as though nothing is certain. I've been looking around with hopes to find a network of support for myself. My daughter (2 1/2 years old) and I have been deeply traumatized. It's difficult to see her go through this process. All I can do is hold her.
I'm in a whirl wind of emotions, of which some I cannot even identify. I hope, with my faith in God, that I will overcome this moment in my life.
Welcome to MIP. I'm glad you found these pages. There are many people here who care and understand what you are going through. I think its great that you are trying to get together supports in you life. Its always easier to cope and keep perspective when there are supportive people around you.
Given your faith in God, I'm sure you will get through this time as you say.
Please keep coming back here and sharing what is happening in your life. You are in my prayers, AM
Welcome, Heather!! You and I just might be neighbors, I too live on the edge of the known world in north Idaho. This Alanon board tides me through on a daily basis, as meetings are scarce.
My "alcoholic" is also drug addicted. I met him when he had several years clean from methamphetamine. He told me stories of his past but I'd never known anyone who 'did that stuff'. He is an exagerator, tells fish stories ("It was THIS big!!), so I just thought he was embellishing at the time.
He relapsed on meth the year we moved up here from southern CA. Now, I know he was not exagerating. It was worse than I could have imagined. Ever.
I'm so glad you have taken care of yourself and the baby. That is the most important principle in Alanon. It sounds simple, but as you know, it is no easy feat at first.
In spite of your isolation, there may be meetings around you that you are unaware of. The message board here has been a life saver to me, but the face to face meetings are powerful, and it's so good to connect with those close(r) by you.
Like AM said, keep coming and sharing with us. We try very hard not to give advice, but will happily share what we've done to cope with alcoholism/drug addiction in our loved ones. The stories are about experience, strength and hope. Then, you will know you are not alone.
Take care and I hope to see you back here soon. Kim
Sometimes there isn't an Alanon meeting around, but there IS an open AA meeting, which you could attend. Just listening to people in recovery can be helpful. Then after the meeting, you could talk to people individually, maybe somebody whose share struck a chord with you, not only about whether they know of an alanon meeting, but even about whether they have a spouse who might like to get together.
There's also a "lone member" program through alanon world service - you can check that out at al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.htm
And of course, meetings online. There are different formats, boards like this one, chats, email lists - check out ola-is.org
Good luck, and keep coming back - it was amazing to me how, even before I could tell HOW meetings might help at all, I noticed that my week was somehow calmer when I had been to a meeting. Couldn't explain it - but it worked.
Thank you for the additional information. I will, certainly, not give up my search for a live meeting. I believe I found one that is held once a week about 45 miles from home. I just have to call and verify.
I started in alanon when my husband sobered up - he said he had been told that I should try alanon, so I did, to support him. It took a while, eventually I learned that alanon was for ME, not for him. I had stumbled across some of the basic tools and ideas on my own some years before, and they had saved my sanity.
My husband was also a drug user - it's all the same "ism", and he will have to learn to battle it the same way - learning better ways to cope with life's ups and downs, learning better mental, emotional, and spiritual habits. In, the meantime, he will do what he will do - you, however, can choose what you do. You do not have to ride his rollercoaster with him - it is possible to love him, and yet detach enough that his disease does not destroy you.
I can share through my experience that things to get so much better. My children at the beginning of this were 18 months old and twin five months old. AH was out of the house due to alcohoism. I could NOT have him around them. I had to protect them. So I have raised them pretty much all by myself and they are fine. Straight A students with no disfunction. They are now 7,6,6 and we know that we are all we have. Daddy is still in the pic but he's only half way in the picture. They know who thier protector is.....ME, they know who would go to the ends of the earth for them.....ME. They do know daddy loves them and I don't say bad things about him. I go about our lives and teach them the things they need to know. Their father has to explain things to them when they are old enough to understand I hope things are not too late. But you CAN do it. You'll be amazed at the strength a mother has. The one thing that was my first priority was to make sure I was mentally ok so this way I could be a great mother. Things have worked out fine. Good luck to you and you can talk to me anytime. Good luck. Your in my prayers.
Part of me needs to see my AH through this process. Part of me has hope that things will improve between us, I just hope that this isn't false hope. I guess time will tell. I've been completely honest with him concerning the complete loss of trust, the feelings and thoughts that I have. We were friends before our marriage, and that is the level that I have returned to. He knows that if I need for him to leave, he will. If it boils down to it, he has a safe place to stay that has been prearranged.
When he comes home from his Drug Court class this morning, I plan to go out grocery shopping. I might even go to the discount clothing/home decor store and see if I can get my hands on a treasure. I've added to the look of my kitchen by adding chickens
