The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well we talked the next day. He had to work late, wanted to know if I would come to his job site to pick up check after I got off work, Well when I got there rain had sent him home, he needed to talk to me any how.would I come out there. I wasn't real thrilled but knew if I didn't I wouldn't get the check. So I went. We actually had a very good time. All he talked about really was him, him, him, but I'm used to that. He guess he needed some one other than family to talk to. he talked alot about his family and his daughter's attempted sucide. I felt really bad for him. But I did really well with just listening. He asked me to stay for supper and to stay the night. (No thanks, I need to go home) He also told me that the truck he drives and uses for his business (in my name) He also makes and has made every payment for the last 4 years. Well he tells me that the bank won't even let him make a payment. they want to talk to me personally. Well I take the next day off from work (paid) and we go to the bank. It is in repossesion and I need to pay it off. Well was I in shock. It was 9 months over due. He did go in with a check prepared to write it for 3 or 4 thousand. Any way it is gonna cost him 6,500 to get it out of repossesion. He thought his daughter had been making the payments. It was crazy in his life all that time. Jail, Probation, work , his daughter and on , on. We got it straighten out and I spent the day driving him (he has no lisence) from place to place on his different jobs. (My decision) He even let me go with him to check in with his probation officer. I really did enjoy spending the day with him. He took off a little early(not like him) and we went shopping, got crab legs to cook for dinner. (of course he also make a stop at liquor store). It was just me and his oldest son and his girl friend. But of course by the time we ate 9:30 he could hardly hold his eyes open. He ask me to stay the night again. I did and well I'm now trying to decide how I'm feeling and why? It's like there were some things I felt a little uncomfortable with. Like going into the liquor store with him. But with me or not he would have went. Spending the night? Well it's like I did want to but scaree at the same time. It's like because all that we have been through together I have a hard time really being able to relax around him. I know that in time I will be able to work through this. I feel like I have slipped a little. As soon as I got home I read in my courage to change to be easy on myself. There will be times like this. While I was there last night. His brother and sister-in law were going to there 2nd N/A meeting. They really seemed to be doing good. Not drinking. Wow I knew they were going (required to get thier two children back) but they seemed like they really want to have a different life. Maybe some will rub off on big brother.as they are very close and talk alot. and last night he was asking them all kinds of questions about what it was like. he is under the impression that it is like his drug counciling classes. I just needed to come here and write this all down, maybe get some ESH and to help me with my program. Because I'm not quitting, I'm am getting better. But I know that this is a life long process. Thanks for listening. I guess I am feeling a little down. But i'm tired and I'm having my grandson over tonight and we are painting. So i'm going to focus on us and think about the other later. Sis
Hi sis, I feel for ya. I know it's hard to let go when you split up and stay "friends". Sometimes I think hatred saves our sanity a little LOL. I can't judge because only you know what is best for you. I would have been upset about the late payments on the truck but it sounds like he got it worked out. Just wondering, why did the two of you split up?
Hey sis, Sounds like you made the choices - did what you wanted to do, didn't do what you preferred not to. That's a big step for (probably) all of us - doing the things we want to do without the guilt or discomfort overwhelming us. Good for you! As you said, there were a few things you were not comfortable with; we are all works in progress. At least now you can identify specifically what caused you to feel that way, and are dealing with it, rather than allowing yourself to be dragged into situation after situation that cause unease and resentment. You go, sis! Take care, many hugs, Marion
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Vocatus atque non vocatus, Deus aderit ("Bidden or not bidden, God is present") - Erasmus
I've been there done that on the truck stuff. I felt burned into the ground personally. I think I got to the point of saying okay so many times. I do not feel okay about it anymore. At the same time I'm stuck as you are in feeling sorry for the A. He has no family, no friends, is ill and totally drowning.
I am absolutely hooked on he needs me. I am also aware that there were times when he did take care of me when I was depressed beyond oblivion and couldn't even get up in the morning......
I am also real clear on my boundaries these days. Today I've been telling him I am burned to the ground and he needs to ask others to help him out. His family are a joke. Last night I spoke to his uncle who is interested but clear he has limits. Either the A has people he worships in people pleasing and who he has no limits with or he has people he totally burns out in his crises.
I've been both at one time the A charmed me immenesely with his "worship": and "people pleasing". That did not go on for ever. Now I do set limits but we are still enmeshed on many many levels.
I'm working on it. I am glad you are putting it all out there. In time some of the program starts to work.
Can't you get the truck turned over into his name or someone in his families name so your out of that one? I would also be holding on to that four thousand he said he was going to put down. That's just me and my opinion. What I have learned with alcoholism from my ah and my dead best friend and also drug addicts like my cousin and brother is that you're the company you keep. I got my ah out of my house. My best friend died but I quit hanging out with her before she got really sick. I NEVER talk to my brother or my cousin. I do not want anyone to think I socialize with these low lifes. Call me shallow but if any of my friends do things I do not approve of within reason then they are out of my life. I am living my life with goodness. I will NEVER be with a man that HAS to have me to live his life. I have children and don't need anymore. Reread what you wrote. IS this really the type of person you want to be with? Aren't you better then that? Your in my prayers ^i^ and I hope you work on yourself.
