The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
my fiance left today for rehab. he went to a facility in fl for 30 days. he made the choice on his own and arranged everything. i just miss him really bad. this is the first time we have ever been apart. however i know its the best thing for him and for us. just heart broken and i know he is struggling too. please give me some words of encouragement. mistyk
The greatest thing is he made all the moves himself. That's very rare and a great accomplishment. I would breath easy because life with an alcoholic you very rarely get to breath easy. Be proud of him and sleep well because he's in great hands right now. It could be 100% worse right now. Wear his shirts, spray on his cologne, write him notes or keep a journal. There are a lot of things you can do to past time. Go to al anon meetings to learn how to live with sobriety. Lots of things change once they get sober. It's getting to know a brand new person. He'll need your strength. Take this time to grow yourself. Be proud sweetie. Keep us posted. We love good news here.
Welcome, so glad you are here. As hard as this time apart is, it truly is a blessing. No matter how difficult the situation, there really are others here who have gone thru similar things. I hope you'll use the board to help you thru this time, there is a lot of experience, strength and hope (ESH) here.
If you aren't very familiar with Alanon I'd recommend reading the book How Alanon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics it will give you a lot of good information.
Please keep coming back. (((((Lots of hugs to you)))))
hi Misty, I'm going to go a different route then others (as usual, hehe)
How about looking at this as a potential miracle in the works? Try being happy that he has chosen this path. LOOK for the good stuff!! To me, one can be heartbroken for so many other terrible reasons. Beating this disease take a WHOLE LOT of inner strength from you and him. You have 30 days to muster up all you have for his return. That's a real gift.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Thank you all for your responses I will continue to reflect on them. I know this is best for the both of us especially our future. He is an incredible guy and this has been something he has wanted to overcome he just knew he could not do it on his own. I'm going to right him letters everyday and encourage him and pray for him as well. By the way, friendofyours I went and put his shirt on. Thank ya'll again I appreciate all the encouragement tremendously. I will utilize this board as a resource. mistyk
HI Misty , good move on boy friends part , now get yourself to some al anon meetings so that you can support him when he comes home. get to as many meetings as possible so that u have some idea of what your dealing with . U will need support when he comes home , sobriety is not the answer to all of lifes problems . It sure helps but he is not the only one who has to change we all do , we had a part in this mess too. For me the best way to support the efforts of a loved one in recovery is to have my own program and learn to stay out of his . goodluck hon . Louise
I agree this is a miracle in the making...and the fact that he arranged this himself, you are one lucky lady.
Best, most healthy thing for you is to attend face to face alanon meetings. Writing every day doesn't sound so healthy to me, but it's your choice. Put the focus back on you ...to me, f2f alanon meetings were like mini spa vacations, I felt indulgent and pampered - great! It was all for ME.
Ditto to all that has been given to you from the other members who have responded to your post. Most important keep coming back and get to open Al-Anon meeting in your area. Look in the white pages of your phone book, the announcement section of your new paper, call your AA central and ask them for a lead, check with the nearest rehab in your area etc. When you get there get as much information that you can get a hold of and read it all. We also have daily readers/reference books that will make the difference in your life.
Hi, I'm sorry you are struggling and feeling alone. If it were me I would take this time to do some things for myself, get to know me and myself and learn how to love myself and enjoy my own company. It really helps even if they are with us all the time to have time for ourselves and our own interests. I've found that this makes me less dependent upon him and less afraid when he is gone (or leaves me emotionally via his drinking). It also gives me the confidence that I will be ok no matter what. That really really helps me in my recovery. Keep posting and writing your feelings. Pray to your HP to get you through another day. Will he be back in 30? Then you have a light at the end of the tunnel. Work on getting yourself healthy and you'll be in a good and healthy place when he returns. big hug to you - you are not alone- your HP is with you and we are here for you too!
As someone with huge abandonment issues I can try to empathise. I feel abandooned apart from the A. At the same time his behavior at times is incredibly difficult to deal with. My own behavior is too.
Maybe now its time to look inward. Many of us get really out there living or dealing with an A. this is a place you can come explore some of that.
It is also a place where you can grieve. I think I have grieved here more than any other place in my life.
I have also been angry here and learned to own my anger. The a's actions anger me. At the same time that anger no longer absolutely consumes and destroys me.
I get numb sometimes too around the A. I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
(((((Misty)))) I'm happy for you that he's in rehab. I understand this is a change for you, too, and that you feel alone. In Al-Anon, we say "this too shall pass." I use that slogan for just about anything I have apprehension for and when I used to be so lonely. He'll be back - and hopefully he'll want to go to lots of meetings. That can cause you to feel alone, too, unless you get involved in making your own life.
It wasn't until I learned that I could live without my A if I had to that I really learned to live with him. I used to focus too much on him (us) instead of myself. Then I realized that I'd better get a life (he had one). That's when our relationship got better. I have the security of knowing that I don't need him anymore. For now, I want him! Never thought that could happen!
I'm really tired right now but just wanted to add my support to the others. It's perfectly natural that you're missing him so be kind to yourself. If you need to keep busy, keep busy. If you need to rest, rest. Do what's best for you.
I personally like to look for the positives in a situation today and it occured to me that it must be better to be missing him because he's out there getting help than missing him because he's out there getting drunk.
Perhaps you could use this time to spoil yourself a little. Give yourself a manicure/pedicure etc (maybe you could get some girls round and have a pyjama/pamper party) Maybe go to lunch or dinner with a friend. Go for a nice walk. Watch a 'chick-flick'. Do something you've wanted to do but somehow never had time.
As previously suggested try to get to meetings, read some literature etc and you'll be better able to understand and support his new-found sobriety. Recovery isn't easy but it is worthwhile and if you're both on a program you'll be doubling your chances of success and future happiness. I wish you well. x Maria x
Welcome to the MIP family. I'm with Christy on this one. He did this himself. He made the choice to go for help. That is so very rare in an addict. Alot of times it comes down to life, death or jail choices for them. What an awsome thing for him to do one his own. GOOD FOR HIM!
Now as for you, your recovery has to be about you and for you, regardless if he chooses sobriety or not. Your recovery is about taking back your life. Please take this time to get to some meetings, learn about the disease, and about your recovery. My AH has been sober over a year now ( ). I can tell you the dynamics of an active relationship vs. a sober one are different. I use my program now more than ever. Keep coming back to us. Read some of the old posts.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <--- the cat
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
GOOD FOR HIM!