The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My life has been a mery-go-round, for the last eight months (more than usual)..lol
Anyway, I have constantly "Let" myself be manipulated, used, etc, by the recovering A in my life. I didn't see it at the time, didnt want to. I know all my family and friends especially in the fellowship, have been trying to point me in the right direction. But "Hey, I'm Happy", I dont need or want to listen to your advice..Leave me alone....lol
So, this week a whole lot of things have changed for me. The A has finally admitted to me, he was using me, and as a result, he is fighting his own concience. This could IF continued affect his soberiety.. After a week of being together, talking,laughing,sharing thoughts and feelings with eachother, having fun, being intimate, we have finally decided "enough is enough". I told him (Honestly lol me), it stops now...
The strange thing is, we have so much loyalty, honesty and trust, this week our friendship has been totally different. It's not all going my way, and I dont like it...lol But I can honestly say, I am watching him struggling, and It's hurting me. I "Feel" Compassion for him. I know, I have been hurting for a long time. He has admitted, he knows "NOW" how much this has affected me. He is seeing it in me for the first time. He seems concerned about my "Feelings". This is all new to me, the guys is an A remember "Selfish".(ok, so can we be too).
Our relationship has turned slightly. We care in our own way about eachother, we can read one another like a book.. lol It's so unreal..
What I'm finding today is a HUGE wow to me..........I'm Okay "Just for today".....I'm okay without him..... When this usually happens, we split, all I do Is cry my eyes out for days. NOT this time.
He said to me this week..."See it for what it is"....Maybe I have done. I don't regret the time we have had together, the fun, laughter, intimacy, tears... It has all been a lesson to me, a part of my growing.
No-one likes pain and suffering... But I have come "Through" it. I also said to him, who's the stronger person between us two today... He replied YOU are Ally...And Yes I am.......I'm on my programme, working with my sponsor, doing meetings, using the tools of al-anon, and OMG its working for me.
Yes I will be sad this part of the friendship is over, But we had it together, we have lots of great memories. We are still friends (Better), and we are still here for eachother. We have agreed to keep our distance for a few weeks, no contact. He told me he will "Probly" come back to me, make contact with me, and I "NEED" to tell him got get lost....(Here's where I need to say no).
He said he has a programme, but he's not perfect, and he has a weakness, and it shows when he's near me.....Okay......I guess I have It too.. But In order to let this go, one of us needs to be the strong one...And looking at him today, It's NOT him.
Today is a funny (Weird) day for me....I feel nothing...numb. I have kept busy ALL day, been away from the house, away from him.....I am scared also, as I do not usually react like this, well I have not reacted at all... No tears, no pity pot...lol Anyone ever been here??????
I haven't been on much and I am sure I have missed many of your posts... but it's funny when I realized that life is just as good (and sometimes better) even if it doesn't turn out the way you thought. I was shocked that it took me so long to figure that out.
But life is not a sprint.... its an endurance race. :) There will be many new twists and turns ... and you get there when you get there.
You sound strong and confident... and you should be. You are smart and you have a league of friends to support you. You will be just fine, which ever direction you are to lead.
So glad you posted that wonderful message.... it was very inspiring.
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
...I'm on my programme, working with my sponsor, doing meetings, using the tools of al-anon, and OMG its working for me.
