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My mother has done a ton of things that would make you shake your heads in total disbelief. So here's the last epidsode of her craziness. My brother who is a heroin addict (pain killers as well) was living with her. She let him stay for the money he was giving her $1000's a month. Her mortgage is only $400 and she's ALWAYS telling everyone how poor she is...whine, sorrow, pitty. So she talked him into applying for food stamps. She even lied saying he never recieved it and he should call, she did this for months and the whole time SHE was using HIS foodstamps for herself. He doesn't know. SO she called me today and said "I guess Lennie changed his passcode because the card won't work anymore" and I said "your using HIS foodstamps?" and she said "hell yes, he owes me" (EVERYBODY owes my mother, the world, God, you name it they owe her) so I said "what your doing is wrong and it's illegal" and she turned into a pitbull and started cussing at me saying how I didn't know the whole story, blah blah blah. No one in our family will talk to her. She's so bitter, negative. She uses everybody and everything. She never says please or thank you. She comes over to my house so I cook her dinner and wait on her. I'm done with doing that. My other brother and sister hate talking to her. I am so sick of her. I can't even talk to her without hating her for the things she says and does. She has NOTHING good to say about anyone. Not even her own grandchildren. How did she get this way? She's not an alcoholic but she's labeled everyone in our family as pill poppers and addicts....no one is but my brother. She goes to ALL the food pantries around town to "load up" and that pisses me off because there are people out there who really need it. SHould I call and turn her in? What should I do? She should be stopped. Let me know what you think. She does this junk ALL the time. Thanks.
What your mom is doing may or may not be fraudulent, illegal, or both. You can have her investigated if you wish, but sounds to me like this is a problem between Mom and your brother. Let them handle it. Back away. Your relationship with your mom is toxic. You do not have to associate with her, but she is your mother. Keep that in mind, and stay a respectful distance away from her.
As long as you keep coming back for more, she is going to keep dishing it out. Tell her that perhaps another day and another time in your life will be better, and you are sorry but you cannot deal with her now. Sharing blood does not make us immune from the unkindnesses of others. Look to your happiness and that of your children first.
Take care,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
When dealing with our A, we are advised to neither cause a crisis, nor try to prevent one that is in the nautural course of events. Seems to me that this would apply in this situation, too. Just stand back - if she is heading for a fall she will get one, without any help from you. Limiting contact with her until you feel more able is probably a good move.
Ugh, that's a tough one. But I lean toward the previous thought, you have your hands full with the kids and being on your own so much. Just thinking about your mother must make your blood boil, and what you really need is peace.
Whether to report her or not is something you don't have to decide now. I agree it is fraud and wrong, but I hate for YOU to feel like it's on you to take responsibility for this. Your bro and your mom are real people who need to deal with their lives, and thankfully you have your own good one. Take care of you first :)
I retired from USDA some years ago, and I can assure you that what she's doing is illegal according to Federal/State regulations.
If your brother changed the code, then it sounds to me like maybe he knows what's been going on - he must have had a reason to change it.
Hopefully, her days of using his food stamps are over unless she can find the new code.
It's up to you as to whether you report it or not. The food stamps were your brother's so it was his responsibility to protect his food stamps. Food stamps are like money and can be stolen.
Usually, the people at the food pantries eventually "catch on" to people who abuse their services.
According to what I've learned in Al-Anon (& Toby Rice Drew's Getting Them Sober books) - if your name isn't on it, it's not yours.
Sounds to me like you need to detach from her and limit your contact with her until your anger subsides. After that, you may or may not be able to detach with love.
Take what you like and leave the rest -- take care of YOU.
Thank you and your all right. My sister says I need to detach like she has but for some reason I can't. She is 70 years old and I feel sorry for her because she has NO friends and the few she calls friends barely like her. She makes such a fool of herself. I guess when she dies I don't want to be mad at myself for not being her friend regaurdless and I know that day will come. I'm terrifies of the could of, would have, and should have's. I'm scared that once she's dead I will regret cutting her off. My children adore her because they are not old enough to catch on to what she is. MY friends can not stand her and neither does my husband. He says she is the lowest of lows. (He's one to talk huh?) I'm going to make it a point to not call her and when she calls and bitches about whoever I am going to make myself busy to get off the phone. Thank you all so much. Your right, your right, your right. It's my brother and mother's problem not mine. She did this to me when I was 18. She filed for foodstamps in my name and was recieving them for over three years and I was totally unaware. Maybe that's why I am more involved then I should be. I felt violated.
"Cutting her off" is not exactly what I had in mind FOY. You can limit your time with her, detach from her ways that you do not like, and still remain her daughter. You are there if she truly needs you, just not on an every-day basis. Stay out of the drama. I understand you do not want to be ridden with guilt should she go on to meet her "maker." But you don't have to feel that way. Keep a safe distance, but do not cut her completely out of your life. In the end it is the blood that counts.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Diva, Your quote: Sharing blood does not make us immune from the unkindnesses of others. Your other quote: In the end it is the blood that counts. So which is it??? lmbo
Seriously. You can not have it your way with her. It's Black or white. You rather have to listen to her crap and bitching and whining or cut her off completley. Seems like she's worse day by day. Oh my gosh I am so tired I have no idea what I've written. Good night.
Diva, Your quote: Sharing blood does not make us immune from the unkindnesses of others. Your other quote: In the end it is the blood that counts. So which is it??? lmbo
Can't see where you have a problem with my the two quotes above. They do not oppose one another. They are both true statements of fact. Our relatives can and often do hurt us, but in the end, blood is thicker than water. Simple. No rocket science there.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
