The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was here many months before, some of you may remember. I stopped coming because I wasn't ready at that time to fully accept my husbands problems with addictions. After a brief seperation back in 2006, I again thought we could make our marriage survive. I could compromise with him, I could lower my standards a weebit. I could...you all know the story.
And here I am again. I've heard many times that Alchoholism is a progressive disease. I have never understood that as well as I do today. On a daily basis our life has become about his rapid steps downward to his rock bottom - while I fight the suctioning current that invites me to go with him.
So now this day is about acceptance.
My husband is an alchoholic and my life has become unbearable with him. And today I accept that.
We have a 3 year old son. I've been wanting so badly for his sake to make things work, but of course as many of you have already learned, making a marriage work on account of the kids, isn't going to happen.
I have managed to keep a few tools from Alanon that I've learned along the way including acknowledging to myself that I cannot control his drinking or any other symptom of his addiction problem. This has made my husband hostile and borderline unstable. He has now concocted that I am having an affair, that it all makes sense to him now, that he can't trust me. He has created a complete story including what I've done, with whom, etc. I am in complete disbelief that this is where is at now, but at the same time, I know that this is his way of preventing looking at the core problem. If he can blame the demise of our marriage on me, then he doesn't have to look at himself. I believe he is so "sick" right now, that he believes what he's saying. He told me that "it doesn't matter if it is true or not, it's what I believe, so the truth doesn't really matter." It is very, very sad, to see him like this and to not be able to talk sensibly. This is a man who is a professional in the Social Services field. A smart man. And evidently a very, very ill man.
We are living seperate now and I intend to focus on ME and my son and just do what needs to be done, one day at a time. Today for the first time this summer, I played in the kiddie pool with my son and we had ice cream on the deck, and I snuggled with him in a towel. It was great. I look forward to a more serene life for myself, where I can enjoy simple pleasures like that again.
I will look into Alanon f2f meetings again, once things simmer down and I can make the childcare arrangments. For now, this board is what I have.
Hi Rora, I remember you, we joined at about the same time.
I first came to Alanon three years ago when my A had his first relapse since the start of our relationship. Then, back in Feb of this year I came back just in time for me to get some amazing support while watching my husband swirl down the drain. It sounds dramatic, and it was :D .
Life was so unbearable with him. Every Alanon tool I could use, even poorly, it was enough. I see you too got out of it SANE. Your post sound so sane. Thank God!!
It's sobering and humbling too. How in creation did survive this disease? It's only been a month since he's been gone, and the relief and peace still surprises me. It's so new I can't be objective enough to write about it yet (and make sense), but its GOOD. I have to go back to work, downscale on the goats, and change about everything else in my life too. I'll do it with bells on, too, my life is no longer being constantly harassed and hurt by this disease.
Your little boy will so benefit from your experience and growth. What a blessing to have the time you had with him today.
I loved reading about you and your son. I am so proud of you for thinking of you and the boy and getting your life back.
There is nothing more beautiful to me than seeing and hearing my daughter with her boy.
You being a strong mom, being there, setting boundaries, loving him but still being boss when he is a teen, will be the best for him. Have a disease tear you up makes it all so much harder.
Many wondeful parents are doing their best to do that. But I was not one willing to do that either.
We can let our A's go. We never know what the future will bring. I told my son, his dad could come see him anytime. I never said bad things about him. He knew he was sick. But he more knew, he played beautiful guitar, was a hard worker, was funny, handsome, but for some reason he could not come around.
I did not take any responsibility for that. HE could have reqested monitored visits. I had a R order on him. ONE night he was horrible, thru furniture, and stuff, I got the kids out of bed, grabbed our Great Dane and our cats and we all ran next door in our jammies and nightgowns.
I did not have alanon. But I never stopped loving him.
My kids are great. My son does not buy it was the drugs that kept him away. Actually I don't know what he thinks did.. have to ask him.
anyway I am glad you are here. You have taken such a couragious step. I wish I could hear you two giggling. My girl was here with my Sprout, he is fifteen months now. Those two are both the busiest people, riding a bike with a trailor for him, takes him to the beach... I hope you have support.
(((((Rora))))) Welcome back. So good to hear from you and to see that you are taking time to focus on yourself and take care of you. This disease sure isn't pretty, we here know all too well. I find myself in a similar situation to you, as before. Reaching out to those in recovery is the best thing I ever did for myself, and I have to keep reminding myself of that, sometimes daily! Be good to yourself, you and your sweet son soooo deserve it.
