The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
the service for the 17 year old who died from an an overdose was today. why do some get a chance and others don't. I am awake again at 3am. My daughter and her friend feel some what guilty since they were there and couldn't help him enough when he stopped breathing. I hope the others get another chance now, but I know when I lost a close friend at her age, I drank and partied more, and finally ended up in detox at age 20. I have not had a drink since, though I have tried just smoking the wacky weed. That didn't work either. Survivors guilt is real and I live with it still at times. I just hope they don't do anything stupid and maybe even agree to getting help. I am scared to death, I don't trust her boy friend, he has been in trouble lots of times, not sure of what he is capable of. He feels very gulit, since he was tripping along with him. My daughter called me up when she was drunk, she is scared as well. I pray she gets help because as is very obvious this disease can kill you. The 3 c's, I sure wish I could change things and make them alright. The path she is on is a rough one. I am in recovery now and can only be a good example, but I will tell you I wish I could have had a bottle of something to make me forget. Glad I didn't. Well off to try and rest, hopefully sleep.. I do now know why my mother drank and took valium every day when we were teens. I pray for this young kids, and hope another life is not lost so early. thanks for being here, or there.
Grief is a process. I've learned that when I don't go through it, it keeps coming back to me. It's much better to be present and live through the grief rather than numb yourself. Your post reminded me of my dad (the A in my life). Like you, he did not want to live through all the pain that all of us must endure through parts of our life. It was torture for me and my siblings and as a result, I am here. I don't want to preach to you, and I have no control over what choices you make, but know that you have the ability to make the choices (with the help of your HP), the healthy choices, not only for yourself, but as an example to the next generation.
Please, if you haven't already, get to an Alanon meeting. Make your life a priority. Know that you are an example to your children, even when you think they are not watching what you do in any given situation. They are!
A little side story (which does not compare to what you and your daughter are going through). One of my son's girlfriend (who he loved sooooooo much) broke up with him. He came home devastated by this loss. Other family members told me "leave him alone" when they saw his face. "uh, uh, this wise ole mother thought." He was in the throws of grief over this loss. I went into his bedroom where he was crying his eyes out and laid down next to him and let him cry, I encouraged him to cry, I brought a box of tissues, I told him that I knew it hurt really bad and that it will for a while, I hugged him and rubbed his back as he sobbed (and I sobbed with him). He told me "Mom, but I love her." I told him "Honey, I love her too." Validation. Well it was a long, rocky month, full of tears, no eating, isolating (except when I wouldn't let him). It's all part of the grief process.
After a time, "time does heal" many many wounds, but it's not time that does the healing, it's what we do with that time. He did come out of the grief and I know that he was grateful to have me by his side.
Prior to Alanon, I might have listened to the other family members and let him "be" to grieve alone, and he and I will never forget how we both felt as a result of being there for each other. I hope this helps you and your daughter.
Keep coming, keep posting, yours in recovery, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I was on a different end. My ah drank and my best friend died in Aug 06 and it has caused me to not drink. I also had friend who were into things I have only heard or read about and I didn't cave into peer presure. Something like what your daughter went through may wise her up. I had a friend at 18 who OD'd on cocaine, I never touched it. I adored this guy, he was one of my best friends. Hopefully your daughter will learn from other's mistakes. I doubt she'll be that stupid again. ...I probably wouldn't be having her hanging out with the other girl though, that's just my motherly opinion. Good luck. :)
