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Hello It's been a while since I posted, but I'm still around.
In case any of you don't know my story... My ex-husband is an alcoholic and cocaine addict. I divorced him because I couldn't stand by and let him take me down with him. He nearly did take me down financially. I'm on my own now, struggling to make ends meet and keep up with his debt. He's been ordered to pay me support payments but hasn't made any payments yet. I just heard through a friend that his truck was reposessed, he was kicked out of the place he was staying, and he's riding a bike to a job at a laundromat.
I shouldn't even think about it... but I'm wondering... how low does an alcoholic need to get before they hit bottom?! He has nothing. He's apparently working a minimum wage job... riding a bike for transportation. I'd say that's pretty low. He came from a nice family. We had a nice house, nice things, a nice life. He decided that drugs and alcohol were more important than having a nice home and a wife. I just don't get it. I guess I never will. I've moved on and I'm dating a really great guy. My house is still for sale and I just had my first offer yesterday. I'm keeping my fingers crossed about that. I don't have or want to have any contact with my ex. It's a relief for me not to worry constantly about where he is and what he's up to. So, basically, I think I just needed to get this out and let it go.
Thanks for listening! Artygirl.
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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
I often wonder this myself as I always think my A has hit rock bottom but never quits. I haven't posted inwhile or haven't gone to any meetings. I need some help as I just found out that my A is not only an A but a gambler also. I trusted him to pay the bills and left it all to him. The bills are paid but I have just found out that he has gambled away more than $25,000. anywhere between 6months to a year. I have an appointment with an attorney on Tuesday and hope to get some advice as to what to do. I know my A is depressed as he sits in his chair all day. I can't reach him. Help.
I sometimes don't think there is a 'rock bottom' that's just a saying. Mine was pretty low but is still drinking and went back a few times. He is losing a great wife, beautiful kids, nice home, truck was new (now has been wrecked). Sounds like yours is trying to prove a point. You are the enemy because YOU stood in his way. Sometimes they think that if we would have just let them alone and have their drugs and drinks that things would have been just fine. We are the one's that stood in their way so they will make sure that we get nothing. They like to have no responsibilites, no gas bills (bike) no room and board...the pooer they are the less they have to give anyone. Your doing the best thing that you could do and that's living happy because THAT is the best revenge of all. You can not make them realize that life can be beautiful. Sometimes they also do things like this because they think they should suffer from the hurt they have caused everyone. There is just no way of knowing. If he gets tired of that life then he will come around, if not then its his loss. I wish you the best and you keep on bettering yourself. Breath in that fresh air and Thank the Lord that it's not you on that bicycle! I'm glad you are dating. Good girl. I wish you lots of luck in love ;)
Dead is as low as some go. Artygirl, I remember seeing you around but didn't know your story, thanks for telling it! My A is also couch surfing (and leaving his stuff all over town so I hear today) and driving a 71 Chevy flatbed not meant to go anywhere but to the dump. He can't come within 300 yards of the property boundary or me once outside it. It's a very very small town, and likely the only friends he has are the chronic drunks and drug addicts. He's one of them now, I guess.
I'm sitting on 20 acres of raw timber we turned into the neatest little farm and filled with all kinds of creatures. Not to mention his "toys", snowmobile, ATVs, motorcycle. And how about the joys of marraige? Closeness, making love, talking, just feeling better that the other is in the world. I'm sitting here ALONE (well, the only homo sapien) because he chose the life he's living right now. Chose it as sure as anything I'm sure of. He's been living this life style for a year now except he got to come "home" to sleep, eat and apologize between binges.
All that is gone. And he is still out there. I don't think he's living free and easy, he's on the highway to hell. And for the life of me, I just wonder why??? What kind of mental short circuit happens to make a person choose to live so low? This is where I believe it must be a disease.
When I worked in the rehab, the docs would toss around statistics about recovery. Half the addicts and alcoholics who end up in rehab relapse within the year. About half of that make it to five years.
This disease has a higher mortality rate than Ebola (well, hyperbole aside :D). And we wonder how low they can go? All the way, I think.
This is pretty close to home for me right now. It's been on my mind. It's a terrible thing to watch.
that is a great question. As all of our answers conclude- there is no logic in this disease. My AH says his new low was being hung over, sick and nauseated while he forced down vodka. I hope that is his answer to "how low can you go?" but it is really between him and his HP and his disease. I think that the real answer is - Lower than any sane person could ever imagine. I know for myself that I can not continue to bear witness to this activity if it goes lower. thats how low I can go.
Jeanne
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In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.- Daniel L. Reardon
The bottom is different for each and every alcoholic. Just as our lowest points The bottom is different for each and every alcoholic. Just as our lowest points were diferent before we came to Alanon. Some of us came after a DUI or jail time. Some don't come until after they've been physically beaten. Some cuz we were just damn sick of it. There's all kinds of different tolerance levels.
The first thing I thought of when you said he was riding his bike to work for minimum wage is that the minimum wage job probably sustains the disease and that's all that matters. He may not even notice where his life is as long as that next drink is available. They not only deny they have a problem, but deny they have sunk beyond what even they thought possible.
Christy
-- Edited by Christy at 01:23, 2007-07-07
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Hey girl, you KNOW my story!!! and I wonder the same thing all the time can he get any lower???? I guess no one can say how low another will let themselves sink!
I've heard alcoholism compared to an elevator going down. Someone can get off at any floor. One can get off after the FIRST drink which has "alcoholic features", one can get off after they anger a few people. Another may go down the alcohol elevator and get off when he/she's almost lost their family or job. Another may take it down to where they end up with a jail sentence over it. Another may take it all the way down to death.
It's an individual decision on how low one will take the elevator. or where one will choose to get off. It's their friends and family's decision to decide how far we will ride it down with them.
