The material presented
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Am i the raving "loon" my A b/f has been calling me for the last two weeks... sometimes in reflection i think he may be right. After three years of trying to help him fight his addiction , i thought he had cracked it ... sober for 6 months , i did everything i could possibly do to make him happy ... new hobby ( online racing in a team ) , bought him the best steering wheel on the market , and the extras he needed to play . Whatever he wanted , he got it , even if it meant i had to do without . He now has a new job , new friends , great boss , and i dont matter anymore . I'm not wanted , not allowed to join the "club" he has become an active member of ... The "go lets have some fun" club ... why?.... because i'm boring , because he wants his life back, because i USED to be fun to be around ,because i have baggage (2 daughters who aren't his ),because i'm not a woman .. i'm a LOON He came home after work drunk so i asked him to leave this evening , he did with his belongings .. and his parting comment " my work mates have been telling me all week to get out , they think you're crazy too " I know it's for the best , but why do i have to stop myself from crying ... after all the hurtful things he said , i should hate him .. i know i deserve better , but what if he's right ... what if i am crazy ? I've become someone he doesn't like , and that is breaking my heart in two ...
I can hear your pain in your post...I have been in a similar position for a long time. Letting myself be pulled in two directions by a Recovering Alcoholic. One min, Im good enough for him to sleep with, he enjoys it, and me, he likes me..Then the next, he doesnt want me. He's after the physical side only, And that makes me feel like sh*t.
I have constantly went back to him, time after time, Hoping that he will finally feel the same as I do for him. I have just put myself in the position with him again. Its fun we get on well. Then, he's having a hard time, hitting a bottom a and WOW..I am pushed, so far from his life, its all a merry -go -round.....
So, this week I am suffering again.. Why cant he love me, whats wrong with me, am I not good enough for him, am I not pretty enough, bla, bla bla, I could go on and on.
Eventually.....lol....I am seeing him for who he is, a selfish, aroggant, recovering A, who does NOT love me, does NOT want a relationship with ANYONE, not just me. Because he is NOT able to have one...
I am being supported and loved by my family and the fellowship, I have friends on both sides who are helping me to realize This is NOT About him....This is all about me. I am the one who NEEDS to recover.
You might be crazy......Join the club.. We are all sick and insane, but NO-ONE is any better than you, HE is the one losing out here.
TRY, and stay with al-anon, come here, post, listen, work on YOU, and leave everything else for a while.....
You "Deserve" to be happy, loved, treated with respect and right now your NOT getting that......WOW, I think I have just told that to both of us..lol
Al-Anon does work, if you work it...Give it a few weeks....Its easy to let ourselves be treated like this, and becuase we love them, we do it time after time, BUT sometime we NEED to stop and say NO!!!!!
Hi Cytagirl. I've felt plenty crazy in my relationship with an alcoholic/drug addict. It's part of being with them, it's a disease that affects anyone who is close.
Those little girls of yours deserve a mother who is whole and healthy, not listening to a drunk call their mother terrible names. I have to wonder how he treats them? And how it affects them.
You probably aren't crazy, I'm a nurse and I used to do psychiatry :D you just sound exhausted, overwhelmed, and beaten down by a drunk. You've come to the right place for sure.
Try and get to an Alanon meeting, and see how many in the room with you will knod at your story, we've all been there pretty much. It may not be politically correct to say, but it's the alcoholic who's crazy, rather "insane" is the word used in the AA literature. My alcoholic also "made up" terrible, insulting things to say to me about my body or my personality that supposedly other's said too. Ah God that hurt, but it makes more sense that he made it up on the spot to distract me from confronting him about his substance abuse. They'll say anything to justify themselves when they are deep in the disease. They are miserable, irritable, paranoid, and terrified. They don't want to know they have a problem, so they blame others.
Understanding this makes the blows less powerful, less personal. Take care dear, keep us posted on what's going on with you.
Why do you allow this drunken bf to treat you with disrespect? Aren't you and your two precious children worth more than that? I think you need to take a long, hard look at what you posted, and begin to realize this guy doesn't want you OR your two children. Your best bet is to move on to a positive life without his interference.
I am not advising you, just offering my opinion, which is ALWAYS right!!!!!!
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND, I WAS WITH "BOY" WHO CHEATED ON ME FOR A YEAR AND I LOVED HIM SO MUCH I THOUGHT THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG, HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO ME? AND I FINALLY LEFT AND REALIZED BEING WITH HIM I HAD BECOME SOMEONE I DIDNT LIKE!!! IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT HE LIKES YOU HAVE TO LIKE YOURSELF!!
I know it hurts, and hurts BADLY. If he's recovering, he IS changing, and changing rapidly. Hopefully, YOU are changing too through your recovery. The problem though is that you've still got the label of the "nag" while he was drinking, you were (probably) enabling as well as disapproving, with all of the behaviors that got you to Alanon. So... he still thinks of you that way, whereas he has found for himself that there IS a life out there in a world that is not dulled with booze. So, he may find that more exciting.
I don't think there are any answers. You and he may grow back together, with or without the need for a trial separation. Or, you may need to go your separate ways. In any case, you deserve better than a life with someone who doesn't even LIKE you enough to have you part of his social group.
Of course, there's the possibility this is more than what you think, and it's another thing to hide from that "Alanon boat anchor" (booze, somehow). If THAT'S the case, you deserve a LOT better than that.
....Join the club.. We are all sick and insane, but NO-ONE is any better than you, HE is the one losing out here.
