The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well the saga with my codependent neighbor continues. She has kicked up a huge fuss about the kitchen so only she can cook her huge meals for her entourage. She left a really cyptic public note for me which I didn't appreciate. So now I have taken to just saying "hello" to her no more no less.
I have to say this is an improvement for me. Before I would have been off on some rageathon about who is she? I would also have analyzed to death why she is back stabbing everyone in sight. Then I would have had a drama in 4 parts about that she has someone stayng with her.
I'm not sure why I could never simply move my boundaries up in the past. For whatever reason I chose to repeat sagas from my childhood. I know a lot changed for me when I refused to gossip anymore with my younger sister about my older sister.
This woman also gossips about everyone from the landlord to the manager and back. That was me too full of overinvolvement and needing to know in order to feel in control. I don't actually need to know what the landlord's wife is like I know full well he is greedy without knowing what she is or what she looks like.
The irony for me is that I used to be grateful for attention from people like her because I was unable to give myself any kind of nuturing attention.
Last night she tried to engage me and I cut it off. I don't need to set a full scale war with her but her non stop complaints about me are wearing. I don't want to give her any kind of mixed message that I need that kind of stuff in my life. I don't. I have enough going on.
On Friday night the manager came up to me and asked me if I knew about some stuff that was left in the back yard. I answered by saying. I leave at 6:00 a.m. I wouldn't know. I am also tired of his blowing up at me about the complaints. As I don't have good boundaries people seem to think they can blow up on me and I'll still be ok by it. I'm not anymore. I'm tired of it. So I dont' engage with him either. How he runs the house, who put what in the back yard is his business not mine. Right now my priority is to get some bills paid and to have other choices rather than live in a madhouse.
I'm so glad I get to practice boundaries and reflect on them rather than continue to live in boundarylessness all my life. I know where that gets me.
Sorry to hear your going through this mess. You seem to have a handle on it and will not play into their games. You hit the nail on the head with your replies. These people need to be validated. I hope you find another place that you can go soon so you can live in peace. Thanks for sharing and venting here. :)
Sounds like you're working your program. How would we learn if we didn't have someone to practice on? I tell my HP, "okay, I've had enough practice - move me or move them".
Seriously, when I first came to Al-Anon, I didn't know I had other options. Sometimes a sponsor even had to point out to me what the other options might be. Then, after I agreed that I had options, I was afraid to choose one and act on it when the time was right. (Sometimes, the option was to do nothing but pray and the situation straightened out by itself)
I don't know what options you have, but you sound like you have the strength to cope well with whatever it is.
In the meantime, take care of yourself by being good to you and continuing to enforce your boundaries.
