The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think yesterday I finally got some energy back. It's a weird feeling, feeling essentially good, reasonably hopeful, and yet having NO ENERGY. I have always had a hard time reading my body's messages to me, and accepting it's needs.
So I'm chillin' in a nice clean house and get a call from the sheriff's office that a sheriff and the A are outside the locked gate wanting in so he can get some of his belonging.
I yammer at the dispatcher on the phone -- nicely -- and ask her to please make a note this is the third time in 3 days the A has approached me to get something, including the episode where he tried to take the car. She wasn't aware, and told me to be sure to inform the sheriff b/c he was unaware as well.
Very nice sheriff. Completely bamboozled by the A's charming self, lot's of his responses were "Oh, I wasn't aware of that." Long story short, the A made off with four giant garbage bags of his clothing and the 71 chevy one ton that has no tags or insurance.
After the sheriff talked to me for quite a while, asking questions, allowing me to tell him my fears that the A is obsessive and persistent and wouldn't leave me alone, which is why the RO is in place to begin with. He was receptive, and promised that no sheriff would fall for it again and a court order would be required for the A to come back. I hope he follows through.
Anyway, after they left the goats were bellowing because I was about an hour late to milk and grain them. They are very much able to tell time. I have a newly hatched chick that fell out of the nest and chilled who I'm seeing if I can nurse back to health in the house, and the newborn bottle baby goats in the house also were convinced they were starving to death. Even the dogs got their food late. Everyone was upset and worried . . . but I was just fine.
In fact I felt as if the A had not come by at all, as if we had a very normal evening of chores, checking, watering and feeding.
Before I'd been actively using the program tools, an episode like this would have sent me over the edge with anger and anxiety. I call the A obsessed, well I can do some serious obsessing myself, at least as well as he does, but I did not. I barely thought about it, it barely ruffled a single feather on me.
I am kind of amazed that I just 'let it go'. Perhaps it was because the sheriff was compassionate and listened to me tell him about the A, why I have the RO, a little of the past and why I need protection from him. Perhaps because he has 99% of his clothing and no further excuses to come by. But I am not clinging to whether or not he comes by again. Knowing the A, he will. But I don't seem to need divine Assurance (or even legal ones) that promise the A will leave me alone from now on. I think this is much more realistic, and entirely an answer to prayer.
It is possible to endure "harassment", defensive fear, and anger over very real annoyances from the A, and not lose my program. I don't have to cling to how wrong the A is, how the sheriff's office is being manipulated by the A. It's obvious, HP knows about it, and the rest is up to HP anyway. My job is to put one foot in front of the other and take care of me/farm. The rest is being taken care of.
Just a little ESH "share" for Sunday morning! Thanks for listening :)
Great job of acceptance and letting go! I am so proud of the way you handled that! Letting go of what you needed to and taking care of yourself! Sweeeet!
Oh ((HONEY)) What a day. It's a good thing that you have the goats--I have dachsunds who can tell time too; they watch MASH and they think it's the greatest thing since sliced bread. ((HONEY)) Please keep us posted. Such a stressful situation
Poor goats. hehehe I think it's nice that you have things (animals) that need you that are worth taking care of. That's how I look at my children. There are some good things worth taking care of left in the world who need us and appreciate us. I hope that Sheriff made note and your ah doesn't show back up tomorrow to. Geesh, talk about obsessive. Your in my prayers girlie.
Kim was neat reading your experience. Isn't it cool when the skills just become part of us!? We have so many runs at it where we still do the same stuff, then we start practicing them, then we say "oh crap" why did i do that again? Next thing we know, we just do it. NO thoughts, nothing, it is part of our reality.
Good for you for standing up to the Sheriff guy. Even though he was nice, some don't like to be "explained to" as they are macho and know everything. I am so glad he listened and took you seriously.I was always so darn frustrated when it seemed these supposed professionals were tricked by the A.
Doctors, therapists, P>O officers, cops, everyone. Alcoholism should be taught in schools and colleges. It affects us all eh?
Oh hope your chick is ok. I would stick it in my bra if I wore one...(c: warmth is the key as you know. Maybe give it some warmed up egg yolk and water.
Your gaats must be so cute. Now do you bottle feed them as long as they would have nursed off mom? 4 mo>??
thank you for keeping us updated. I would hate to have to call the calvary to come save you!!! But then.... hmmm men in uniform.>>
I was pleasantly surprised at how the tools got used "automatically", I sorta felt like I was watching myself at times.
Me too Maresie, me too. I think I am just so "done" with this guy, I'm no longer hoping he'll transmogrify into the man I married, I just got totally burned out and POOF something shifted inside me. I'm not saying having hope is a bad thing. The A's behavior just put it out like a candle flame. I didn't decide "consciously", it's more like I recognized I was done after the fact. Kinda weird.
I do not want to live with a person who "might" do this again. And the outrageousness of his behavior, the danger he put others into, not to mention me, just turned the whole thing off. I was wishing he was not the person he is. But, he is.
Deb, I did put the chickie in my bra! But the poor thing felt like a cold noodle, and I have baby guinea keets so I put him under the light and slowly he's coming around. I named him Chilly Willy, and I hope he makes it, I hate to put little things down.
Bottle fed goats get bottles until they are four or five months old, I have a five month old who seems "short" so I'll probably give her a bottle until she's bred in the fall, if she'll take it. She probably will! If the baby is on the mom, I let her decide when to wean.
It's got to be hard for cops/P.O.'s etc to work with the people they work with. Most who run afoul of the law have slick manipulative personalities, and it's no wonder many get jaded and cynical. So far, the sheriff's around here have been more on the compassionate side, perhaps a little "too nice". If I had to choose, I guess I'd rather them be a little on the softer side for MY sake. I'd hate to have them see me as just another hysterical battered woman. But the downside is I'll have to "wait" until the A works them all over before they get a clue that he's TROUBLE. Oh well.
The PD's in my area in FL are being trained to help battered women instead of thinking of them as hysterical and putting them down. I hope other states are doing this as well.
Years ago, in another state, I had called 9ll. I was afraid of my dry AH who had grabbed my keys and was acting like a mad man. When the deputy came, I was standing in my yard, afraid to go into the house. The Deputy went into the house and my AH was on the sofa pretending to be asleep.
The Deputy came out and ordered me into the house. I just stood there and said, "I'm afraid of what he'll do - I want him out." I told the Deputy that my name was the only name on the title of the house. The Deputy looked at me like I was a crazy, hysterical woman, and said " this is a community property state." I didn't think it was (it wasn't) but wasn't positive at the time, so I went back into the house. My AH had left my keys on the coffee table and was still pretending to be asleep, so I quietly left for the night.
I believe my HP was taking care of me because I know many women years ago were beaten for calling the PD. The PD back at that time (my first marriage) did absolutely nothing.
Now the PD's seem to be doing a much better job and have better domestic violence training.
I'm so glad this turned out okay for you, even though it was quite an inconvenience. Hard for me to imagine a deputy being too nice when in the past some of them were so abusive themselves.
I called the police on the A in California when he kept hanging around the house and banging on the doors and windows (during a meth relapse). One cop came in to talk to me, and irritably chewed me out. "We can't make him leave, this is his home. Did you invite him to live here? Do you have a landlord contract with him? We can't do anything." The other cop was outside talking to the A, who was obviously still tweaking and jerking, smelled strongly of alcohol.
In the end, one cop accompanied him in the house to get some belongings, escorted him out into the street, and left. The A came back banging on the windows and doors again. The neighbor guy eventually came outside and threatened to knock some sense into him, and since he was bigger than the A, the A finally left.
I expected the same treatment from the sheriffs up here, but instead got understanding and assistance. Idaho is just now getting real about domestic violence, so perhaps this is why.
Letting go of what you needed to and taking care of yourself! Sweeeet!