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The other day when ah and I talked (yelled) I explained that I wanted to do the divorce as civil as possible but he had to keep throwing things into the fire and one of them has me so mad. He seems to think that since he calls himself a "recovering alcoholic" that he will be able to take the kids on the weekends. I want supervised visitations because I now know he is still drinking. Has anyone ever gone through this in the court system and what do they do? He financially strapped us this paycheck too, leaving me with $20 for gas. Nice huh? He promised our kids he would be here no matter what to celebrate their birthday and his last text was "I'll be there", he never showed up and they are so hurt. I hope all the things he does will show through in court. He is so mad he has to pay ME child support. He has five children with three different woman. He doesn't pay for one of the children or see him, and is court ordered to pay another and doesn't..... and doesn't see her. So guess what fate is in store for mine? But yet he says he loves them and will fight me! I'm sorry but this divorce is not going to be civil. Want to know the saddest thing about all of this? It's ironic..............I married my father! My dad did the EXACT thing to me. I know what my children feel and it really bothers me. I've told ah this, I told him that they will eventually hate him if he doesn't step up and show that he cares about them by his actions. Thanks for letting me vent. Any advice???
Friend of yours.. I am sitting here feeling your pain. Divorce sucks. My marriage is just about there. He did great for 28 days and then messed it al up again. I know I am also worried about the visitations with the kids. I am not sure how oldyour kids are. Mine ar 8, 4 and 2. I want supervised visits but I know he will never go for that. I don't know how it works exactly. I guess we will both be finding out soon. Good luck to you.
Mine are 7,6,6. I have alot of proof that he's an alcoholic so I'm hoping that helps. I just kinda sit back and let him screw himself up. I have family and friends that can contest to what I say is true about him. He has no one. Mine was sober for about seven months, then six and he REALLY had me snowed this time. It's like he got really good at manipulating me into thinking he was sober. It's like they turned it into a game. Sick sick sick. I'm here for ya QOD. I'm more then happy to go through it with you.
I asked the courts for drug and alcohol testing. He was still able to take our daughter for the weekends. The courts looked at me like I was just being a b*tch. It didn't take long before he didn't show up for the testing and I had to call the police on him because he was passed out drunk with our daughter. I had to go back to court and the judge ordered supervised visitation. He stopped showing up and I haven't seen him in 7 years. I was a basket case the entire time. Eventually everything worked out in the end.
When I start to doubt that it's a disease I read a story so similar to mine, with the A's actions so similar to my A's actions that I just have to believe it really is a disease. How could 2 men who have never met have the exact same reaction to life? Anyway, I guess it doesn't matter and I just want to let you know that I am praying for you. As far as supervised visitation, I had my lawyer put it in our divorce settlement. Settlement, ha! There is nothing to settle! I wanted no contact between him and the kids but my idiot lawyer said no judge would agree to that. I caved and said fine, supervised. My ex signed it no problem. My lawyer said that because I have full custody that what I say goes as far as the kids. Right now, he is peaking in a manic phase and that usually ends in a crack binge. So, I highly doubt he will ever see the kids again intentionally. His guilt and remorse might get to him someday and just like his father he might send a card every now and then. Or he might get it together this time and become a healthier human being, someone who's influence would be positive in my kids lives. Or he may find a real woman who will not tolerate his not paying support or seeing his kids and he might fight for them at some point with her backing and that would be ok to as I would know that she at least would be a good person. I don't really know what the future holds. I'll let HP handle that and I will just keep doing the next right thing. But, as far as visitation goes, in NY it is what the parent who has full custody says. I said supervised and because he agreed to that I say what the perimeters of that visitation will be. Ofcourse that means no seeing the kids if he is using or mentally unstable.
Good luck hon and know that you are not alone in this battle...
My experience was when he hurt the kids, that was the worst.
I was horrified how he treated your losing your pregnancy. I called my AH when my mother was literallly dieing in my arms, thought i needed him. He says,"so have you bled her dry?" ???? At the time,he had just started acting really weird, I was shocked. told him to not be in my house when I got home.
Anyway, it has to be hard going thru all this stuff and doing a divorce. You should be laughing and playing with your kids. The disease just does not care.
When thing are this highly stressful, for me I work hard on one day at a time. Writing down the day, what I want/have to do. then stop and anti stress, no more work for that day.
You are very important for yourself and your kids. I know he is very sick, but to heck with him for now. I hope you find some solace and happiness thru this so the dang disease does not take away everything. Kids are little for only a short time.
I play with the kids and love on them all day long....I am in need of a serious break from them though. I drown myself in them. The hard part is hearing them say rotten things about their daddy. They said they no longer trust him, they will never believe him, he lied. He is killing their relationship. I will protect them and let them know I am there. Things are about to get really bad. I hope this is over soon. I want rid of him.
I am really sorry you are going through such a sad time. I can't predict what an A can do. They are pretty unpredictable. Some of them go through relapse, some don't. For some of them having a family is a turning point. There is no predicting any of this.
I am glad you have this group to come to sound of.
