The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just want to say thank you to this community for being here. I found you on a google search and looked through many of the postings and realized that my story isn't all that different and I'm not crazy or overreacting.
My A started on another drinking spree last week...actually, since December I've only had one month with the man I'm in love with, the rest with Mr. Hyde. This time though, he took it outside of the home and broke a neighbor's window and was arrested. The people just moved here less than a week before, I hadn't even said hello to them yet. When I went over to apologize for my fiancee's behavior, the man screamed at me. At first this upset me even more, but then I thanked him silently, because it woke me up. 4 years of enabling---I'm done...well I want to be done now, but I also have 4 years of unweaving to take care of first. In the meantime, I found you, so I can now see that there are many people in very similar boats. I took his keys while he was in jail (he's out now). He's staying at a weekly hotel and I think he believes that he can manipulate his way back if he plays submissive(or some such foolishness). I know I'm leaving out a lot of details here, but I'm finding it difficult to organize my thoughts. He still hasn't gone to an AA meeting and I would think that if he's really sorry, he'd at least do that. He swears he's not drinking, but my eyes are open now and I just don't believe him anymore--part of me wants to. Too many lies, too many excuses, too many words without action. I'm not a child anymore and I don't have to be in this crazy environment...I just can't believe I'm here...I always said this wouldn't happen to me...and I'm here. I kept hoping that love would be enough. I just feel like I spent four years being manipulated. I stopped talking to my friends, I stopped doing things that I liked to do...I'm not even sure right now who I am. I just want this to be over. I turned 40 last week and thought to myself...do I still want to live like this when I'm 50...even when he's not drinking, I stress out about when the bottom is going to drop again...I'm tired.
Anyway, I didn't mean to go on like this...just wanted to thank all of you for being out here in the ether.
Welcome to MIP......No, you are not alone, there are LOADS out there like us....We can be of great comfort to eachother..Keep comming back... It does get better, and together we can help each other through it....
We also have a chatroom which operates 24/7, you are welcome to join us there..
Good for you, dcathem, for realizing you DON'T HAVE TO BE THERE!!!!! Even though you love him, there is a limit to what a reasonable, proud, and self-assured person is willing to put up with. And...there should be.
I am glad you found our little site. And I hope you will make a habit of coming back. There is a world of knowledge and understanding here. As you noted, we are all, in one way or another, in the same boat.
With best wishes,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Welcome to this group. I've been here a few years now and it is a tremendous resource for me. One thing people have said to me is the bad times dont' last forever. I've been through an awful few months and things are much better now for me. That doesn't mean everything is solved it isn't. That doesn't mean that my life is hunky dory but its no longer the constant crisis it was day in day out. This group helped me through that.
I don't know what the future holds for me. I do know dealing with my own codependncy is part of it.
Don't wait for him to find AA , get to Al-Anon for yourself . your gonna need it wether he is drinking or not .You need support from people who understand , this board is great but u are missing so much if not attending f2f meetings for yourself . . goodluck Louise
