The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I hate it when I'm right. When I went into town to gas up before going down to the courthouse for the restraining order, the A suddenly comes at me from the parking lot. "I'm taking the car," he stated, and opened the car door to get in!
Not happening, I had the keys in my pocket.
I called 911 from the store, and a sheriff came by for statements from me and two witnesses. Sigh. The sheriff who brough the A back up into town accosted him as he was heading down the highway out of town.
He was trying to get to the TRO court hearing! The judge postponed the hearing till next week because he wanted lawyers present for both of us. My lawyer had told me I didn't need him as the case was cut and dried. Apparently not!
So next Friday is the new court date. I did OK in the courtroom, didn't look at the A or say a word to him. I stayed silent unless the judge asked me a question. The A was not so able to control himself, and said he was being "screwed" and a bunch of other stuff about how it isn't fair he can't get a vehicle and has one change of clothing and is homeless. It just drove home the obvious to me. And I doubt that sheriff will give him another ride back up here.
It's a small step in the right direction. The A continues to act out and it just underscores my case against him.
The whole time, I felt rather calm. I kept up a prayer starting this morning that told HP "This is yours to handle, just tell me what to do when I need to do it." I'm much less emotional and afraid than yesterday, but of course I'm prepared to take care of myself and involve the authorities as needed.
There's a good meeting tonight, which I am looking forward to very much.
So that's it. I hope and pray this next week will be drama free, but I have very concrete actions to take if Mr Drama does act up again. It's even more important than ever to remain focussed on myself and not the A right now. It is so easy to get caught up in the crap, it's human nature to do so. About all focussing on him does is scare me and/or give me a reason to gloat, which is not good for me. I just got my baby guinea chicks and need to throw up some new pens to make room for them. I have two bottle baby goatlings born Thursday learning how to leap and bounce in my frontroom. The tools of this program are at my disposal 24/7. So I feel OK right now, albeit a bit pooped.
So all you out there in MIP Land, I feel your presence as if you were here with me. The Hug Bank has a positive balance. And thanks again for listening and caring!
when I went to the TRO court it seemed like the Judge rescheduled most of them. I think some of it was to get through the calendar.
I think the other parties have an opportunity to go get stuff under escort.
In theory when the case gets tried is when the full order goes into effect so in theory he can present evidence that says why he should have access to certain things.
I can't say I had a good experience with it. Ideally of course we would all want to be able to negotiate certain stuff through but in practice that doesn't happen.
I think for the male ego in particular a vehicle is a huge issue.
I'm sorry you went through that drama. It seems to me that living with an active A is all drama.
((HONEY!)) I am so sorry that you've had to go through this. I can only say how proud of you I am. I'm glad you're here. Keep posting, keep us updated. Please do!
Sure he can have his stuff, as long as he is escorted and the whole deal is mediated by the sheriff. It was already decided by the sheriff he could not take the only running car I have available (my own is in the shop). His truck is in impound, his motorcycle and fifth wheel are at his previous place of employment. He has a home and a vehicle so the rest is not my problem.
When I get my car, I'll throw all his clothing and personal effects in the one he tried to take and park it down at the sheriff's office. That's my plan anyway.
There is no negotiation of "stuff", we are not legally married. What's in his name is his, period. That it was purchased out of money for the farm (which came from me) is another matter to be dealt with in the lawsuit. Likely it will all -- including what he spent on drugs -- be counted against his equity in the farm.
Congratulations on taking such wonderful care of yourself and standing your ground. You should be extremely proud of yourself. Enjoy your baby goatlings, I am becoming more and more jealous by the day of those babies of yours.
keeping you in my prayers,
lilms
__________________
Two things: 1. Recovery is a process, not an event.....and.... 2. You only get to go around once. Leave em laughing and make it worth your while
Wow, you are a very strong lady! Out of no where the disease walks up to you with a challange and you just did the next right thing. That is truely incredible to me. Thanks for sharing that. Everytime I hear things like this it makes me more confident that I CAN do it.
Lilms, I've mailed you the two youngest goatlings, your wish is my command :D
OK, I just got back from a meeting, so I'm feeling good although REALLY tired. But after reading the new posts, I gotta ask myself "what is 'strong' about calling 911 when the A is violating the restraining order and trying to take the car?" What is brave about that?? This guy is nuts, unpredictable.
A couple of months ago, my perception of the situation was different. I wasn't ready yet. I wasn't sure. I really wanted him to get better and come back to me. Now I don't even care. I have no doubt I'm doing the right thing, and though I can well imagine what the A must be going through, I mean talk about consequences! I don't really care what he's feeling. It has nothing to do with me. Some door has shut. Stick a fork in me, I'm done.
So I wonder if boundaries don't become crystal clear naturally when you are sure you've had enough period end of story. This has nothing to do with how the A is doing at all. He could be going to AA daily and finally done himself, but that would not change my decision.
. When I went into town to gas up before going down to the courthouse for the restraining order, the A suddenly comes at me from the parking lot. "I'm taking the car," he stated, and opened the car door to get in!