Please explain - Al-Anon Family Group

Loupiness · ~*Service Worker*~

Please explain

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Lou!!

This ism is the thinking, feeling, behaving characteristics of the alcoholic. The drink is gone the stink remain is how it is sometimes said. Take the alcohol away and you get a "dry" drunk is another and there are many more. Sobriety is often thought of as being alcohol free and if you read the steps...step 2 says came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could lead us to SANITY. There is a major difference twix sober and sane and it is in that difference that the "ism" lives. Since the disease affects the mind, body, spirit and emotions the symptoms can be seen in many and various levels. It also depends on how addicted and toxic he is use to becoming. It is also how far out he has stretched the boundaries on his values, morals, perceptions, thinking processes etc.

Keep reading the posts here at MIP. You will be enlightened and come to understand. Not all alcoholics are alike so keep and open mind.

One of parts of the alcoholic that is stretched to the limit is the alcoholic ego and therefore their pride. Of course he does not want Alcoholism to define him. Who ever does. Even the family, friends and associates don't want that either however every truely recovering alcoholic I know today is not shy of admitting they are alcoholic. They are grateful that they have a huge fellowship of other alcoholics who keep each other alive, sober, sane, happy, joyous and free. And a Higher Power that is always there to keep them from relying on booze to have a life.

Stick around with an open mind. Get literature, got to open Al-Anon meetings and open AA meetings if and when you can. You need to know cause it could save your sanity and life whether your alcoholic continues to drink or not. That is what Al-Anon is about; saving our own sanilty and skins. We have the very same step2. It also ends in SANITY.

Denial is just one characteristic of the disease that keeps it progressing. There are others. There are many reasons to use denial and you will learn this over time as you keep coming back and hanging with the people who have gone thru this awesome disease and are more than just surviving it, those who are actively going thru it now and finding that they can change things and those who are just poking their heads thru the door wanting to know what the question is and is there an answer to it.

Others here will help this get even clearer. I hope some of this turned on a light.

(((((Hugs)))))

-- Edited by Jerry F at 02:05, 2007-06-29

QOD · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks for this post as I too have often wonder what defines Aism. I have a bit more clarity now. Some days I see it better than others. To me, Aism is the total chaos life has become living with a person with addictions. One day seems normal but the next is out of control. All of this happens whether the A is sober or not. The only time life seems to be normal is when he is GONE. But that is just for me.

Thanks again.
Sincerley,
QOD

-- Edited by QOD at 09:52, 2007-06-29

bill f · Member

As a recovering A, my experience is that alcoholism defined everything about me - my relationships, my emotions, my finances, my life. Now recovery from alcoholism is what is defining me - my HP, my meetings, my service work, my fellows, my program.

I like this way MUCH better!

-- Edited by bill f at 12:17, 2007-06-29

drucilla06 · Senior Member

((((((loupi)))))))

Wow, this is a great question,this whole disease thing was hard for me as well.I now have gotten to the point where I can usually recognize when my AH (sober 17 yrs) is 'in the disease'.He is such a different person.I can almost feel the hate ,rage,anger coming from that 'thing'.I don't want to be in the room with that anymore.There is no sense trying to reason with it,can't be done.
I see the disease separately from him.I know it is part of him and always will be and that he must fight it daily with the help of his HP,meetings,the steps,service,etc.It is always there waiting to take over and destroy him and everyone who loves him.He did go through a period of 'dry drunk' when he had stopped going to meetings,didn't have a sponsor,etc.He was so different from the man he had been in sobriety.He was mean, cruel.I didn't know him.I didn't understand the change and I went thru such agonizing pain,hurt and devastation.I finally was directed by someone here at MIP to a website about the dry drunk syndrome.I showed the symptoms to him and he was shocked.He actually recognized himself.Thankfully there was enough of the real him to seek help.He got a new sponsor and starting going to meetings again, reading the big book.He is much better now but still that ole disease will try to take over.
Here's an example.Last night when I got home from work he was watching tv in the dark.I got a coca cola and sat down.I was in a good mood,but tired.As I would say things I began to notice a mood,an edginess.That old grouchy disease.He had promised to change the oil on my car today,he was off.I was counting on it because I am not off for another week when I could have it changed and it is over 4000 miles since the last oil change.The car is still under warranty and I don't want to do anything to void that.He said he might have to work today.I said,what about my oil change?( I just asked, nicely,didn't say it mean) He blew.Said he had bills to pay and he was not going to tell work to go f... themselves just so he could change my oil.He said I shouldn't worry about the warranty,there wasn't much of it left and if anything was going to go wrong it would have by now.
Well....that is certainly not the man I know and love.Not the man I married.THAT was something else.THAT was alcoholism.I remember once when he was in the dry drunk spell and we were sitting on the porch.Everything seemed fine and I said my back hurt.He lashed out "WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT!!!" I was so stunned.The reaction just did not fit,did not make sense.Most people would have just said "sorry to hear that" or "maybe you slept wrong" or something like that.No sane person would just blow over a comment about my back!!Last night he could have said any number of things,we could have discussed what to do about the car.It just is so abnormal to react like that.
I am so thankful that I can see this now because for so many many years I thought it was ME who was crazy when his reactions didn't make sense.
So maybe some oldtimers can correct me if I am way off base here,but that is how I see the 'ism'.To me it's like a dark side of them.I also believe I have a dark side as well due to the affects of the disease in my life.Alanon keeps me level and sane.
Hope this helps.
Dru

Tenderheartsks · ~*Service Worker*~

ISM= I, Self, Me!!!!!!!!!!

The alcohol is only a symptom of deeper underlying issues.

If alcohol were the only problem, it would stand to reason that once the alcoholic put the alcohol down, all would be fine!

Not so! Alcoholics are in large selfish and self-centered. It's me me me me!

True recovery involves looking deep within self to start correcting those behaviors/attitudes that have kept the alcoholic living in a world of denial and dysfunction. True recovery is more than just abstaining from the alcohol.

Make any sense?

Loupiness · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks for the responses. I think I get it, well, sort of.... So, does the alcohol affect the brain in such a manner that those nasty behaviors are created, or would those behaviors be there regardless if there was drinking or not?

Tenderheartsks · ~*Service Worker*~

Loupiness wrote:

Thanks for the responses. I think I get it, well, sort of.... So, does the alcohol affect the brain in such a manner that those nasty behaviors are created, or would those behaviors be there regardless if there was drinking or not?

For me, those behaviors/attitudes were there long before I started drinking. The drinking just magnified those.

stariana · Veteran Member

For my relationship with my A (husband/alcoholic/addict) yes, definitely the behavior is there whether he is using or not. I have had many intances throughout our 13 years together, similar to those others have spoken of here. Even if he is clean and sober, he still has the same personality traits. When he is using, they are worse. If he is clean and sober, it is still evident that he is a self-centered procrastinator, who generally feels sorry for himself, and sees no problem lying. He has moments of genuinely being a great guy, loving and sweet. But, most of the time I am trying to understand him, what makes him act the way he acts.....sometimes I wonder if he's bipolar, there are so many differences in his moods. These posts make me feel safe in the fact that I don't suffer alone, there are others who deal with the same things.

Thank you fellow alanon members. I love you all.

Tenderheartsks · ~*Service Worker*~

Stariana, I wanted to comment on something. There is a difference between abstinence and true recovery (sobriety). With abstinence only, the alcoholic still has the same attitudes/behaviors, only minus the alcohol.

In sobriety, the alcoholic learns through meetings and the 12 steps how to start changing his/her behavior/attitudes, and begin to let of of that self-centeredness.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.