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This is a bit OT, and it's bugging me and I want to put it to rest.
Yesterday, I received the fourth notice from the bank regarding the A's account and possible fraud occurring against the account. This is his very own Zero balance account, it has nothing to do with my account at all.
The notice asks that the client contact the bank to confirm recent activity.
My first response is to just set the letter aside and do nothing. As opposed to contacting the bank, telling them he's in jail and God knows who has his bank card. It just doesn't seem like my affair or my problem. What draws me in is 'not responding' to an obvious plea by the bank just trying to do it's job protecting the interests of it's customers.
If I just didn't call and let this go, am I missing something important that I'm not seeing right now? That's all :) and thanks in advance for your thoughts.
Hey Kim I have been getting a statement from a lawyer regarding my ex's outstanding rehab bill. It has nothing at all to do with me. I take some small amount of pleasure in tossing it with the rest of the junk mail. It is his to deal with and if he were dealing with it then they would not be sending his stuff to me. It is none of my business either way and I just consider it junk if it has his name on it. I was responsible enough to make sure that all of my bills come to my new address, that all of my creditors know where I am. I take care of me. He chooses not to take care of himself or be a responsible adult. His choice. Between him and his creditors. Not my problem.
What I had to do with the bank was to make sure that my AH's accounts did not have any link to mine. Make sure that there was no overdraft protection with other accounts that both our names were on. Perhaps to ease your mind a call to the bank just confirming that you are not associated with this account and do not wish to be notified of the activity would help. IMO, In this way you are protecting yourself not getting into his business or taking care of it. You do not need explain his side, just clarify yours.
Best of luck and great job working your program. Sometimes we are so into a situation that we cannot see it clearly. It is great to put it out there and get other perspectives.
If it were bugging me I'd call and say he's no longer at this address. Period. That it -- no explaining where he is or anything else. Or I'd just mark return to sender/not at this address on the envelope. (now if I were a smart butt, I might give them the address to the county jail as his forwarding address, just the thought of that makes me laugh -- sometimes ya just got to laugh)
In reading your posts - I was just wondering something myself??? If you are still married to the man, isn't all debt incurred while married divided equally between spouses - whether you are getting along, in jail, separated, etc.? I visited a lawyer a few years ago, and at least for me, that is what was explained. Even if we weren't living together, if he incurred debt, if we divorced, it would be split 50/50 regardless of where the debt came from.
Just thowing it out there for some feedback - maybe it's my state only. ???
For a variety of sick reasons, we never legally married, so our "divorce" is being handled more like a business where one partner acted in bad faith with the business capital.
This is another thing I'm grateful for, NOW, that there is no legal marraige to complicate things. So debts he incurs are NOT mine as well, at least according to family law. I can be considered a "victim" of crime under Idaho state law, so that my interests are not challenged by his debtors.
You know, I realize HE can call the 800 number to the bank if he is curious or concerned. He's a grown up. He knows what to be concerned about in his circumstances, and so I'll just keep the notices in case he ever requests his mail. And any other mail I get I'll write "no longer at this address" from here on out. Thanks for the input!
I would do the "no longer at this address" bit. That way you can't get pulled in for mail fraud b/c you "opened" his mail. If it is not addressed to you, then just drop it back in the mail. That is just my thought on it. Good luck.
I'm in pretty much the same space there are days when I am so so so grateful I never married the A. I know he would lump all this financial stuff on me if he did. The other day he insisted that if we moved north as he had claimed everything would be taken care of for me. Of course since there was no job how would that be?
The issue is that at one point the A did take care of a lot. Or rather he seemed to. After all we did rent for more than 7 years together and he paid that expense.
I know I am always walking on eggshells around the A. They seem to need a crisis don;t they?
I'm not sure why but they do seem to need a big mess.
Debts incurred during a marriage are not split 50-50 unless spelled out that way in the divorce decree. This is yours - this is mine. If you are still married, his debt is also yours. All of it. That's it.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Diva if I did not sign on the application for any of A's cards. loans, charge accounts I am NOT responsible for them. That changed a long time ago. At least here in Oregon.
My A for instance has a charge card for a dept. store.I did not sign for it, and they cannot take anything from me.
His bank accounts his vehicles have nothing to do with me unless my name is on them.
This is what made me get power of attorney so I could put the trucks in my and my sons names.
It is so much more complicated than whatever debt there is in a marriage is both your debts. Even the IRS cannot take our tax returns unless we sign a joint return and he did not pay his debt.
love,debilyn voice of inexperience to a bunch of crappy experience, now down to my experiences only, and actually lots less stress...
i had a bonfire, even burned his toothbrush, his cloths, shoes, paperwork, books. I just toss his junk. He does not care so why should I for petes sake,
how much ya wanna bet he tells everyone that I would not allow him to come get his stuff??? and i stole his pickups...
He never asked to get his stuff, not once. I figure if he can throw me away, who cares about stuff....
