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Hello All, It has been a while since I have posted to this board. I have been active with many things - and taking some breaks from others.
As I was reading some posts on this board tonight it occured to me that we are coming up on a milestone in my home. My husband will celebrate 1 year of sobriety & recovery at the end of this week. While I am excited about this accomplishment for him it has offered me some time to reflect upon the past year and all of its ups & downs.
I have been a member of this wonderful fellowship for the past 8 years and a member of this board for about 4. So when the proverbial sh*t hit the fan a year ago I knew just where to go to get the support I needed. I got the reminders that his slip was not my slip and that my actions to what occured were appropriate and necessary. It was through this program I gained the strength to take care of me and my family and to take a stand against the ravages of this insidious disease.
While there have been many positives over the last year - it has not all been a bed of roses. Putting down the drink for my husband was only half the battle. I was fortunate though and I knew ahead of time that it is a process for him and that my expectations of him would only have a negative impact on him. But I know that this program is not about him. It is about me - it is about how I conduct myself and react to situations I am in. So while he is working his program - I have to remember to work mine. I have had to tell my husband that while I enjoy listening to him - I cannot be his sponsor. I have had to cut him off and tell him that this might be something to share with his sponsor. And he has at times had to tell me that he does not want me to attend a meeting with him (which I do on occasion). We work at it - we have good days & bad like everyone else. But I will take this over what we had before.
I am proud of my husband's accomplishments and I am proud of mine as well. I am thankful for a loving HP who helped me to hang on and be strong when I needed to be. I am thankful for this program being there when I was desperate and when I have something celebrate. I am thankful for the people new & old because I learn so much from each and every one of you. And but for the grace of god - I have a husband who I can rely upon now. He is not the man I fell in love with so many years ago - he is a better man today.
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Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Love you all!
Karen
thank you for your lovely observations. They really resound with me. My AH has been working the program for the past 2 weeks. He has been flirting with the idea of sobriety (followed by huge slips) for the past couple of years. I am trying to temper my enthusiasm for his success-- and like you said, tell him to reason things out with a sponsor (which he hasn't picked out yet) and not me. I know that we are not out of the woods by any means yet-- but I am thankful for every day that he is sober and things are saner here.
congratulations to you and your husband on things improving. Jeanne
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In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.- Daniel L. Reardon
Thanks for your post. Many reminders about sobriety. My AHsober hasn't drank in over 20 years but the "ism" is still there. It makes me stop and think of how far he has come. And it is his program and I have mine. Lots of accomplishments for both of us. Thanks to Alanon for me.
Such a great post. Serenity seems to stand on it's own, it isn't dependent upon any mood I'm in, or others are in, or circumstance. Serenity is not dependent on sobriety, but sobriety sure helps one get there :) .
Thank you for your post! Your last line about your husband being a better man than the one you fell in love with, just touched my heart. I don't seem to hear enough stories like that. Yay! I will go to bed with a little more hope than I woke up with and a smile on my face.
Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
You are so right on. I tell my family members that alcoholism is like a band aid covering a wound. Removing the band aid exposes the wound so it can heal...and it is not always easy, pretty, or free from infection.
We have just shared our first year of sobriety too, and yes I agree it's not an easy ride, but like you said, you have a better man at the end of it, my husband is a better man too, and all the thing's that I wanted him to be he's trying so hard to make ammends, he's not verbally doing this but by his actions, our daughter is working her holidays from University just around the corner from his work place, and sharing her lunch time with her dad, it's the first time they ever spent together alone away from home, she's 19, it's all new and scary right now, but it's something I never thought I would live to see, I needed to take a back seat, and I'm trying real hard to sit there and let everyone live their own lives, the more of sobriety we have the stronger it makes us feel, and more determined to continue forward's and build bridges, I really never thought there was anything wrong with me, once I got hold of the reigns I wouldn't let anyone else have ago, it cracked me up in the end, each day I hand over a little bit more responsibility,my load get's lighter, but I have to keep myself in check though and remind myself, other people can do the job just as well as me if not better, and if they can't, does it really matter, I'm trying not to justify anything anymore if I do something wrong I simple say, yep it was me, that was hard too, accepting responsibility, when your crushed everything seems to make you feel like it's your fault, and another thing, revelation, I don't have to say anything, I love that, sorry if I have gone off at a tangent here, but there is hope so so much hope, Hp gave us breath to enjoy life with all it's drama, makes me wonder now, would I have appreciated all I have without an A in my life?
