The house I live in has several alcoholics in actually. There is the quiet seething one, the erupting one who is apologetic at times and there are the two totally out of control anti social ones. It is remarkabel to watch other people's response to them. I spoke to the manager yesterday and she spoke about how hard it is to hold the line and really enforce the boundary. She also said the owner is a codependent, g figure.

Last night I got fed up with the noise so I set a limit. I know there is more noise to come. There is no next time, there is no more condtions. The two anti social ones will make noise on the weekend it is a given. I find it hard sometimes to work it through. I went from out of the frying pan to the fire.

At the same time I have no interest at all in being invested in a relationship with anyone there. A far cry for me from very similar situations I have been in. I have no interest in people pleasing, none in talking recovery (none of them are interested in it). I also have no interest in being known by the people who are acting out. I don't have contempt for them or even that much interest I just want to put myself first and be sane. I dont' think I have ever been able to be rational in a situation like htat before and maybe that's why I am in it now.

For me that is new, very very new. I don't feel lonely there just mad that I am stuck there at the moment. In time with money and debt reduction I'll have other choices. Right now I don't want to grasp at anything.

For once I take full responsibility for where I am. I can't just be a victim about it. I knew my housing situation where I was before was difficult. I knew the options I had I didn't like so I simply didn't take action. I have to practice accepting options I don't like. My life probably never will be nirvana.

I don't like that I want the prize but I'm not going to get it. The prize is sobriety.

Maresie.