The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have debated on whether to post for about 3 weeks now. Namely because I've got enough garbage in my head to open a new toxic waste dump. Namely because my disease is convincing me you'll not understand, and worse, judge me and ostracize me. Why I think this, I have no idea. These past 3 weeks have been more up and down than the roller coasters at Disney World. The GOOD NEWS: I filled out paper work to go into AmeriCorp, specifically some programs in AZ. I've heard back from the co-ordinator. They're interested. They're willing to train.I have no idea how I'm going to get to AZ. I have no idea what program specifically I'll be placed in. I just know that my sponsor has given it her seal of approval, as has my councelor, and a couple of other people in program I respect. HUGELY exciting. The BETTER news: It's difinitive. I graduate in November. And the BEST news? The site I applied for in Americorp would allow me to use my degree in the setting. The site would allow me to use the preforming arts and the disabled community. Now, (sigh) for why I've been stuffing. Again. Got an email from financial aid. This is after I straightened out the mess with the grad school. After I straightened out the mess with the bursar. After I had all that done, I was notified that there was another reason I had that my financial aid is being held up. For all of you who ever wonder whether or not the IRS ever reads you 1040's, the W2, one word: YES. As my FAFSA was being processed, it occured to the financial powers that be in the higher cities that be that it's not possible to live on a cashier's salary (duh!). So, understandably, they asked me to explain, via another tax statement, how it was I had gotten through the last fiscal year without starving to death (I'm tempted, because of how outright frightened I am, to be scathingly sarcastic and obnoxious and tell them "I didn't" but, as my sponsor has gently pointed out, copping an attitude with anyone, especially a government agency, will work against me). So, after filling out the second tax form, the financial aid office and the powers that be are still confused, so I've made an appt for the 5th to sit with one of their "trusted servants" and hammer everything out. I sat with my sponsor after last weeks meeting (my home group! the bestest meeting in the universe!) and I said "I mean, how do I tell a government professional the truth? That my father, who cuts the check, pays teh bills when he's sober? and that, when he and I are on good terms, I get an allowence because I work 6 hours a week as a cashier? and when we're not on good terms, literally, I get nothing? from work or him?" Sighing, she said "That may be the words to use." She then referred me to our more "business minded" individuals in our group, who echoed this sentiment (yes, I am willing to take suggestions on this one MIP AFG): in the words of Joe Friday, "Just the facts, ma'am." It's okay if it's uncomfortable. These guys are professionals. They've heard all the stories from the obscene to the obnoxious to the downright criminal. Just tell them what you told me (me being the anonymous member...) and then move forward. If they ask any questions, tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you god. One member said, trying to lighten the mood and reassure me "If you go to jail, we'll visit and bring meetings." *sigh* I think I'll post more later. I've gtg for now. If any of you got through this, God bless you. and thanks for reading.
I've been dealing with alot of government agencies in the last few months too. It's not fun, and is stressful. Loads of paperwork and then weeks of waiting on replies, sometimes to find out you have been talking to the wrong person or agency and have to start all over. Meanwhile trying to maintain the best perspective you can.
In my experience the truth has always been best, even when I thought it would not be in my best interest. If there is a problem it can be resolved without further complications later. Every person's situation is unique, the people you work with know this even if the rules they have to go by are pretty standard. I have explained my situation and how my A fits into it to more people in the last year than I ever imagined I would. And I am continually surprised at how many people understand. One thing I try to keep in mind, these people see enough irate cases that someone who is calm, happy and helps them to help you is a pleasure to work with.
Just the thought of having to deal with "authority figures" used to send me into a panic. But, having had to deal with them most of, all of my adult life, I learned that honesty is the absoutly the best way to deal. If they are jerks, honesty usually shocks them into kindness and if they are nice they understand. But there is nothing to be ashamed about. It is what it is and that's all it is. Contrary to popular belief we are more than our credit report. We are vital human beings no matter what our income. You will get thru this! It really is nobody's business, except maybe the IRS and it really isn't their business but they are a nosy bunch. Congradulations on your next big adventure with AmeriCorps! Just a little bump in the road. The effort is worth it.
Hi Tiger, It's me... Lee Ann from a long time ago. I hope you remember me. Been gone for several months... and decided it was time to come back. Gosh, I'm so glad you took a chance and posted. You are so honest in your posts... just be yourself and be honest in your interview or whatever it's called. When I read your words, they made perfect sense to me. Of course, I don't work for the Gov't! he-he-he! What came to mind is HOW we do this program: H:Humble, O:Open, W:Willing... girl, your post had all that and more. You showed impulse control, you showed wisdom in who you decided to talk to and get advice from, you showed tons of humility (which is NOT humilation mind you! Not the same!!!). I think you showed faith in the group too... lots of good stuff going on!!... with all this strong healthy responding (not reacting) to this situation, you should be fine. And, remember, you can always ask for help -- pray!!!! I'll say a prayer for you too, but I'd want to hear how this turns out! And while you're on your knees, why not ask HP for a huge miracle and open up the way to get to AZ. I'm sure your HPi s up there waiting and grinning, just dying to lay some miracles on you to see your reaction... He/She is just that kind of HP!! All you have to do is ask!!! And oh yeah, believing the right answer will come is helpful too. I wish you all the best... you've been working so hard and it shows. Please keep us abreast of what's going on. sending you warm thoughts, Lee Ann
(((tiger))), I don't know much about financial stuff, so can't contribute anything.
But I do understand about toxic waste dumps and obsessing about garbage. It must be a stage of recovery!!(see...trying to focus on the positive!) I know this is something I experience regularly. I'm trying to learn to ride the rollercoaster and detatch where I can. (I like your broken record analogy, it's so true)
Congratulations on your acceptance. I know this is a big achievement for you and I know you are very capable. I'm truly happy for you.
Anyway, just wanted to say well done and you are certainly not alone. Yours in recovery AM
So many good things are coming to fruition for you and yes this bump in the road with the government could certainly steal your joy if you let it. Don't let it!! IMHO I think the government has bigger fish to fry, but since they have decided to make an inquiry into your personal finances then I'd agree with your sponser and other friends to allow yourself to get up front and personal with them about how your life works financially. I know I did not have a college trust fund but I was bound and determined to get some degree. I borrowed a great deal of money and worked full time. Now, I can't even afford to pay the loan note because I work in Social Service which in this country is a considered a noble profession but gov't doesn't give us much to live on and support our families. (I think they like to see us social workers in the trenches and that's where most of us are) It's o.k. I chose what I loved and just dealing with what I have.
You have nothing to be ashamed of, scared... Oh yeah I can understand being scared about this. HP will see you through this, continue to be honest. I'll keep you in my prayers for courage and strength and that who ever handles your case will have some mercy in their hearts.
Americorp is a wonderful program, almost got a job working as Corp manager here locally in the literacy programs. Got passed up on that one, not meant to be I guess. Anyone I've ever spoke to who has worked with them says the experience is awesome. You sound like you'd be perfect for it. So congratulations to you on your accomplishments and your adventures to come. IRS and the gov't cannot take that away from you, ever. There have been thousands of doctors, lawyers, and other professionals who completly avoided their loan responsibilities at one time. I think too that is why they are so hard on those of us now who use the system to help ourselves.
So go forth Tiger!!! Kick butt and take names!! LOL We are here for ya.
Peace and Serenity Today, Twinmom~
__________________
"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
: I filled out paper work to go into AmeriCorp, specifically some programs in AZ. I've heard back from the co-ordinator. They're interested. They're willing to train. 
I have no idea how I'm going to get to AZ. I have no idea what program specifically I'll be placed in. I just know that my sponsor has given it her seal of approval, as has my councelor, and a couple of other people in program I respect. 
HUGELY exciting. The BETTER news: It's difinitive. I graduate in November. 
And the BEST news? The site I applied for in Americorp would allow me to use my degree in the setting. The site would allow me to use the preforming arts and the disabled community. 
For all of you who ever wonder whether or not the IRS ever reads you 1040's, the W2, one word: YES. As my FAFSA was being processed, it occured to the financial powers that be in the higher cities that be that it's not possible to live on a cashier's salary (
*sigh* 
Been gone for several months... and decided it was time to come back.