My AH has been out of rehab and sober for almost 5 months.  After rehab, we went against the advise of the facility and personal counselors and he moved home.  It only took about a week and a half before he slid off the pink cloud and moved into the pit of hell.  Finally after 2 1/2 months he moved out. Actually I told him to leave (but he wanted to) because I saw him talking (while pumping gas) to one of his "addictions", the other woman, who is an ex-employee of ours and an active A.  Anyhow, after he left I know he started up regular communication with her again.

Just in the past week or so I seem to be seeing a different man.  Other than the fact that he has lost 40+ lbs (and looks great!), I am seeing a more peaceful, kinder man.  His martyr/victim persona seems to be fading. He looks me in the eyes and is communicating what is going on in his life. He apologizes. That is huge! The stresses he has in his life right now are pretty great as we just constructed a new building for our business and are moving this weekend and there are a ton of last-minute crises.  Even so, he is making our children a priority.  Also, he is starting to treat our house like his home again.  For example, he stopped over at lunch yesterday to grab a quick bite to eat and then last night after our toddler threw up all over him he took a shower in our master bathroom rather than the kids'. Then, here is the big one.  Last night I thanked him and  kissed him on the cheek and he leaned into it and recieved it willingly.  He has agreed to attend a couples communication class. All little things but adding up to what I see as a new man.  Although he is not going to AA, I have no reason to believe he is using or drinking again.

That said, I don't know what that means for us.  He has been an A/addict pretty much our whole marriage and I didn't even really know.  We really had a dysfunctional marriage with little if any communication.  I brought some serious emotional baggage into our marriage and I pretty much gave him a sexless marriage.  He truly felt unloved and unrespected and told me so on many occassions, but I was too paralyzed to change my behavior.  As a result, I was unlovable as was he.  He has had affairs, a couple of them just for sex.  Though I have moved beyond taking the blame for what has happened, I absolutely acknowledge my part, and I do believe I helped his disease progress as well as influenced his need to feel love elsewhere. I am attending f2f meetings, attending personal counseling and reading all I can.  I am determined to change, if not to save my marriage now then to possibly have another functional fufilling relationship in the future.

In the meantime I am going to try to let my H know what a wonderful man he is.  Ladies, men need that, I tell you, and when ready to receive it, they just eat it up!  I hope to come out of this hideous time in my life as a new person with a wonderful and loving marriage, but do not want to be too optimistic because truly I have no idea what the future holds.  I am posting here in hopes that I may give others hope as well as recieve feedback that in the experience of others that there really may be.  Have a nice weekend everyone!

Blessings,
Lou